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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24420355">i don’t wanna eat anymore pork buns</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/poopbuddypoopbuddy/pseuds/poopbuddypoopbuddy'>poopbuddypoopbuddy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorder, Haikyuu - Freeform, Hinata has an eating disorder, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:40:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>38,596</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24420355</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/poopbuddypoopbuddy/pseuds/poopbuddypoopbuddy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>—COMPLETED—<br/>So tired. So cold.<br/>Sensory overload in the works.<br/>-this story contains triggering mentions of eating disorders, anorexia, and bulimia. Please read at your own risk.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>202</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the worth of pork buns</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello! welcome to my story, but before you read anymore— please please please note that this story will contain eating disorders, anorexia, bulimia, anxiety, light self harm (no cutting— mainly hurting thoughts or angry fits), and extreme detail of depressing mentions. Please please please do not read this fic if you are struggling with any of the following, this whole story is kind of a way of me to vent and to let myself go of the crap that I went through with my eating disorder. The majority of the things that happen in the fic are purely based off of what I went through!!<br/>If you or somebody you know is struggling with an eating disorder please seek help!! (Although if you are reading this and you are struggling, please do not read the story. Don’t put yourself through this, you deserve recovery)<br/>Eating disorder Hotline- 1-844-228-2962<br/>-kageyama is not a solution to hinata's eating disorder, he never was intended to.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What do you gain from selfishness.</p><p>Or perhaps.. how do you gain from selfishness?</p><p>Where would you have to start in order to receive? You’d probably have to come into being at the beginning. The very beginning. An oddly, awful beginning where eating hadn’t completely controlled him..</p><p>Let’s see.. let’s see.. when did it start. How did it.. where did it.. For such pondering, and yet, and all are unanswerable. It’s hard to pinpoint where exactly the motor started it’s hell.<br/>
..But there’s one thing for certain.</p><p>Hinata was dying.</p><p>Disappearing and deteriorating at the seems..</p><p>Slowly. But surely.</p><p>All because he craved lower numbers instead of the bowls and plates on the table.</p><p>Maybe the beginning started when it became an accidental bad habit. Where skipping meals was a mistake and he promised himself he wouldn’t do it again. Where he’d spend so much time practicing volleyball in the gym with the club and taking his hour trips back to home. He’d be exhausted and hardly eat as though showering, preparing for bed, and homework caught him down. And eating became even more a bother as it seemed his height issue and volleyball skills cracked him to pieces. God, there was so much anger in the boy. So much desperation.</p><p>And as you’d expect, things got to him. </p><p>Where it was eating him away for pushing away eating.<br/>
Where his own skin became his personal punching bag.<br/>
Where coach Ukai’s ‘go home n eat a proper meal’ motives meant nothing.<br/>
So many emotions for the fifteen year old. Such heartache. 
Waking up, there’s an automatic beating headache that pained his forehead.. followed by violent stomach growls. That was now considered normal. The same as how running and jumping made him feel like throwing up and passing out. Same with how his skin grew paler and paler as he seemed to color slight green and yellowish. Skin so delicate as glass. It was so much harder to concentrate during class. And he couldn’t nibble something unless he knew the exact calories in stock. The numbing sensation of abused legs made punched to the bedroom floor were shunned away by covering knee pads. The neglected stomach was fill with frustrating scratch marks. </p><p>So tired. So cold.<br/>
Sensory overload in the works.</p><p>Why have the mood swings worsened? Trembling hands made it so much harder to hit Kageyama’s sets. Hell, even simple walking made him want to collapse. What are all these green bruises his skin color matched perfectly to a pale yellow where the purple veins bled through like a window?</p><p>It scared him. Hinata was mortifyingly terrified.</p><p>So much clothes hung shamelessly, a sight that brought twisted satisfaction and joy. Because, who needed stamina when the numbers on the scale dripped away. Sleep wasn’t even sleep anymore, it was just passing out from too many workouts.<br/>
He can’t remember the last time he ate a full meal.</p><p>God, how does one even function normally around food..</p><p>It’s been too long.</p><p>Ah. Let’s see.. okay.. so first, the chopsticks. Okay. Carefully mangling the sticks within boney, green tinted fingers. Good, good, there we are. From long-drawn-out bluffing, the chopsticks are perfectly held in the ginger’s hand. And then.. the food. We have the food.<br/>
And then.. And... And then..</p><p>Ah, so it seems that memories after that aren’t preserved. After that moment from staring at the sight of cooked food, a tantrum would erupt and Hinata would end up bashing the bowls and plates containing food into the table. The nutrients gone to poor waste as it was too overwhelming.</p><p>He couldn’t do it.</p><p>He’d realize that soon after punching his fist into the chunks of rice and pork meat. As well as crumbling himself onto the carpet, sobbing desperately while his chopsticks were now broken into two beside him.</p><p>Food.</p><p>What was so scary about it to Hinata?</p><p>Was it a fear of gaining weight?.. Ah, now it kinda is, but it wasn’t really at the start of all this. Maybe it could be.. ah.. possibly his insecurity of height? Shit, man.. who is he even kidding.</p><p>It was punishment.</p><p>Perhaps, since he the beating down words of others didn’t get to him like they used to.. now Hinata thought it was time to take things into his own meddling, little hands.</p><p>Because the boy wasn’t as skilled in the field he oh so wanted to be in. Sports.. volleyball.. general educational grades. He was at an all time low with those aspects about him. And so, while he worked hard at forcibly bettering himself, if he felt as though he didn’t work himself to the bone enough.. perhaps he’d punish himself.</p><p>Of course, this was the accidental bad habit that was sprouting. He’d skip his meals and instead practice, practice, practice. He ignored the dizziness and the hungering stomach growls and just continue to push himself. Punishing that poor malnourished body of his over the limits. Sometimes he’d faint, but then he’d awaken himself back up and continue to practice.</p><p>He knows it’s bad. He’s knows he shouldn’t be this deathly sick. He knows that help is an open option.</p><p>But alas, what is so scary about not eating? </p><p>He needs that question answered. He needs answers. He needs answers, needs to see a therapist, a hospital, an eating disorder ward, a goddamn fucking medical miracle.</p><p>And so, bringing us back to the original question..<br/>
what do you gain from selfishness?</p><p>What do you gain. From selfishness.</p><p>Well, the answer to that..</p><p>...</p><p>Well, we’ll find that out later.</p><p>But for now, as he peddles his way to school on his hour long journey, Hinata throws the toast his mom had given him off the cliff. Cringing his lips at the revolting piece of breakfast bread.
 He knew for sure that his mother and sister didn’t suspect a thing surprisingly, but he couldn’t say for sure for the guys..</p><p>You know, he already considers the club as a second family. As their friendships within each one played significant roles.<br/>
It is true that his speed and jump hadn’t rolled so smoothly, and the group had.. noticed. Hinata hasn’t been fast enough or hadn’t jumped high enough for the calculated sets sent from Kageyama at times. Although, Hinata tried playing it off as he was too distracted. And knowing Hinata’s nature, the club slightly shook it off.</p><p>And nobody really noticed how the Ginger’s clothes had become larger and he had to get a shoe lace in order to tighten his shorts. Kageyama had questioned it one time while changing in the club room, but Hinata said they grew within the washer and dryer. The taller just brushed it off with rolled eyes, calling him an idiot for it. Because this wasn’t too perceptible, as the boy’s frame was already tiny to begin with. </p><p>The club did eye him whenever he too-quickly refused to go get some snacks after practice. Hinata kept the excuse of having to go watch his little sister. He’s not sure if they completely brushed it off, but it was true that now they all had a confused eye on him.</p><p>It wasn’t just these weird little changes. But also his attitude and stamina. As sometimes, whenever Kageyama would insult him (as he’d normally do), Hinata would bark back a more backhanded one. His tone being awfully pissed off than usual, ending in some drawn out curses. Because Hinata, before, just took the shot with an apology.<br/>
This got attention.</p><p>And also, whenever he’d mess up in practice on serves or not jumping too quickly, he’d now furiously cuss. Sometimes, stomp his foot to the ground immaturely. Then when he’d get embarrassingly caught, he’d try to laugh it off and continue on with practice.<br/>
This, too, got attention.</p><p>And not to mention the overdoing on workouts besides halfassing through drastic exhaustion, the sleepiness during class, the look of pre-faint eyes, and generally the whole change of his vibe is what made the club notice.</p><p>Sure they asked him if he was okay and other variations of the concerning question along with pointing out his fatigue stature, but other than that.. Hinata felt like he kept his secret under water. It was just enough that they didn’t get Coach Ukai involved to get him to the nurse, he’d want anything else but that.</p><p>And so, with the hour timed out, Hinata finally arrived at school. Bright and early just thirty minutes before school was in session. So making his way towards the club rooms, he stopped just before the building. Now plopping down his bag and snatching his volleyball. Tanaka wouldn’t be here at the moment, and he was pretty sure that Kageyama wouldn’t be here for another ten minutes. So solo practice time was a go.</p><p>Using his new custom tactic, he began hitting his ball towards the wall. He’d use an over hand to directly let it slam to the floor and upwards to the wall, thus reflecting off and zooming right towards Hinata. To which, the boy scurried fast to the direct location of the slamming point, and underhand hit it. Continuing that underhand while his body lowered down. Knees, sit position, laying position, hold it there for a while while continuing hitting the volleyball, sit position, knees, standing, and repeat the system. </p><p>He liked practicing early in the morning. Despite it being so fucking cold, he felt as though.. he deserved the sting. So Hinata continued his small practice for several minutes until the pain in his legs caused him to wobble.</p><p>“Shit, shit, shit..” he grumbled, frustrated at the aching. Then began to stammer himself towards the wall, throwing his back to it while panting.</p><p>It hurt.</p><p>It hurt so badly, god, it’s so annoying.</p><p>Hinata growled out of anger whilst clutching that dear volleyball as he exhaled his distressed exhales. Again, it was normal. To feel this way.</p><p>So while he was holding himself against the concrete wall, he looked down to the hands that were clutching his trusted ball. Slim wrists burned red and those boney fingers’ nails were bitten to the second layer. And shit did it hurt. But he couldn’t help but to press down on them at random spurts. He probably shouldn’t even be biting his nails now because he’ll probably make em bleed aga-</p><p>“Hinata.”</p><p>“BaH-“ With a surprised jump, the ginger’s chaotic body jumbled towards the ground. With his back slamming against the dirt and volleyball thrown, it was caught by a familiar black haired setter.</p><p>“What’re you doing sitting against the wall, weirdo. You look like you were trying to take a shit.” Kageyama commented with his deadpanned expression, now beginning to lightly throw the back upwards only to catch it within in his hands and repeat.</p><p>“I was taking a little break, before you decided to barge in.” Hinata barked back with furrowed eyebrows, hopping back to his feet to brush off the dirt from his coat.</p><p>“Little break from what? Taking a shit?” He replied, amused.</p><p>“I wasn’t taking a shit, damnit!” The shorter one defended before he snatched away the ball from the air, holding it to his chest. “I was practicing because Tanaka-senpai isn’t here to open up the club room.”</p><p>Kageyama snuffed before pulling out a shiny tool from his hoodie pocket, “Dachi said I could open up today, actually. Looks like you’re just not reliable enough for the great deeds of handing the club room key. It’s just a job for me.” He snickered mockingly, now walking on past him to get to the stairs.</p><p>Hinata growled, “Oh shut up! Says the one who was late today!” He quickly yanked his bag placed upon the ground before scampering to the other on the stairs. “Oh! So that means that today I won! Okay.. so that means I now have about five hundred points for me and maybe three.. no, let’s make it, two points for Kageyama.”</p><p>“You runt! You know damn well I don’t have that low of points— And I’m not even the second on points either, you literally got no concept of numbers you first grader.”</p><p>“Still doesn’t change the fact I won today~” He hummed, although interrupted by violent rubs on his hair.</p><p>“That’s because you like to cheat.” Kageyama stated, continuing to scrape the orange fluff.</p><p>“Eh?! How is that cheating??” Hinata yanked the big hand off.</p><p>“I accidentally woke up late today, idiot! So I technically means the point doesn’t count!” He yelled as he began to open up the door to the club room. Returning that hand to the shorter’s head and shaking. To which, the ginger slapped it off angrily before scurrying into the club room.</p><p>As he set down his giant volleyball bag, he plopped himself onto a nearby chair. Containing his pained legs from trembling the ache. Not to mention that his vision was slightly blurry since stupid Kageyama decided to mangle with his hair. He didn’t even notice that he had his elbows planted to his spread knees with his head lowered. His slouching back gave a small twitch in pain. The bruises that were left from the many pull ups he has done still painted there.</p><p>“Oi, runt. You gonna throw up or something? Better do it outside of the club room, if you’re gonna.” Kageyama commented as he began stocking his shoes onto a nearby shelf.</p><p>Hinata was a bit startled at the voice, now desperately trying to regain his normal vision, he looked up with a squint. “I’m not gonna throw up, shuddup.” </p><p>“Then what’s with your face being all pale? Do we have a test or did you eat something bad?” He asked with a raised brow, even though his view was still to his shoes. He didn’t bother with turning over to look at the boy.</p><p>Hinata could practically punch himself right now. Did he make it too obvious of being in this stage? Damnit. “No. I’m just cold.”</p><p>
 I mean.. it wasn’t really a lie.

</p><p>“Cold?” Kageyama finally looked to the teenager, who was now sitting strictly. “It’s literally not that cold today. Hell, I’m kinda getting a bit hot in this hoodie.” He informed, looming confused (a tint of suspicious) eyes up and down Hinata. Who looked at though he clad himself in maybe a long sleeve under his black uniform and a coat. Even gloves and a scarf was somehow necessary.</p><p>“You look like you’re dressed for winter.” The black haired said.</p><p>Hinata’s hands clenched. He didn’t want this dude to be onto his wasted away secret.</p><p>But quick, he needed something to get himself out of this. “Well..” Shit, shit, fuck, he has nothing— “Actually, I can dress how ever I wanna.”</p><p>The taller was silent for a little before he scoffed, “Whatever. Guess you’re right, but you still look like a freakin weirdo with all that on.”</p><p>“Well you look like a freakin weirdo all the time.” Hinata bounced back.</p><p>“Your comebacks are always so bad. Anyways, here.” Kageyama was reaching into his bag, digging around in there before a wrapped sandwich was thrown to the other. Who scrambled to catch as it slapped itself to his face. “You still look like you’re gonna throw up either way, so eat that.”</p><p> blinked at the packaged good within his hands, troubling to make out why it was Kageyama to be the one to offer food. It’s an odd situation where the setter was kind. “Ew. You’re freaking me out, you don’t do nice things.” He grumbled with a glare, to which the brunet scowled.</p><p>“Oi! You look like a zombie so I wouldn’t be talkin.” He barked.</p><p>Hinata’s lip twitched now returning his gaze to the sandwhich. It was so soft. And it looked so good. Geez, he can’t remember when he went to a seven eleven to buy one of these things. And just staring at it freaked him out and made him wanna go on a brutal rampage. He didn’t like the fact that there was a slice of nutrients in front of him.</p><p>It’s disgusting that he actually wants to eat it.</p><p>“Nah. You probably poisoned it or something.” Hinata created an excuse, tossing it back over which was caught and ricocheted back to him.</p><p>“Stupid. When I say take it then take it, man. I don’t want your stubborn ass to be halfassing it in practice today. It’s annoying when you fuck up the quick attack,” Kageyama returned, now glaring. “Besides, I have money for yogurt so I probably won’t need that anyways.” He insisted angrily.</p><p>But Hinata’s trembling hands rumbled at the sensation of the sandwhich in his grasp once more, but he kept that wary smile plastered, “Nah. I ate a lot this morning, so I’m not even hung-“</p><p>His stomach growled loudly.</p><p>Ah, just his luck.</p><p>The two of them were shunned away in silence, both knowing that Hinata’s little game of returning was shamed. The ginger’s eyes were averted and Kageyama brought his view to the face of the shorter.</p><p>It was first confused, until he blinked to a rather concerned expression. That look turning vaguely suspicious. “Oi. You’re not doing anything weird are you?”</p><p>“Eh?? What’re mean weird?” Hinata yapped back defensively.</p><p>“I dunno, dude. Nowadays, you’re kinda weird. Like.. weirder than usual.” He admitted, taking a small step towards the seated boy. Hinata gave a tiny flinch to that, slightly bringing himself inwards.</p><p>“If you’re talking about the fucking-up-quick-attack-thing, it was only like four times! I said I was sorry, I was distracted!” Hinata whined, sharp eyes stabbing to the one taller.</p><p>Kageyama shook his head, “No, no. Not just that. Like.. you suck more than you used to—“ Ah, such kind and comforting words. “And like, I dunno.. I just feel like you’re probably doing something shady. You get so weirded out with food.. or somebody even mentioning it.”</p><p>Hinata had paused, his figure a bit frozen once Kageyama was practically looming over him. Eyes dragging up and down in pure intuition. Did he figure him out?? Is he going to out him to the team?? Is Kageyama really that observant?? So much stress made his mind and eyes quiver, making him want to throw up. But he stood ground as he glared right back to Kageyama’s eyes. “You’re kinda weirding me out, man. I don’t remember doing anything of those things.”</p><p> Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.</p><p>Kageyama decided to go silent. Allowing the conversations of students from outside to be the only thing vacant in the empty room. He just stared into the other’s eyes with a squint, making Hinata wonder if he was just picking a fight at this point.</p><p>But that look.</p><p>It was searching for something.</p><p>Kageyama’s intense gawking looked as though he knew of something to be found.</p><p>“Eh. Guess you’re right, you’re probably getting on some different level of weird.” He shrugged, backing up to his bag once more and continuing whatever it is. “But either way. Take the sandwhich, you can pay me back later.”</p><p>“Pay you back?? Huh? I didn’t even want it in the first place!” Hinata grouches, pointing to the good. Which their conversation of arguing carried on until the other members of the club slowly piled in. Then their conversation switched onto one to another until it was clear time to head to class.</p><p>Hinata left the club room, with a sandwhich (oddly gifted to him forcibly by Kageyama), but he had no intent of chowing down on it. Oh no, no, no.. instead, that wrapped good was handed down over to one of his friends.</p><p>So now, no food. No bickering. And no worries.</p><p>...</p><p>Although, it was clear that Kageyama knew Hinata’s gaze was hiding something..</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hey, all i gonna say is that a lot of stuff that happens had happened in my life and what i have been through. hinata does extremely unhealthy things, whether it be through communication and not taking care of himself, he is harming himself and nobody should ever do that. again, kageyama is not a solution. he doesn't help with the ED. he's only there for his friend, and hinata goes through his own stuff going through the ed. please don't read if triggering. eating disorders aren't cute or pretty, i describe in the story that it is painful and disgusting and it hurts, it hurts others too. PLEASE educate me if i am doing something wrong!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. unfamiliar kindness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>u guys kinda noticed how the point of view in the last chapter was mainly in second hand Hinata’s?.. yeah this chapter mainly in the mind of Kageyama’s. I think it’s just gonna be this chapter where it’s going to have a Kageyama point of view. And then the rest will be just point of view Hinata. I dunno,, still thinkin but we’ll seeeee,,</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What’s wrong with him?..</p><p>Seriously.. what is he doing to himself?</p><p>Kageyama wasn’t sure if the guy was just getting stupider or maybe he decided he’d tweak out on some shit drugs.<br/>
But.. it looks as though the once annoying, overly-energized Hinata wasn’t the same Hinata as before.</p><p>It was small things. Small little bursts of certain differences that the short teen would release is was caught attention. Whether it be not being quick enough for their fast attack or how he became more distant with the guys. Just small things that made Kageyama stare at the ginger in silent confusion.</p><p>He was different.<br/>
And Kageyama didn’t know if he liked that.</p><p>It was true that the brunet mainly kept his thoughts at silent ground, but he sometimes wondered if he should allow himself to be vocal with the other club members. He’d want to bring up the difference of enthusiastic, energized Hinata from a few months ago, to the one furiously groaning various (unnecessary) profanities when he couldn’t reach a volleyball quick in time. </p><p>He was so angry. So moody. Like.. all the time.</p><p>And it was annoying the hell out of Kageyama.</p><p>Annoying because there couldn’t be any reason to why the guy became such a bothersome child. Annoying because he didn’t want to deal with a guy who couldn’t comply with volleyball skills he already mastered before.<br/>
He wasn’t there to babysit. Wasn’t there to tell Hinata to calm down whenever he threw a cussing fit when he messed up. And especially wasn’t there to calm HIMSELF down when Hinata barked back a ‘shut the hell up’ in response.<br/>
He’s.. honestly, it made concerns of his.</p><p>It made Kageyama worry.</p><p>Although facial expressions and backhanded insults say otherwise, the setter grew a little suspicious of how Hinata tried to avoid every possible encounter with after-practice snacks. It was always a nice offer from Dachi or Suga, but shot down instantly with that same stupid excuse of going to go take care of his little sister.<br/>
And Kageyama knows for damn sure that his mom is already home by then. He fucking told him a couple months ago that his mom gets off of work at 5 and practice ends around 6 or even later!</p><p>And it was those trembling fingers.. and fatigue state. His pre-faint, tired eyes and unfamiliar vibe to him. All of it, all of him.. was different. God, man, he looked so fucking sick. He looked so ghost-white pale.</p><p>It made Kageyama so confused and so goddamn worried. It was so weird because why the hell would he even worry about some other guy’s business he shouldn’t butt into?? God.. maybe he was getting it all wrong, perhaps. And besides, it’s not even his problem to begin with, he’s overthinking this shit.</p><p>..hm.</p><p>But still, he couldn’t help but catch a few glances and those deathly white, bruised ribs of Hinata’s to the side of him while getting dressed for practice.<br/>
He was so small. So tiny. Anybody would notice how his white practice shirts were beginning to grow huge on him, but.. guess the only person who’s noticed was Kageyama.</p><p>It’s all bones.. all skin and bones. </p><p>“Oi.” Kageyama said, causing Hinata to flinch and desperately pull over his shirt swiftly. “Did you ever eat that sandwhich I gave you earlier?”</p><p>Hinata cringed to the question, hugging himself a little with a minute scared expression upon his face. “A-Ah.. y.. yeaaaahh. Yep. It was very nice to eat.” He said, folding his previous clothes and plopping to a chair for his shoes.</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Kageyama nodded, tying his own shoelaces. “Did you like the ham katsu?” He asked.</p><p>Hinata nodded as slipped his feet into his sports shoes, Kageyama taking note of how he was quivering violently without his hoodie. “Y-Yeah. I love ham katsu. Thanks again.” He said in a rather quickened tone. </p><p>It was painfully obvious that the ginger didn’t want this conversation to lead on any further. If that wasn’t the case, he wouldn’t have those wide, wary eyes of his bursting from his face with uncomfortable straight-lined lips.</p><p>Now, this? This was what Kageyama has been noticing. The others just noticed little parts of it, but Kageyama could sense that there was something more to this character change. The brunet was going to continue on his pushing, until he heard other club members walking through the door.</p><p>“Do any of you dudes got an extra knee pad I can borrow!” It was Noya, walking in as he threw his bag to the floor and begun to change. </p><p>“Eh? Noya, you lost a knee pad?” Tanaka asked as he entered through the door, alongside with Dachi, Suga, and Asahi. “Bruh, did u forget one at home or somethin’?”<br/>
God damn, just about Kageyama’s luck. Geez, why did everybody gotta come into the club room now?</p><p>“I think I accidentally dropped it during a class, maybe. Cuz I remember putting it in when I went to school.” Noya replied, rumbling through his bag.</p><p>“Hehe. Putting it in.” Tanaka chuckled at the childish statement, receiving a small slap to the head from Dachi passing by. “You can’t afford to lose your knee pads, Noya. You could scrape a leg pretty badly.” Asahi commented while he began to dress into his practice clothes. </p><p>“Argh, I’ll see if any of my classmates found one while cleaning. And if not, I’ll just go buy another.” Noya responded.</p><p>“I don’t even think we’re gonna do drills involving gettin on the ground, though.” Suga popped in. “Couch Ukai said yesterday that we’ll be focusing on underhanded aim and setters.”</p><p>The conversation amongst the guys continued as they began to dress. Kageyama was done with his last tied shoe and somehow found his eyes leading back to the guy warming his hands with his hoodie sleeves on the chair across of him.</p><p>This was a new thing with him, now. He’s always cold. Or sensitively vulnerable to the weather. Like, today wasn’t even freezing, at all, and Hinata looked as though dressed for snow. Both confusing and bothersome. In the gym, with it’s no AC condition, he seemed to be pulled together a bit with no cold temperature. But looks as though when the heat kicked, he sweat like waterfall. And energy was surprisingly low.</p><p>Odd.</p><p>“Oi Hinata, ain’t you excited to be hitting the volleyball with Kageyama!” Tanaka grinned as he called out to the trembling boy. Although, despite him being quite loud enough, Hinata didn’t seem to answer. As though his lower gaze was dropped to his hands. Which had stopped as now he was drifted a hand along his bony wrist, squeezing occasionally.</p><p>The other guys were too preoccupied with getting themselves ready that they didn’t witness at hand, but Kageyama watched. And this of all, made him raise a brow.</p><p>The fuck is wrong with him?</p><p>“Earth to Hinata-a-a!” Tanaka blurted, now swerving himself around to knock a soft hand to that fluffy hair, causing Hinata to jump and yelp. “Watcha doing ignoring your senpai? You good, my guy?”</p><p>Hinata was quick to nod, “Y-Yes!! I’m just, ah.. thinking about how cool it’s gonna be when I hit our quick attacks!! It’ll be like ‘wapoo’ and ‘kajam’!”</p><p>“That’s the good spirit!” The bald teen pat against the boy’s back, who had a stretched smile.</p><p>With that, Hinata leaped from his chair and slipped his torso within the hoodie, aiming for the door. Again, this little quirk he had developed for some time.. removing himself from any upbeat and enthusiastic discussions. It wasn’t like him. So as Hinata exited the club room, Kageyama began to follow afterwards. </p><p> Once he got himself out, he watched the scampering boy. “Hinata.” He called lowly, watching as the tracks became frozen. The ginger slowly turned himself around with a weak smile, “Yeah, Kageyama?” </p><p> The setter allowed himself to just stare to the shorter, setting aside the rather awkward silence until he whipped out a dark glare. “You sure you enjoyed that ham katsu? 

“Y-Yeah..” Hinata hesitantly nodded.

“Because, if I remember correctly, I believe I bought a tonkatsu sandwhich instead of a ham katsu.” </p><p>And there. With just the background noises of faint singing birds and the conversations of other clubs, the two were in dreadful silence. Kageyama holding up an intimidating glare whilst it looked as though Hinata’s face expression was life flashing before his very eyes. Such horrified, wide eyes.</p><p>”So why did you try to lie to me?” Kageyama asked, a hand resting on his hip.</p><p> Hinata had begun to quietly stammer, eyes still locked onto the demising dagger. Practically becoming temporary frozen.</p><p>”I knew it,” Kageyama scoffed unbelievably. “You’re hiding something, aren’t you?” </p><p>The hesitation. The terrified facial expression. It exposed Hinata. But of what.. the brunet still couldn’t piece anything together to provide him a reasonable explanation. Only Hinata could get him the answer he needed, but he had quickly spun around and began sprinting off wards the stairs. Leaving Kageyama in the dusts of an unsolvable problem. </p><p>He just ran away. That, itself, wasn’t handled with any reluctance whatsoever.</p><p>”..The fuck?” Is all Kageyama had to murmur to himself before walking himself towards practice.</p><p>—</p><p>“Alright! Five laps around the gym!” A command commenced by Couch Ukai before all the boys began to as so. Kageyama was in the very leads with Hinata alongside, although, he kept a good enough distance with the man. Obviously, the little quarrel the two had about five minutes ago still mattered. How annoying. </p><p>“Oi Hinata-“ Kageyama began. But the value upon him talking held little importance to the shorter, as immediately after, he began to sprint. Passing by the setter in a reckless dash. The asshole.. the audacity the guy has to have to ignore him. </p><p>”Little shit.” He grumbled before kicking up his feet to match up alongside with the orange headed twerp. Kageyama passed a few angry glances to the other racer, but no look was given. Instead, the determined, and rather worried, brown orbs were pinned in front of him. Not complying to, at least, spare a glance to Kageyama. </p><p>Soon enough, the duo had finished up their little race of five laps, proceeding to pant heavily while waiting for the others to finish. Even supposing, Hinata had his bottom to the floor, practically gasping for air as if he were choking. Already sweating furiously.</p><p>”Hinata, need your water?” Yachi had offered, seeing his state of being. Hinata nodded, plucking the bottle from her hands.</p><p>”You’re getting slower.” Kageyama commented.</p><p>“Fuck off already, damn..” Replied Hinata, already giving dangerous attitude.</p><p>Kageyama held back his anger to the boy, he’ll be the bigger person here and save his fight for when practice is over.</p><p>“Alright. Let’s go, let’s go!” Ukai clapped his hands, all the members beginning to gather round into a circle. “Okay, I want you all to split into equal groups and we’re gonna do a quick two match against eachother! Losing team’s gotta do five more laps.”</p><p>Soon after, the various teens began separate into two groups, starting off a fresh serve with Dachi. Slamming the volleyball harshly, it aimed right for Noya. But with quick reflexes, he was able to slide back and pop the ball high into the air. Now the job within the hands of the setter, but Kageyama had his options.</p><p>Now, he was a bit hesitant with Hinata, obviously. As his calculated jumps weren’t as high as they used to be, so he’d probably miss the ball midair. And losing was a pain. Not to mention, Hinata’s little tantrums were annoying. So with quick push, he aimed the ball into a setter dump. Although, that was picked up quickly by Dachi from the other side.</p><p>“It’s up! It’s up!” Shouted Noya.</p><p>The ball flown from Dachi to the hands of Suga, who put it up to Ennoshita. Hinata, Kageyama, and Tanaka hopped up to block, but the volleyball slammed towards Hinata. Passing him by to the open space he carelessly left open.</p><p>So with the point going over to the other team, Kageyama groaned. “Hinata! You runt! The ball was clearly on that side- you shouldn’t have tried to block, idiot!”</p><p>The shorter rolled his eyes, turning himself away, “Whatever..”</p><p>“Don’t fucking ‘whatever’ me! You should already know this shit, how many brain cells are you losing?!” Kageyama barked angrily. Although, a hand rested itself on his shoulder, “Oi, cool it down, bruh. Don’t be trying to pick a fight with Hinata again.” Tanaka said.</p><p>“Geez. He’s the one with the fuckin’ attitude.” Kageyama scoffed as he shoved his shoulder away from the grasp, trotting back to his middle position. Already two minutes on the court, and thick tension had already built up between the two. Stuff like this was a lightly normal thing, but nowadays it’s progressed dreadfully.</p><p>“And next time, pass me the ball.” Hinata snapped, positioning himself into his upper right section.</p><p>Kageyama had to pause. Holding his rather disgusted expression to the other boy, who paid no eye contact in return. In disbelieve, Kageyama balled his fist tightly, allowing the fury of angry bottling within him to flow out carefully. He didn’t want to be giving anybody a black eye anytime soon. “Yeah. I’ll think about that.” He uttered through teeth.</p><p>“No. Pass me the ball to me next time. It wasn’t a question.” Hinata commanded. And as the rest of the team tried to ignore the little argument slowly raising to a potential fight, all of them wore surprised faces. With the anger and impatience tone Hinata had quipped, Couch Ukai even raised his brows.</p><p>That was when Tanaka stepped in once more, “Hey, you guys gotta calm down. Hinata, I think that Kageyama wou-“</p><p>“Oh, and you expect me to be intimidated by your stupid ass? I said that I’d fucking think about it but now you gave me an actual reason to not toss to you.” Kageyama bursted, directing his angry stomping towards Hinata until he was looming over him. Hinata was visibly taken back when he gotten closer, yet, he continued to stand ground while returning a glare. “I’m not gonna toss to somebody who I know is not gonna win.”</p><p>“Okay, seriously, you guys need to stop.” Dachi called out, swooping underneath the net to seperate the two via their chests. “Alright.. Hinata, you gotta understand that at the end of the day, Kageyama passes to whoever he wants to pass to. You just gotta be there in case it goes to you. You really can’t be demanding tosses, dude.” He calmly explained with a stern look. Hinata continued his stare at Kageyama, paying no mind to the other until he placed a hand on his shoulder. “Hinata. You got that?” He sharply asked.</p><p>Hinata shot his glare to Dachi for a moment until he shook off the hand, readying back into his original lineup, “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”</p><p>After brushing off his explanation, Dachi calmly exhaled. Then returned onto the other side for his turn of serving. Kageyama, himself, returned to his middle spot, occasionally glancing to the ginger. Watching him grumble rudely.</p><p>No enthusiasm.<br/>
No smiles either.<br/>
It was just attitude in an angry package.<br/>
Being generously given to Kageyama every waking second.</p><p>Dachi served, the ball going directly to a line shot, but locked down by Asahi. Where it zoomed to Kageyama, that swerved over to Tanaka. Who hit it down to earn a rightful point.</p><p>“Yes.” Kageyama grinned to the satisfying sound of the ball collision to the floor. Until he felt a small push against he elbow.</p><p>“The hell, man?” It was Hinata. And boy, did he look angry.</p><p>Kageyama whipped his head down to the boy, cringing his expression as his eyebrows crinkled. “What the fuck, man? Are you serious right now?”</p><p>“Why didn’t you toss to me.” Hinata scowled.</p><p>“Goddamnit, I already told your dumb ass that I’m not tossing to somebody who’s not gonna get a point! What part of that do you not understand??” The brunet snapped back.</p><p>With a few silent beats, Hinata flipped himself back around. “God, man. Ugh!” He groaned loudly.</p><p>Kageyama scoffed a ‘tch’ off to the side, from the corner of his eyes he could see Tanaka watching the two with wide, surprised eyes. He took no mind to that, though, as he shuffled over to the net in preparing for Asahi’s serve. The other two followed suit until the man hit it over, then the three sprinted back to their original positions.</p><p>The ball went to Ennoshita, who hit it up leading towards Suga. “Got it!” The silver-haired announced until he punched it upwards. The ball now being slammed by Dachi, finding it’s way to Asahi. It popped from there to the brunet setter, awaiting its touch.</p><p>“Kageyama! Fucking toss to me!!” An angry yell erupted from the side of him.</p><p>With the amount of immature anger packed within that cry, Kageyama just as so wanted to leave that ball to be bulleted to his other option, Tanaka. But with a quick glance to Hinata, he saw his signature pre-jump stature. Body pressed low and hands whipped towards a low-lying angle. And then, quickly shooting up.. he flew. Flying as if he’d expect the ball even when he gave shit ass attitude to the setter. Kageyama had been pissed with the treatment he’d been given. So he held his annoyed look angrily, and with the high aim mixed with perfect timing, Kageyama saw the perfect target.</p><p>If Hinata wanted a toss, then Hinata will get a toss.</p><p>So with the ginger drifting up in the air, Kageyama darted his ball within his direction. ..However, instead of a packed slap to be sounded, he heard an unplanned noise of action-</p><p>Bam!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. tending to the suspicion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A simple mistake spurts up more tension.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With the attitude, and the overall disrespect Kageyama’s been given for a while by the shorter. Perhaps his built up anger got the best of him as he let out a frustrated grunt and tossed the ball recklessly.</p><p>Of course, he somehow expected a slap to that ball.. but instead it crashed into Hinata’s cheek. Causing that jump to wobble midair and plummet to the hard floor, an oh-so painful thump erupted loudly throughout the whole gym. Shock painting every one of the players, along with the ones on the sidelines.</p><p>Everybody temporary frozen in place as Hinata laid upon the ground, completely lifeless.</p><p>“Holy shit!- Hinata!—“ Noya shouted before running up towards the lying body, everybody soon followed suit in a sprint. The brunet still locked in his previous setting position with wide eyes upon Hinata.</p><p>Fuck. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckholyshit-</p><p>“Alright— Dont surround him, step back,” Coach Ukai commanded, the players complying with the order and shuffled back. “Hinata’s breathing, right? Is he conscious? He ain’t dead.” He asked as he walked up to the circle.</p><p>“Fuck, he’s out, bro.” Tanaka said after the slim wrist he plucked upwards fell to the ground once dropped. </p><p>Once Kageyama’s frozen stage finally wore off, his wide eyes allowed themselves to blink. Imprinting the image of Hinata’s unconscious body on the ground, he bit his lip.</p><p>“Damn. How pissed are you at Hinata to hit him with a ball?” Tsukishima asked coldly from the side of him. Kageyama couldn’t respond, as he stood watching Hinata laid on the floor.. unable to comprehend the situation at hand.</p><p>“I..- I really didn’t mea-“ He attempted at talk but-</p><p>“Oh my god, he’s bleeding!!” Yachi screeched and the crowd jumbled once more.</p><p>As the ginger was passed out on the floor, his small nose began to trickle red liquid. The blood reaching down to the wood in a splat.</p><p>“Okay, alright- uh, I-I’ll take him to the nurse. Asahi, could u help?” Coach Ukai said nervously, now crouching down to Hinata as cupping his hands under his armpits. Pulling him up, the blood soon pathed a trail to his white tshirt, staining it.</p><p>“No, you’re gonna hurt him like that-“ Kageyama finally said, trotting over to the scene. Pushing his way in through the circle, he pried the hands of his coach off of Hinata. Then begun carefully and delicately slinging Hinata’s fragile body onto his back. Seeming to have no problem with it.</p><p>Then began to jog out of the gym in a flash, extremely mindful not to make any uncomfortable turns or bounces to disturb the body on his back. He heard small shouts and mumbles from behind him, but all he wanted at the moment was to get the boy to the nurse. </p><p>“Shitshitshitshitshitshit-“ He quietly grumbled to himself, his face complimented with furrowed eyebrows. A sign of annoyance, anger, or concern? The question was open for answers.</p><p>He passed through other kids with their clubs using rude pushes or ‘get out of the way’s amongst the hallways, wanting to dodge every possible obstacle. His face oddly tinting a bit red as he felt the cold cheek of the others pressing against his. As the head of Hinata’s was resting gently on his shoulder. Kinda dripping his blood upon either Kageyama or the floor while at it. The hands firmly holding onto the ginger’s thighs occasionally tightened with every passing turn.</p><p>“Hinata, hang in there- shit-“ Kageyama mindlessly groaned, continuing his jogging throughout the many of the school’s highways until he finally got to the nurse. Slightly dipping himself backwards, he used a foot to slide open the door. “Oi! Somebody’s got a bloody nose—“</p><p>But, to his pointless call, there wasn’t a nurse found. Just an empty infirmary. Which caused Kageyama to sigh deeply.</p><p>He then decided to place the unconscious boy to the bed, purposely propping his back to the bedframe. “Tissue, tissue, tissue, where the fuck does this bitch keep the tissue at—“ He grumbled as he sloshed through the drawers and cabinets. Now finding what’s needed in stock, he quickly zipped back to Hinata and wiped the lower face.</p><p>It would be dangerously irresponsible to plug up his nose in his passed out state. So the boy cleaned up what he could before zooming back over to the cabinets, snatching a cloth before wetting it within the sink. Now with a wet cloth, he began to properly clean the bloodied face. Groaning occasionally whenever more red liquid just spurted out. </p><p>But nevertheless, he continued to wipe and cleanse the face. Always hopping back and forth from the sink and Hinata as the cloth began to dirty. </p><p>“Goddamnit, I didn’t mean to fuckin hit his face..” He mumbled to himself, whilst wiping the cheekbones. </p><p>Flopping his hand to the bed, a relieved sigh exhaled as he realized that there wasn’t anymore blood dripping from the freckled nose. A good sign, a really really good sign.<br/>
So with knees pressed against the tile floor, elbows dipped into the rather hard bed, he lowered his head and panting a tad. The running had caught up to him along with the back-and-forth game of player and sink.</p><p>Regaining fine composure, the brunet took a glance upwards to Hinata. Dropping his head into the pit of his arms, his eyes drug themselves over the visible cheekbone. The way that you could see the thin skin around bone whilst immersing around oddly. And the way how those collarbones popped out from his chest alarmed him. They caved inwards so deeply..</p><p>“Huh..” He whispered. His hand reached up towards the shoulder, gliding a slow finger among the collarbone. </p><p>He couldn’t explain it, but there was a small interest to how the boy appeared this way. He also noticed how there were freckles patching the toned yellow skin. Dotting amongst the facial area. And the shoulders, too. Soon, his eyes caught attention of his arm, blinking. There was a small scrape along it, making the setter squint.</p><p>Besides that, the finger was mindlessly dragging downwards from the upper arm. Obviously dodging around the wound, he gotten down to his wrist. Finding himself to plaster a worried look to the concerning size. As thin skin was tightly wrapped around the bone. </p><p>“What in the..”</p><p>Kageyama slowly scooped his hand underneath the wrist, raising brows as he registered how extremely small it fit within his palm.<br/>
So skinny..<br/>
Kageyama could make a spacious circle with his index and thumb wrapped around it.</p><p>Soon enough, he had placed the hand down, now a finger tapped to the other’s hand. As expected, he saw how tiny it was. How the fingernail’s were practically chewed off and there were scabs and scars around the knuckles. Gently drifting his own hand against those odd knuckles, he felt movement and a whine from up. Immediately he sprung from his actions and whipped the hand away. </p><p>Fuck. What the fuck was he doing. Is he a fucking pervert? Jesus fucking Christ..</p><p>“Mghhn..” Hinata grunted. The closed eyes inching to a weak stare. “Ka.. Kageyama?..” He breathily questioned once his gaze planted onto the brunet.</p><p>“Oh. Hi. Uh.. you’re in the infirmary. So.. yeah.” Poorly explaining the scene, Kageyama stretched an awkward smile.</p><p>Hinata’s lifeless eyes stood staring at the teenager before carried over to in front of him. Probably regaining proper consciousness.</p><p>“So, uh.. Are you. Like. Feeling okay? Or something?.. Cuz you kinda fell pretty badly and like.. it looked like it hurt and stuff.” Kageyama said with a stern look. Observing his body as Hinata’s hand went up to his nose, attempting to touch it.</p><p>“Ey! You runt, don’t touch your nose, it’s sensitive—“ Kageyama was quick to reach his hand over to the others, trying at pushing it down before it make contact with the face.. but too slow as more red make a trail. Hinata blinked in surprise, then glanced to Kageyama.</p><p>“Goddamit, okay, wait. Don’t do anything,” He prompted before trekking to get more tissues and a clean cloth.</p><p>He returned and aimed the wet cloth towards Hinata until he had flinched. ..Rather violently, at that. The bed practically shook and a hand went up to shield himself.</p><p>Kageyama, slightly taken back by this notion, slowly pulled the cloth away, “Hey. I’m just gonna clean your nose.” He stated. “So.. just calm down. Alright?” </p><p>Hinata stood protecting himself with fearsome eyes for a second, until he had soon lowered his shielding arm. Blinking averting to the side before leaning into the cloth. Allowing the fabric to wipe under the nose and be stuffed with soft tissue. Kageyama was careful to this action, concentrated orbs were zipping back and forth to the cleansing and to the comfortable condition of Hinata. Whose eyes were shakily closed.</p><p>“There.” Kageyama said, nodding once the tissues were correctly in place. Noticing Hinata reopening his vision. </p><p>“Ow.” The ginger whined. “Why did u have to hit me so hard, Kageyama..”</p><p>The brunet growled, “Wasn’t my fault. You’re the one that was giving attitude, I just got frustrated. I didn’t mean to do it so calm the hell down.“</p><p>Now silent, Hinata refused to engage within the angry eye contact of Kageyama. Just staring off to the opposite direction. Causing the other to sigh, allowing the quiet consume them both carelessly. That is, until that wound on Hinata’s arm caught his attention once more. “Hey. You got another cut.. hold on.” He said, annoyed, now pushing himself up from his knees and walking back over to the cabinets. </p><p>When turned away, he heard the shifting of the bedsheets and immediately swerved back around. Seeing Hinata pull himself from the bed to get up.</p><p>“No need. I’m fine.” He said, even as his legs trembled under his weight. Hands were clinging to the bed-frame as he attempted to walk. “I wanna go back to practice.” Bed frame now released of the small hands, those legs quivered brutally to walk. But soon wobbling as he began to crash down, multiple grunts were released.</p><p>Kageyama panicked beyond the scene. With furrowed eyebrows and those broad orbs, he scrambled himself over to the boy beginning to fall. Snatching his hem of the tshirt, he was held up from his back. After that notion, he locked his hands underneath the armpits.</p><p>“O-Oi!! You just got a bloody nose from falling like nine feet in the air, you goddamn runt!! Are you stupid???” The galled teen erupted.</p><p>Hinata groaned within the awkward grasp, flailing an arm to push against the leg nearest to him. “Fuckin let me go, Kageyama. It wasn’t that bad—“</p><p>“Nine feet, Hinata?! You think falling from nine feet is not that bad??” He growled, towing the light boy upwards. “That’s a high fucking fall, Hinata! You’re lucky to not have a goddamn concussion! That high of a fall is fucking concerning for a shortass like you!”</p><p>Despite being so heated up, he had to pause once he saw how easy it was to tug the shorter upwards from his shirt. And with one hand. One hand. Going against a body of another teenager. It made him raise a brow.</p><p>“The fuck?” He cussed. Hinata continuing to hang in the position before he prodded a palm to Kageyama’s torso. “Jesus, man.. lemme go—“ Embarrassingly said with tinted cheeks.<br/>
At this position, he could still see freckles. Freckles coloring over the boney backbones of the teenager. Along with the poked out spine. As well at the frightening ribs of his being dangerously exposed by the lifted shirt.</p><p>Obliging with Hinata’s grouse, the shorter was carefully located back to the edge of the bed. His weak body limply swaying tenderly.</p><p>Kageyama stood standing in front of him, using strenuous eyes to drift up and down of the boy lower of him. Then he dipped down to a knee, still continuing to confusingly examine Hinata.</p><p>“Hey.” He said, now eyes stern. “How much do you weigh?”</p><p>Hinata was quiet. Refusing to look to the other, he cut off the contact he was being offered. Instead, he tried scooting away. Cynical actions causing the setter to lean in suspiciously.</p><p>“Hinata.. answer my que-“</p><p>“114 pounds.” He blurted, cheeks managing to squish up to squinted eyes.</p><p>Kageyama tilts his head, “Yeah.. I know that short people weigh little, but even then, you can’t be 114. You used to be kinda heavy..” He thoughtlessly rambled. Now snatching a wrist, he pulled the other. Meeting their eyes. “You’re lying to me.”</p><p>“N-No I’m not! Fucking let go of me—“ He struggled against the others hand, tugging his own limb but failing.</p><p>“I know you’re not 114.”</p><p>“Well I am so just let go of me damnit—“</p><p>“You’re doing something shady. You’re hiding something, I know it. It has to do with your weight doesn’t it??” Kageyama slowly began growing angrier, brows curled in as he refused to let go of the other.</p><p>“Fuck- let go, damnit!!-“ Hinata grunted.</p><p>“Why are you lying to me, you runt??” Kageyama gripped tighter.</p><p>“Goddamnit!-“</p><p>“You’re literally skin and bones. What are you doing to yourself?-“</p><p>“Kageyama, please—“</p><p>“You’re making me fuckin worry!”</p><p>“Please, for fuck’s sake!” Hinata now limped his arm, the struggling ceasing. With tired and weak eyes, he just practically begged with eyes. “You’re scaring me, Kageyama.. Just let go, it hurts—“</p><p>Kageyama stopped himself from returning a shout, because at that look given.. he could see the exhaustion. The exhausted look that was a rarity of an expression to be used by Hinata. Another thing of the shorter to be concerned about. Geez.</p><p>He released the wrist, watching as the ginger began to caress it kindly.</p><p>He looked so drained.<br/>
Painfully drained.<br/>
That couldn’t have been from just the accident at practice.<br/>
</p><p>“Okay, lemme just clean the wound, man. If it gets infected then you won’t be able to play volleyball.” He uttered, now gently bringing the wound to him. Cottonball containing alcohol flown onto it. “Careful. This is gonna sting.”</p><p>Wincing at the pulsating stab of pain, Hinata whined. Looking down at the operating cleaning portion. It wasn’t long until the eyes of Hinata drifted to Kageyama, who stood focused upon his injury.</p><p>Almost in awe, Hinata’s gaze grew a tad.. soft. Observing how delicately Kageyama was handling him. Gently pressing that alcohol-covered cottonball around the area until he unwrapped a bandaid to cover such. All handled so nicely. So.. nicely. Odd to find the brunet to be so gentle with him.<br/>
Hinata blinked. Through his slightly reddened cheeks, he twinged at the sound of his voice.</p><p>“You’re not hurt anywhere else, are you?” Kageyama asked calmly.</p><p>“U-Um.. N-No. No, I don’t think so..” Hinata answered. Slightly fiddling his fingers along eachother.</p><p>Fuck, fuck, fuck, so close, so close, he thought.</p><p>“Okay. That’s good.” Kageyama nodded, situating himself to stand. “Then lemme check if you’re still bleeding”</p><p>Beginning to remove the bloodied tissues, Hinata held himself strictly. Just allowing Kageyama to do his work. So.. closely.</p><p>“Do you wanna tell me why you lied about eating the sandwhich I gave you earlier.” Kageyama started conversation as he disposed of the dirty paper into a waste basket.</p><p>Hinata shifted uncomfortably in the bed. “I dunno, man...”<br/>
Make an excuse. Make an excuse. Make an excuse. Goddamnitgoddamnitfuckfuckfuck<br/>
“I don’t like sandwhiches. A-And I already had breakfast, too.. so... yeah..”</p><p>“Mm.” He hummed, wet cloth now pressing above the lip. “And.. Are you sure that’s it?” His look engaged within Hinata’s daringly.</p><p>“Yeah.” The ginger replied, careful not to soil his answer with bothersome stutters.</p><p>“And what’s up with those scars on your knuckles?”</p><p>Punching the concrete on the way home from school because I ate some offered almonds.</p><p>“I fell.” Was his answer. And Kageyama just simply nodded in return.</p><p>“Hinata.” He said, now finishing helping the other out, the cloth flopped to the bed. All attention was directed to the one situated on the bed. “What’s.. What’s going on.” He asked. “Something’s up. I know it.”</p><p>Hinata’s eyes marginally widened. This type of treatment given was beginning to overwhelm him. The kindness.. the gentleness. All such unfamiliar features of Kageyama, it was different. And that sudden personality change difference made his face boil. Flushing his face, coloring him flustered.</p><p>“It’s just...-“</p><p>With the intensity of his heart beat, Hinata continued the locked eye contact nervously with the tranquil setter. He couldn’t explain why, but.. he could feel himself wanting to open up. Wanting to tell the brunet about how the tremendous struggle of eating habits and darkened thoughts were probably consuming him alive.<br/>
The chains holding him down. The thrown away plates of food. The gripping depression.</p><p>At the moment, he believed he’d be able to finally sought help through Kageyama. The euphoria sensation made the corners of his lips twitch.</p><p>“I..”</p><p>But.</p><p>What will go on from there?</p><p>Would he judge Hinata? Would he laugh? Humiliate the boy until edging breakage? Would it mark the end of his friendship? Mark the end of the club? How will this go with the club?? If he were to be forced to quit, then he wouldn’t be able to beat Kageyama. Wouldn’t be able to be the next tiny giant.</p><p>So..</p><p>“Well..”</p><p>No. He couldn’t tell him.</p><p>“I actually have been stressed about classes.” He smiled softly.</p><p>Avert and dismay. That’s the plan.<br/>
Push it away, go and push it away. Help is not needed.</p><p>He doesn’t feel as if he were sick enough. Nor was he felt it was needed. Living off water and discarding food was what granted him power. Made him feel powerful. Feel better.</p><p>The feeling was disgusting.<br/>
But he couldn’t live without it.</p><p>“Oh. So that’s it.” Kageyama nodded, now rising to stand. “No wonder you’ve been different. Well, it’s none of my business anyways. We better get back to practice before coach and the others get worried.”</p><p>Hinata nodded with a strained grin. Glad that he could get that out of the way.</p><p>But, while returning to the gym. Kageyama still wondered..</p><p>Why is he still lying?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ive been listening to msi and ayesha erotica for the past days and i feel like moshing in a pit of glitter</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. the problem with onigiri</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>an offering is presented and Hinata is stressed as ever.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His legs.<br/>
They were hurting.</p><p>For Hinata, this kind of stuff would be normal. Lately, the several weeks for Hinata have been full of just constant pain regarding his body. Stomach pains, throat pains, headaches, leg pain, you name it and Hinata’s dealt with it. You get used to it after a while, but this leg pain he was experiencing at the moment was especially mean.</p><p>With every marching step, it felt as though he could collapse. Step by step, he could feel the nerves within his thighs quiver with sharp soreness. As if somebody were grappling to them and squeezing ruthlessly. Mercilessly causing agony for the poor boy ever since leaving the gym. And he didn’t even do anything! The club had him sit down and practice under hands and upper hands with the wall and or Yachi.</p><p>He had been forced to rest, and now that’s he’s making his way out of the school with his bike, walking made him want to just cry. God, he was so tired. He didn’t want to take any more steps, he just wanted to rest, because it hurt so fucking bad. For god’s sake, he was beginning to sweat. </p><p>Not mentioning the legs, the massive banging of his headache beats caused himself dizziness. Barely managing to keep weak, distorted eyes upon Tanaka who was babbling stories. He could feel Kageyama’s eyes digging to the side of his skull, but even then.. he couldn’t muster up any juice of energy to fake it.</p><p>He felt weak.</p><p>He wanted to cry. It hurt so much. God, it hurt so much. He just wanted to lie down.</p><p>Alas, for the sake of reputation, walking is something that must go on. Just for a little bit, just for a little while longer until he can pedal back home. He’ll probably rest a little by the mountain.</p><p>“Hey, Hinata, are you okay?” It was Yamaguchi’s voice. Drenched with worry, the question was gently asked to the side of him. Hinata winced to the concern, slowly turning towards the freckled boy. </p><p>“Y-Yeah! I’m good. Just.. uh, tired and stuff. My side just hurts a little bit since I fell.” Hinata forged, breaking through with a beam of realism. Despite that, Yamaguchi still held the concerned expression.</p><p>“Well, you did take quite a fall. But, you look really pale right now.” He admited. Tsukishima eyed the two as he began placing his headphones on, “He’s right, y’know. You look like a zombie.”</p><p>Shit. </p><p>“Tsukki!” The green-haired yelped out to the blonde. </p><p>Kageyama, on the other side of Hinata, welcomed himself into the conversation, “He’s got a point. And ever since you left the gym, you’d been quiet. You’re usually annoying with your talking.”</p><p>Hinata glared to the other, “Its probably from the bloody nose and the fall. Or whatever. Shut up.”</p><p>“I’d imagine you’d be hungry though. Hey, I got some yogurt in my bag if you-“ Yamaguchi started.</p><p>“No.” Interrupted harshly by the death glare of Hinata’s, the other paused their action upon opening their bag. The three of the first years stood a tad stunned to the reaction given. And to Yamaguchi, at that. It wasn’t long until Hinata came back to his senses and quickly loosened his expression.</p><p>He got carried away, shit. It was just with the mention of offered food itself, he just couldn’t handle that..</p><p>“A-Ah.. sorry, sorry!” He smiled lightly, bowing a couple of times. “It’s just u-um..”<br/>
Time for more thoughtless lying.<br/>
“My mom is actually making Tamago Kake Gohan tonight! And y-y’know, I really don’t wanna eat too much because she’s probably making it right now! Which probably reminds me that I should get home right now.. Don’t, uh.. want it to get cold..” He stammered nervously to the confused three. </p><p>Yamaguchi nodded understandingly, and Tsukishima just carelessly ignored the shorter by covering his ears upon his headphones. Ah, looks like they bought it. Although, couldn’t say for sure with Kageyama as he continued staring curiously. Hinata just ignored that aspect as he began to struggle clambering onto his bike.</p><p>“...And so after the supermarket, I saw a flyer for a special food stand today, I was thinking we could all go. The poster said it was gunna serve meat buns, onigiri, and curry! I heard the onigiri was especially good- Who’s in?” Tanaka finished enthusiastically, grinning to the others.</p><p>“I’m in!! I’m starving!” Noya exclaimed, pumping his fists excitingly.</p><p>Asahi and Suga gave gentle smiles, replying with an agreeing nod. “I wouldn’t mind some onigiri right about now.” Enoshita commented. </p><p>“Hey, we’re gonna go get some onigiri right now. You all should come.” Dachi said with a smile, turning over the other four. </p><p>“I’ll pass. That’s just a waste of time.” The blonde shrugged, walking beyond the others to his pathway. Yamaguchi popped up, assuring those words unnecessarily, “Yeah! Tsukishima has more important things to do than to eat snacks!”</p><p>“Shut up Yamaguchi..” Replied the taller.</p><p>“Sorry Tsukki!” The other responded, before galloping towards his side once more.</p><p>Accepting those answers, Dachi turned over to Hinata, who was still trying to reach his aching legs onto his bike. “Hey, Hinata. You wanna come for some food?”</p><p>“A-Ah- No! I’m okay—“ He quickly responded, not even bothering to turn to the group.</p><p>“You sure?” Suga questioned. “You haven’t really joined us for after-practice snacks in a long time.. And you looked really tired when you were practicing in the gym..”</p><p>With panic painting his tone, Hinata glances back, “No, no, it’s fine, really! I gotta go babysit Natsu anyways! Maybe next time!”</p><p>He could feel himself beginning to tremble. Eyes starting to water while his legs still refused to uphold themselves high enough to go over to seat ledge. For the throbbing within his legs was too extreme. </p><p>Hungry.<br/>
He felt so hungry with no appetite. So he needed to get out of there quick.<br/>
So dropping his original plan, he swerved around and begun speed walking. Whilst dragging along his bike, fighting through the excruciation. </p><p>“Oi.” Until he heard Kageyama from behind him. </p><p>He stopped within his tracks. Fingers digging into the handles of his transportation, feeling the beads of sweat pressuring to release. His hands refused to stop quivering.</p><p>“I thought you said your mom was home making food?” He questioned.</p><p>Hinata gulped, nervously. </p><p>“So if that’s the case. Then, that means she’s there to supervise Natsu..” The brunet lowly stated. “Right?.. Hinata?”</p><p>Shakily sighing, Hinata could just die on the spot. Curse you Kageyama for being overly observant, he thought angrily. But Hinata tried playing cool, turning around with a small grin, “A-Um, yeahh. You’re right, I guess- But, erm, I really wouldn’t want my food to get cold, so—“</p><p>“You got a microwave. Just microwave it when you get home.” Came a thunderous response. </p><p>Hinata kept that smile up, not being quite sure what to do as of right now. Because, he had both Kageyama’s chary and dark look upon him along with the team. Being caught up within the duo’s tension, they just stood waiting for Hinata’s reply. Their expressions being confused, although intrigued to the situation regarding Hinata. </p><p>“Ah. W-Well, um.. I think- I-I dont.. uh-..I dunno.. ermm..” Hinata stuttered, his smile wrecked upon anxiousness.  </p><p>“I mean, you do look really pale.“ Suga admitted with worry. “You could use the energy for the long ride to your house, Hinata..” The others agreed in variations. Hinata standing to no avail with the circumstance, as he was up against his very club members. Not to mention that Kageyama still had locked his cultivating his glare right into Hinata’s terrified orbs, the power he held upon figuring out the gap of Hinata’s lies had him in a pickle.  </p><p>They’re noticing.<br/>
Why are they noticing?!</p><p>He could feel the eyes. All upon his small, fatigue stature. All dawning onto his very existence. They were all looking at him— Seeing right through him. The overwhelming anxiety made him want to throw up. </p><p>So with a confirming, tilted twinkle, he forged a big smile. “S-Sure! I’ll tag along!” He beamed to the teammates, who nodded and begun to walk towards their destination, continuing on various conversations. </p><p>Hinata exhaled slowly, now turning him and his bike around to follow along the others, noticing how Kageyama was accompanying him. To that, Hinata couldn’t tell if he were to be scared or angry to the teenager. All for roping him into this situation. Ah, it was probably a mix. </p><p>He soon found himself alongside of him, walking normally with his eye direction facing forward. Hinata daggers warily to the taller, scooting a tad away out of unneeded fret.</p><p>“Oi dumbass.” Kageyama started. “If you’re gonna lie.. might as well do it right.” He pointed out. Sparing one threatening glance to the ginger, he just grumbled in response.</p><p>“I wasn’t lying.” Hinata replied.</p><p>Kageyama hummed, “Mhmm.. sure.”</p><p>Hinata sighed. Their wordless trailing behind the group of other club members held thick tension. It was an odd, nostalgic feeling to be walking down these familiar road sidelines. Where Hinata could remember the very houses and businesses amongst the sidewalks and the various lampposts generously planted in every which way.</p>

<p>How weird. Hinata didn’t expect him to be walking down these familiar pathways. Made him kinda drowsy. Or maybe that was the malnutrition.</p>

<p>Well, either way. He couldn’t help the formidable feeling of dreading anxiety. The very fact that he was being lead to a source of food.. food that he is meant to eat, had him nervous. He felt as though this were to be a crime. Scary.</p>

<p>With the beating feeling against his heart, the group soon arrived to the very location. The supermarket. There, a food truck stand was parked alongside of it. Serving various orders of freshly made goods to other credible citizens and students. Hinata gripped his bike handles shakily.</p>

<p>“Yo!! We’re here!!” Shouted a loud duo of Nishinoya and Tanaka. Then went racing towards the very serving station. Rambling excitement beyond their orders.</p>

<p>Soon, with little time being spared, they greatly returned accompanied by sparing bags. The fresh scent of diverse food categories in stock within the containments. The club members found their chosen food, ranging from either onigiri or steamy curry buns, they plucked their decision and chowed down. Continuing strings of conversation as the bag was passed down to each individual person. Kageyama received the bag to claim his curry bun, then tossed it over to Hinata as the only thing left to get is..</p>

<p>“Ooh, Hinata! I got u three onigri since I know you like em a lot!” Tanaka proudly remarked through his muffled chewing of his food.</p>

<p>And yes, within the bag, was the remains of three very.. deliciously looking packed onigiri.</p>

<p>The ginger felt petrified just looking at them. And could feel his violent tremors increase miserably at the touch.<br/>
Hinata stood staring down at the packed up, shaped rice wrapped of seaweed. Practically wincing at the paid goods as he smelled the palatable of steam. He couldn’t tell if his heart were beating extremely fast or beating so fast that it had stopped.</p>

<p>Last time he had one of these within his small palms were merely months ago. Well, besides the specific choice of onigiri.. his tongue hasn’t tasted food since yesterday’s one slice of spam and two chopstick’s worth of rice. Such a dragged out time through pitiful excuses and belittled hard work, leading him to this. The god forsaken moment where he’d be dragged along a forced invite to gifted food.</p>

<p>He should be grateful, yes, but he feels so suffocated in the feeling. He couldn’t dare to breathe. It was as though the very rice balls were taunting him. Practically jeering his absolutely terrified irises of fright to the realization that he was going to eat these. For he did not have a choice. Of course.. there were pairs of eyes everywhere.<br/>
Still containing his hands of the onigri bag, tremors of the boy increased. Shamelessly labeling himself impuissant.</p>

<p>Shaking your head and saying ‘no’ to paid goods from a friend? Quite a disgraceful thing to do, wouldn’t it, hm?</p>

<p>“Oi, Hintard, if you’re gonna keep staring at your i onigiri, it’s gunna get cold.” Kageyama commented from the side of him, breaking Hinata’s trance of terror from the food.</p>

<p>“What’s wrong Hinata?” Suga asked curiously. “Do you not like how they look? Or do they got a hair in em?” He questioned.</p>

<p>The ginger, who was too careless enough to properly see through his actions now left himself open to the concerns. For the love of all that is holy— “Oh no, no, sorry.. just daydreaming.” He played it off with a gentle smile.</p>

<p>Once his odd behavior was dismissed, Hinata’s trembling hand reached into the bag, plucking out the fearsome triangle he had sworn to keep at a distance. His stomach rumbles to the sight. His forsaken brain spits in disgust and sends signals to reject. Hinata cringes.</p>

<p>Just having the hot food in his grasp made him the least bit queasy.</p>

<p>He really didn’t think he was strong enough to eat them. He really couldn’t. His heart banging against the thin chest was overwhelming to where Hinata almost though he might spring into a full-on panic attack. He couldn’t believe that arranged wads of rice could hold such power and control over him. The exact number of the calories had varied, and that’s what scared him a little more. Undefined numbers.</p>

<p>But, he could already sense a couple of glances being shot towards himself (Kageyama generously  donating numerous glances by the second). He was terribly cornered. And there wasn’t a way out of this. And so.. with his terrified eyes set into that very rice wrapped snack, it inched it’s way closer to his lips. Until the very squelch of a crunch was heard.</p>

<p>And Hinata begun chewing. He could feel himself beginning to tear up pathetically. Desperately fighting the urge to just hurl the food to the ground and throw an enraged fit. The slow munching, the careful small bites.. all of it. The very existence disgusted him.</p>

<p>Soon enough, until he could feel his bite was nothing more than saliva.. he swallowed. Taking every ounce of his strength, he swallowed. 
One bite down.. probably many more to go.</p>

<p>“How is it, is it good??” Noya asked happily across from him.</p>

<p>Hinata wanted to throw up, he wanted to throw up, he NEEDED to throw up.</p>

<p>“It’s good! God, it tastes amazing!!” He faked his smile. Praying to the very gods that they couldn’t see the beads of water piling up in the corners of his eyes.</p>

<p>With that, the wreck begun. Hinata now being engulfed to this dangerous game, he continued snapping his jaws to the rice and seaweed. Sometimes he didn’t even bother to chew, he’d just gobble it down. Greedily swallowing his onigiri. The flavor.. the sensation of actual food being stuffed into his system was sickening.</p>

<p>It’s disgusting.</p>

<p>It’s so disgusting.</p>

<p>And onto his second one, he didn’t dare for a halt. Whether fighting it through or not, Hinata needed to speed this up. No matter how much he wanted to spit out his chewed, or as maybe times he needed to rub his eyes, if he gets this done.. he won’t be suspected of any suspicion.</p>

<p>So his second one now finished, he paused briefly to pant. Pure exhaustion continuing to water his eyes as he hurriedly swallowed down his third one. Through messy chewing and a rather oblivious process, the shorter was now finished with his food.</p>

<p>Going roughly unnoticed to the others, Hinata now began to struggle himself back onto his bike. His getaway was at blast. “Okay, guys, I’m gonna head home now—“ He announced, although still unsuccessfully plopping his rear to his seat since his legs shriveled to the physical toil.</p>

<p>Kageyama from the side, who was witnessing the very explosion breakdown of Hinata’s, stood notice to how Hinata failed for the simple task. “Ugh, hold on, dude.. geez, you seriously are a pain.” He grumbled before strutting behind the scrambling teenager. “Here, lemme just—“</p>

<p>The tall brunet’s hands snuck into the armpits of the shorter, hefting him up until he was reached beyond his bike and onto his seat. The action caught by surprise by both Hinata and the group. Hinata’s eyes flashing wide as his cheeks burned the deep flushing red.</p>

<p>His hands are so big, Hinata thought.</p>

<p>I can feel his ribs, Kageyama thought.</p>

<p>With the ginger now situated onto his bike, he stood a tad frozen as the scene just practiced at the moment. Face now destroyed by the color of red, either embarrassment or shock still plastering his expression. Despite it, Kageyama remains calm. Even though he, too, was surprised by his own self.</p>

<p>“W-Well, I’ll.. be going!!” With a shout, Hinata called to the others without direct contact of his eyes. And now, he begun peddling notwithstanding the circumstances of his legs.</p>

<p>Because now, he felt his mind being swarmed of a different overwhelming problem besides the food.</p>

<p>He pedaled. And pedaled. Continuing to just force his legs to move even though he felt as though they could break. He swerved and drove through the sidewalks and yelled out to the little pedestrians who gated his way. Rude, of course, but at the moment.. Hinata really couldn’t think.</p>

<p>Having all these horrifying things to come happen all at once, it was hard. It was tough of the teenager as he continuously wiped his face with his sleeve. With the tangible anxiety, the dreadful onigiri, being touched by Kageyama and feeling.. different. He didn’t know, god, he didn’t know why he worsened from Kageyama. His heart could burst at any second and he wouldn’t even know with his heavy panting as he trudged up the steep mountain.</p>

<p>Giving out. That’s all he could feel his body do. As much vitality he was left with, it would be reasonable for why Hinata was beginning to become unbalanced upon his bike. Swinging from side to side in wide range, his fluttering eyes had weakened along with his body. Up until finally, the breaking point was now at bay.</p>

<p>Hinata slammed to the ground, crumpling upon the road. Completely careless of where his situation were to be, he painfully groaned. That frail body of his, it was deteriorating. His legs had wholly given out. Entirely marking him vulnerable.</p>

<p>Hinata struggles to thrash his legs out from his bicycle, then allowed himself to lean against the edge railing. Tears profusely ran down, nearing to an infinite. Hinata begged at prying his body to, at least, stand. But, the strive was under qualified.</p>

<p>He was totally vulnerable. Helpless.</p>

<p>And at the realization, he begun to sob.</p>

<p>It didn’t matter now, there weren’t even any cars passing by anyways. So open to that road, he coughed out those imbibed cries. Ugly sobs were loud and palms slapped to his face. Uselessly wiping and lightly punching his side cranium.</p>

<p>He was gasping for air at one point, too. Whipping his face up to the sky, he gasped before that air just got sucked in and he was hyperventilating. It wasn’t until his stomach was beginning to feel tightened, then Hinata began shuffling towards the edge of that railing cliff.</p>

<p>Practically hacking, clumps of undigested food began to slip from his lips. The little food he had chewed like seven minutes ago was now being disposed off a cliff. Uncontrollably, Hinata continued to sob as he threw up.</p>

<p>Afterwards, stars and static shot from his vision. He was feeling dizzy. The need for fainting was strong within the ginger’s mindset. His upper half soon plopped atop the railing, resting. The very little energy he once had, was decreasing every bit. It hurt. And passing out was a near possibility as he was shriveled up upon the gravel concrete.</p>

<p>He probably laid there for a minute or so, just to regain the littlest drop of energy to begin picking himself up, along with the bike. Still continuing to weep gently, he used the railing in order to place himself back onto his bike. He weakly presses himself onto it, eyes mindlessly drug towards that very edge he once was on. Staring down to the darkened trees below.</p>

<p>The view from above truly was free.<br/>
Almost made him wonder what cost it were to actually fly.</p>

<p>Already feeling his head begin to pound, it wouldn’t be too long for him to feel his cramping body pains. Although, just like yesterday.. and the day before.. and months and months before, he’ll push through it because.. it’s not really that bad. Right?</p>

<p>Yeah. Hinata’ll just keep telling himself that as he pedals up the mountain.</p>

<p>So tiresome.</p>

  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hinata said ✨storyline✨</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. counting hours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>inspired by a nasty dream i had :/ ugh</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What was it? A breeze?</p><p>A cool, delicate breeze, flowing against the face and within the orange hair of Hinata.</p><p>Set in a large field of beautiful grass complimented of flowers, the span of the area ranged out for practically miles. There were also trees sighted around him as well, just the right amount so that claustrophobia wouldn’t strike. Not to mention, the beautiful stream the ginger’s feet were soaking within. His toes fumbling with the smooth rocks that rested beneath.</p><p>Hinata felt refreshed.</p><p>The scenery, as a whole, was refreshing. Smell of fresh pine, tweets of young song birds, and the overall feeling of comfort designated to the boy. </p><p>Taking a moment to reach his hand downwards towards the flaccid water, his fingertips touched such. His small small grew bigger to that. The sensation of simple running water was enough to spark joy to the teenager.<br/>
Oh with all of his stress piling up to him, this was really something he needed.</p><p>Hinata removed his hand, and flopped his back to the doughly green he rested. It caved around him as such and painted the blue sky for him. Not a cloud to be seen. And with his body relaxed in the green bed of nature herself, he let his eyes fall close. The water still continuing to roll over his feet.</p><p>The ongoing water flowed. Until Hinata could feel his toes becoming a tad smothered. Suffocation beginning to overwhelm his lower legs which made him spring upwards. In shock, he fearfully yelped as he caught sight of his feet.</p><p>Not only was the water complete colored midnight black, but it was deathly thick and engulfed his very feet. “Fuck!” Hinata yelled, pulling at his ankles for an escape. The black goo had refused, and Hinata yanked harder. Until he finally set himself free of the ugly water. His toes now pigmented of the disgusting midnight.</p><p>Widened eyes, they sprung towards the stream, then heightened their location once he realized that on the other side of the stream, was the destroyed nature beyond. All blackened and devastated of the same black slime amongst the very trees and large boulders. Hinata was panting at this point, for shock was taken over him.</p><p>Then he noticed the stream was beginning to pool out the black, all the remanence inching towards the teenage boy. Who screamed and scrambled himself to his wrecked feet and began to spring opposite. On foot, he began to push through the very trees and bushes around the verdant. </p><p>He took frantic glances back often, just witnessing the black spreading. As if, it were getting faster and running right behind of Hinata. That water began to grow taller. And higher. Higher than any of the other trees. Almost resembling a petrifying tsunami.</p><p>Hinata screams once again, tears welling at his lids. He was scared. Terrified. Now the black water was up high and the climate behind of that was covered of blackened smoke. Both coming towards the running ginger. It was hard to breath as his throat was cut of cold. Every gasp and sob earned another stab into his flesh. </p><p>And now.. A figure? Up ahead, Hinata was surprised to find a digit of a person. With hopes slightly regained, he pried at running quicker. Getting closer, that figure begun to age a familiar face.</p><p>He saw Kageyama.</p><p>He was confused, yes, but Hinata didn’t have time to be confused. Both their lives were at risk, now! So waving his hands in spirits of getting Kageyama to notice, he screamed his name. Calling out to his partner of sport. But the brunet just stood there? Just staring at Hinata with that usual deadpan expression as if there wasn’t a jet black tsunami and smolder approaching them.</p><p>With tears continuing to pour, Hinata didn’t give up on screaming the other’s name. He only paused once he saw the expressionless turn around and walk slowly away. Hinata only sped up as a solution, now making his way closer. An arm sprouted out for reaching the other. But with the dark now able to touch his heels, in panic, Hinata alternated to hop towards his setter.</p><p>He had expected to finally come to physical contact with him, but instead, touched nothing. Contacted no torso, and wasn’t swallowed up into the water of goo.</p><p>Instead, he flopped onto a ground. Not grass, nor flowers or savior. But instead, just a simple field. Either lightened-brown grains and such, but Hinata just panted. Out of breath, he whipped his head around in pure bewilderment. It was as if he was transported to another area. Confusion erupted as expected, both with where the whereabouts of the disaster that was trailing behind him and Kageyama. He could’ve sworn he was about to hug him.</p><p>But if the black was now gone, Hinata felt as though, he could rest. With belly plopped upon the grains, Hinata just sighed that he was finally safe.</p><p>That is, until he heard massive booming of rumble. Now shocked once more, Hinata flinched greatly to the noise. Flipping his head around again for the sight around him, behind he could see the black smoke edging towards him.</p><p>And he shrieked. He tried kicking his legs to run again, but they were locked down by metal. Odd chains that were somehow germinated from the ground, they held him down. In Hinata’s wave of panic, he flailed his body again in order to set free, but nothing came loose. And the loud rumbling continued to overwhelm his ears. The rumble. And rumble. It just wouldn’t stop.</p><p>Now that blackened was zooming towards him from all directions now, Hinata was the definition of fucked.</p><p>With his terrified screaming, he watching as all of the dark began to swallow him whole and strangle his very exsistance.<br/>
And the rumble. It was louder. And continued growing. Louder and louder and until—</p><p>With a shriek exploding from the chapped lips of Hinata’s, he sprung up from his pillow. Endlessly gasping for the air, his hands were mindlessly bolted towards his ears. Which he covered them out of moral terror. And it looks as though his tears were falling.</p><p>With his phobic state upon his bed, Hinata inhaled his cut gasps before he had officially calmed down. Hands removed from his ears and tasking with wiping his forehead and cheeks of the sweat and tears.</p><p>“Fuck..” he grunted in his sit of the comforter and sheets. Just regaining his factual strength. Just the very taunting dreams from the gods given. “God damnit, man.. Are you serious.” He muttered lowly, wiping his eyes with his palms.</p><p>He glanced over to his clock, finding that it was hours after his usual wake up time. The failure that those numbers flaunted about made Hinata wince. School was probably midway and Hinata wasn’t a tick out of bed.</p><p>Now regaining his body ache and familiar belly growls, he recognized the cause of that very rumbling within his terrible dream. Despite that, he refused to head for the kitchen. He soon ended up setting himself back onto his pillow.</p><p>From the pain of yesterday’s breakdown of onigiri, Hinata had biked all the way home through his pain. And that didn’t set too well with his body and it’s little strength. Foggy mind and heavy limbs, the worth of Hinata in this state was the amount of a vegetable.</p><p>So with him laying there, he stared up to his ceiling. Absolutely finding it not the least interesting but that blank mind of his just set his eyes upwards. He stood that way in his melancholy structure for perhaps half an hour, before the constant rumbling of his stomach pushed him to hop out of bed.</p><p>Clad within a wrinkled tshirt and loose sweatpants, he trudged to his designated kitchen. Slow steps made it to the counter where he found wrapped up pancakes and foiled eggs in a bowl. He supposed mom couldn’t get him out of bed. Ah, well, nothing he could do about it now..</p><p>Hinata unwrapped the food, then headed towards the trashcan. Digging around, he managed to remove the top layers within the can, before he threw the leftover food within. From being mushed up before, they were plopped within, and begun to be smushed around. Quite unsanitary, yes, so Hinata trots to the sink in order to wash. Done, now he snatched a water bottle from the fridge and chugged in down.</p><p>His routine beyond the morning continued through his aching body and pained headache. He washed up in the bathroom, worked out distressingly, and watched tv while munching on leftover fries. But the munching paused to be spit out into his napkin and put back into his mouth for more chewing. Never was there a swallow, nor a gulp, just continuous, disgusting chewing of the mush. The day rolled on by and it was about the time his family would arrive home, that was when he removed himself from the living room and entered his room once more. Closed door and turned off light, he was set in his bed. Faking a sleep, he head the door open and close, he assumed it was probably his mom to check on him.</p><p>And for the rest of his time, he just laid there. Empty stomach with nothing but a blueberry muffin. And he just stared at his blank wall.</p><p>He didn’t know when he fell asleep, but he did, and awoke to his missed wake up time. And he were to repeat his routine of throwing away food carelessly and work out recklessly and consume practically nothing for about three more days. Until Friday had struck, and he was yet again.. still in bed.</p><p>—</p><p>“Are we, for sure, positive that nobody has heard from Hinata yet??” The teacher announced to the class nearing an end.</p><p>“I’ve been trying to call him for the past days, but he hasn’t been picking up!” Yamaguchi had committed.</p><p>The class murmured along. A little of others pitched in as well, either to agree with Yamaguchi or swarm with questions.</p><p>Alas, the bell had rung. And the students begun to make way for the doors. And Kageyama did the same, settling his notebooks into his bag and slinging it over his shoulder, he walked to the exit. Although, he was stopped from a voice.</p><p>“Oh, excuse me, Kageyama. Could I speak to you for a moment?”</p><p>With confusion, the brunet turned around. Setting attention to his teacher. “Yes?” He asked.</p><p>“I was wondering if you are able to take these to Hinata? I heard he is on the volleyball team with you, so I figured you’d have some connection to him?” She had asked politely, handing a rather thick packet to Kageyama.</p><p>The boy blinked at the pack in his hands, then looked back to the teacher, “Well, actually, I don’t kn-“</p><p>“Thank you, Kageyama! I’ll be sure to give you two extra points on Monday’s quiz! Bye now!” She had rambled before speeding out from the room. Containing more random papers in her clutch.</p><p>Kageyama squinted with puzzlement to this action, although, now being tasked with a nuisance of Hinata’s fault, he just sighed. What a bother.</p><p>Hinata had been gone and missed both schoolwork and practice time. It really pissed him off. And what pissed him off even more is that they had a practice game with Nekoma this Sunday and he decides not to come to school. Everybody has been pestering about him and, although Kageyama too had his slight worries, it wasn’t his job to seek an answer from Hinata.</p><p>So exiting the classroom, he looked amongst the walking groups of various kids until he found his target. “Uh.. Excuse me? You?” He called out to a boy with glasses. Once catching his attention, he disconnected from his group. “Yeah?” He tilted his head.</p><p>“Um.. you’re one of Hinata’s friends.. Er, Achann, right? Uh, you should take this to Hinata.” Kageyama started, holding the packet towards him. Although the other waved his hand with a gentle smile.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry. Teacher already asked me, but I can’t do it!” He said.</p><p>“Eh?” Kageyama raised a brow. “Why not? Aren’t you one his best friends or something like that.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, we are, but I have baseball practice after school and my parents wouldn’t drive me out all the way to Hinata’s house. So yeah,” The other explained with a shrug.</p><p>With a low grunt, the brunet sighed, “Well, can’t you just call him or something?”</p><p>“Dude, he hasn’t been answering anybody. Has he been answering you?”</p><p>“Ah, well..” Kageyama rolled his eyes. “I haven’t called him. ..Because it’s not really my problem.”</p><p>“Oh. Well, Yeah.. guess you’re right.” The other slowly nodded. “Well, at least try to call him, man.. You got the packet so I can’t do anything about it. And besides, you’re more of a closer friend to him than I am.” He had said with another gentle disregard before he quickly scurried over back to his friend group. Then begun to walk off.</p><p>Kageyama just groaned lowly, gripping the packet angrily, he growled, “God.. stupid Hinata.”</p><p>With packet now thrown into his bag, he begun off to practice. The club went through as such and soon neared the end where everybody started for home. Kageyama alongside the various other club members as they talked along.</p><p>“Is Hinata still not answering any of your guys’ texts or calls? Coach is pissed..” Tanaka asked to the members, all of them responding in the shake of their heads.</p><p>“I practically called him like twenty times already..” Suga said, pinning down to his phone.</p><p>Yamaguchi popped up, “I try to text him and one time he actually saw my message! But then he just continued to ignore me! What if he’s sick??” He then turned to Tsukishima. “That’ll be pretty bad if he was sick! Wouldn’t it, Tsuki?!”</p><p>With an uninterested hum, the blonde had nodded blankly. Then Noya spoke up, “Okay, but does like anybody has his address, or something?? Maybe we could go see what’s up with him?”</p><p>“I really doubt that, Noya.. He lives an hour away.” Daichi remarked.</p><p>Kageyama stood quiet as the rest of them continued to discuss amongst themselves. Just keeping his eyes down to the brown packet in clutch. That is, until he heard Suga’s voice, “Hey, Kageyama, have you been able to get in touch with Hinata?”</p><p>“Eh?” The brunet swerved his head up. “Oh, no, no.. Actually, I haven’t really called him or texted him or anything. So, I wouldn’t know.”</p><p>“What? Even Tsukishima gave Hinata a call and a text?!” Tanaka barked. “Some friend you are.”</p><p>“God, it’s not like I don’t care about him or anything; but if he wants to laze off of volleyball then let him. He gets himself into the mess, I’m not pulling him out.” Kageyama scoffed to respond.</p><p>Suga soon found himself knocking a fist to Kageyama’s elbow lightly, “Well, you can at least try like the rest of us! Give him a call right now!”</p><p>Kageyama grunted with the knock of the petty punch, but just rolled his eyes as he dug into his pocket for his flip phone. He clicked through his callers and found Hinata’s, giving the keypad a tap before it begun to rung. The rest of the team watched Kageyama stand unimpressed. The ringing had continued on, and whilst it sung, the setter raised a brow, “See? Told you, he’s probably ju-“</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>Hinata’s voice answered into his ear suddenly on the very last ring. Kageyama’s eyes creaked a tad wide, now inching his phone closer to hear perfectly. The other teammates now engaged with the response, wearing surprised looks.</p><p>“..H-.. Hello?? Kageyama?” The croaky voice said again. Geez, he sounded way out of it. The hell is he doing?, Kageyama had thought.</p><p>“Oh now you decide to finally answer? Why haven’t you been answering anybody, dude?? Coach is fuckin pissed,” He barked into the device.<br/>
A small section of silence drug itself along the line, Kageyama awaiting impatiently. “What is he saying?” Noya asked in interruption to Kageyama but was immediately shushed down by the rest of the guys.</p><p>“Yeah.. sorry about that.” Was all Hinata responded with. Kageyama left with bewildered annoyance.</p><p>“Really..” he sighed. “That’s all you gotta say? After like missing the whole week of school? You know we got a Nekoma game on Sunday, and your ass has a big-ass packet since you haven’t come to class. Are you sick or something?? Cuz you should, at least, say something instead of cutting everybody off. That shit’s annoying.”</p><p>“Sorry.” Another apology was released from the other line.</p><p>“No, don’t give me a half-ass apology, you runt. Everybody’s been worried and stuff.”</p><p>“Mhm.. I just haven’t been feeling so good lately, but I feel better to go to the Nekoma game on Sunday, though! I promise!” His voice has cracked mid-way with the lighter tone he had used. The painfully obvious force of pitch made Kageyama cringe.</p><p>“Well, just so you know, you got a giant-ass packet of homework to do, idiot. You know you can’t go if you don’t finish it.”</p><p>“...Oh. Okay.”</p><p>“‘Oh Okay’?? The fuck is that supposed to mean? What are you gonna do about it?? Because I’m not gonna hold on it forever?!” He groaned once more.</p><p>“Fine. Then can you drop it off at my house then?” Hinata replied tiredly.</p><p>The brunet blinked, “Hell no. I’m not doing that crap.”</p><p>“Kageyama!” A hushed shout was growled from Dachi.</p><p>Kageyama stared to his captain, who was death glaring him. Didn’t know why, didn’t care to know why, but it annoyed the living shit out of him.</p><p>“Ugh. Fine.. Stupid Hinata.” He grumbled as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Tell me your address then. I’ll see if I could head down tomorrow.”</p><p>“Oh, okay, it’s xxxxxx xxxx—“</p><p>“Hold up, hold up, I gotta write that down,” he insisted, before he searched for a pencil in his bag and scribbled onto the packet. He oughta just erase it after anyways. “Okay, got it. You’re gonna owe me curry buns for days, runt.”</p><p>“Blah blah blah, Kageyama.” Was a chuckle.</p><p>Kageyama sighed, a tad glad he was able to find Hinata using slight humor in this situation. “I’m not joking. Not to mention how Daichi, coach, and sensai are all gonna chew you up for this.”</p><p>“Yeah. I know. I’m really in it now.” He admitted.</p><p>“Okay, well, I’m hanging up now, runt.” Kageyama started.</p><p>“Kageyama, wait!”</p><p>With a drug out groan, Kageyama glanced to the side. “What, dude?”</p><p>“Um.. I’m. ..I’m really glad I got to hear your voice.”</p><p>...</p><p>Huh?..</p><p>“T-That’s it. Goodnight.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>it’s four am right now n im tired ok bye muah love u all</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. in my hoodie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hi. Uh.. Is Hinata home?” </p><p>Kageyama had awkwardly asked to a little girl who had answered the door. She blinked whilst looking up towards him, then squinted, “Who are you??”</p><p>The teenager exhaled through his nose, “Erm.. I’m just a classmate of Hinata’s.. And he hasn’t been to school so I brought him his packet.“ He explained simply. Although, the little girl stared up to him. As if any more was need to be said, geez. </p><p>“Actually.. if you could just give this to Hinata then I cou-“ Kageyama was just about to hand the packet to the little girl, but he had met an immediate shut of the door. Now blocked off of the entrance, Kageyama blinked in confusion. The confusion soon wore off and he scowled impatiently.</p><p>“Hey, Kageyama! Did you give the stuff to him, yet??” Called a voice from behind him. His sister, in actuality. Sitting in the drivers seat of the car, with her head poked out from the window. Kageyama turned his head back, “His sister answered actually, but she shut the door on me!”</p><p>“Well, hurry up! My boyfriend just texted me and he wants me to come over!!”</p><p>Kageyama rolled his eyes as a response, then turned back to the door. He waited with furrowed eyebrows for probably a ticking minute or so, before he heard the knob to twist and reopen.</p><p>There, Kageyama was faced to Hinata. Slumped with a wrinkly sweater and sweatpants with his slippers. The orange of his hair messier than usual, and such a tired expression was plastered to his face. Tired that was handled with darkened bags resting underneath his lids of bloodshot eyes. The dude looked like he just woke up from a thirty hour nap. “Hey, Kageyama. Sorry that Natsu answered the door, mom isn’t here.” He stated.</p><p>“O-Oh, no problem. But, here’s your stuff.” Still slightly taken aback by Hinata’s appearance, Kageyama nodded before holding out the thick packet to the ginger, who hesitantly took ahold of. He slowly opened it out, taking a glance to the various pages miserably.     </p><p>“We’re on a new chapter now??” Hinata groaned, still continuing to flip through the pages.</p><p>Kageyama scoffed, “Well, if you had been at school for the past week, then maybe you wouldn’t have missed it.” Hinata didn’t respond to the aggressive sneer, instead, he just pushed the papers back into their holder. </p><p>Along with a heavy sigh, he looked up to Kageyama, “Sorry.”</p><p>Such a blank expression. Neither reading of sorrow or anger, instead, just lack of expression. Soon after, the shorter bowed lowly. Catching Kageyama by surprise.</p><p>“D-Dude, don’t apologize to me, idiot— it’s coach, sensai, Daichi, and the teachers you should be apologizing to.” Kageyama barked to him until he had regained his posture. “Geez. What the hell is up with you, Hinata? Literally missing school and practice, being all weird over the phone, and you have me come all the way out here. Such a pain.”</p><p>Despite his little ramble, it didn’t look as though to affect the ginger. He just held his head low, with those nubby fingers clutching at the packet.</p><p>Kageyama grimaced.<br/>
It frustrated him.<br/>
Exactly, why was Hinata acting like a stray animal?? </p><p>“Hey. Dude.. if something is- If something is going on at, like, home.. or something, uh, you can talk to me.” Kageyama admitted. Hinata’s feet wiggles around with eachother, stalling to the concern of question. “Really, Hinata. You haven’t been yourself lately.”</p><p>“You’re awfully observant. It’s annoying” Hinata sighed. With language of averted eyes, the shorter edged to shut the door.</p><p>But without thinking, he didn’t know why it shocked Kageyama to find that his own foot shot to stop impact of closing. “Hinata. Quit doing that.” He growled.</p><p>“What? I’m just shutting the door. You gave me my packet and everything, theres no-“</p><p>“I mean avoiding everything, you runt.” Kageyama barked. “You’ve never missed school or practice, at that. And you’ve just gotten weirder and weirder everyday. You gotta stop doing whatever shit you’re doing and come clean with whatever the fuck you’re doing. Because, honestly, the guys are worried now.”</p><p>“Stop yelling.” Hinata groused. “I’m literally fine, you’re just overthinking stuff.”</p><p>“God, don’t act like you haven’t been acting weird, Hinata’s. Don’t pull that bullshit on me. You look so sick, man, look at you??” Kageyama pushed at the door, but there was resistance on the other end.</p><p>“I’m just tired.” Came a response.</p><p>“Tired is your excuse for everything, nowadays.” Kageyama scoffed.</p><p>“Kageyama!!” Honks were heard along with his sister’s voice. “Hurry up!! I wanna go see my boyfriend already!!” With such bothersome pestering, the brunet rolled his eyes, whipped his head back angrily. “It’s not the end of the world, Miwa! You can wait!!”</p><p>Now turning back to the crack of the door, Kageyama lowered his volume. “Quit being so difficult, dude. I’m not kidding.”</p><p>“Well, I’m not either, Kageyama. Go away” </p><p>“Hinata, seriously, dude. Let me just talk to you, man. I’m kinda worri-“</p><p>“Kageyama!!!” More badgering. </p><p>“For the love of-“ He flipped himself around, flailing a hand. “Alright, Miwa! Go see your boyfriend already! Just come pick me up when I text you!” </p><p>From within the house, Hinata squirmed uncomfortably as Kageyama returned to him. The worry upon that face of his made him feel weird. The weird non-beating heart thing would happen again, and he felt himself become a little more.. comforted, as he liked to think. God, he didn’t know. But whatever it was, it made his face embarrassingly red.</p><p>“Okay. I’m not gonna argue with you anymore, this isn’t getting us anywhere. So, how bout I just help you with the packet??” He had asked gently. All the aggression from seconds ago, completely wiped away.</p><p>Causing Hinata to glance at him before looking away once him. Feel his chest begin to tighten, he gripped a hand to his hoodie in action of fret. “U-Uh,,” He stammered. </p><p>“We have a practice game tomorrow. So, I think you’d might wanna copy off my notes and stuff, too. Because if you’re behind, then you’re gonna suck at your tosses and stuff.” Kageyama explained. “So, please, Hinata. I-“</p><p>“Okay, okay- geez. Fine. Come in.” Hinata grumbled, now releasing the door so Kageyama could let himself in. Then he had removed his shoes. “I don’t see what you’re so worked up for. Because, like I said, I’ve just been tired.” The ginger muttered.</p><p>“From your lips.” Kageyama hummed.</p><p>With the comment, Hinata delivered a stuck out tongue of annoyance. Before he begun to lead the other towards his room. </p><p>Somebody to hang out in his room? Hinata couldn’t remember the last time a friend had visited his room. Perhaps when he was younger. But this was Kageyama we were talking about here. And with the judgment mindset and mocking ways he has, he could tell that this experience for the both of them would defiantly be something interesting.</p><p>So with opening up his bedroom door, Hinata shyly walked in. Kageyama had followed suit with careful and slow steps. </p><p>“Jesus, man.” He muttered breathily. “You really know how to give people more reasons to worry, don’t you Hinata..”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a bit of a shorter chapter but oh well :P</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. it’s still dizzy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A complete mess.</p><p>Everything within that small room of Hinata’s was mess.</p><p>From the door being opened, crumpled clothes on the ground were smushed towards the wall. Making a somewhat mountain whilst revealing the half circle of the floor.</p><p>“Hinata, your room is a fucking mess.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, I didn’t really expect you to come in and stuff. We can just go to the kitchen table an-“</p><p>“How the hell do I even walk in here??” Kageyama scoffed, before stepping a foot into the minefield. He had his socks squished into a shirt and managed to somewhat maneuver along. He flinched when his foot stepped on a water bottle, the loud crackling startling him.</p><p>Hinata embarrassingly trailed behind him, trying to ‘tidy’ the room as he roamed. And by ‘tidy’, he means trying to move and push all the mess to the edges of his walls. “Kageyama, lets just go to the kitchen. I’ll clean my room later.”</p><p>“You seriously live in this filth?? Doesn’t your mom or sister try to come in or something??” Kageyama asked as he was looking at the Little Giant posters on the wall. The only thing that wasn’t filthied.</p><p>“Um..” Hinata hummed. “Well, they kinda don’t anymore since they can’t open the door sometimes. I dunno..”</p><p>“Unbelievable.” Kageyama sighed, shaking his head slightly. Placing his hands on his hips, he continued to glide his eyes around the dirtied room. Before he turned to Hinata, who was fumbling with the hem of his hoodie. </p><p>Without a second, the brunet then begun to gather up the clothes and decaying empty water bottles. Hinata raised a brow, “H-Hey.. what’re you doing??”</p><p>“I’m literally helping you clean this shit up. Hinata, it’s not okay to be living like this, dude.” He responded. </p><p>“Nononononono, don’t do that- I said I’d clean it by myself.” Hinata waved his hands before he panicked and then snatched Kageyama’s arm, the piled mess in his grasp dropping to the ground.</p><p>“Goddamnit, you runt. Made me drop it.”</p><p>“I don’t want you trying to clean MY room out of pity.” Hinata furrowed his brows up to the brunet. Who returned the angry expression.</p><p>“Who said I was doing this out pity?? I’m literally concerned about the way you’re taking care of yourself at home. You can’t even walk around this room!” Kageyama barked back.</p><p>Hinata let go of his arm harshly, then crossed his arms, “That’s literally not your problem though. So just let it go and go home. You already gave me my packet..”</p><p>“Whatever, Hinata. Go ahead and act like a little kid, but somebody’s gotta make sure there aren’t any bugs riddled in this clutter.“ Kageyama said, brushing him off. “Do you have a laundry basket and a garbage bag?”</p><p>“Kageyama, I’m literally fin-“ Before he could finish, a sudden T-shirt was thrown at his face. The ginger immediately snatched it off.</p><p>“You smell that shirt and tell me if you’re still fine with this room staying a mess.” Kageyama deadpanned.</p><p>Hinata grumbled at the other before swerving around to the door. He soon returned with the requested trash bag and laundry bin.</p><p>The two of them begun to clean. Making sure the numerous water bottles and smaller yet much smellier bags were trashed to recycle and the clothes were stuffed into the bin. Soon enough, they had begun to race eachother at who could pick up the most trash from the room the fastest. Racing eachother until the muddle was nothing more than tidy. Now with trash tossed outside and clothes scrammed into the washer, the two now laid exhausted on the now vacuumed floor.</p><p>Panting after racing back to the room, Hinata could feel his hands shaking. With such a fuzzy capability, he tried to hide it silently. Kageyama, on the other hand, was just resting on the floor with no mind to Hinata. Before he spoke up, “Hey, Hinata.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“You gonna start on that homework packet? Cuz you know you won’t be able to play the match is you don’t turn it in.”</p><p>“GaH— you’re right, shit, where is it.” Hinata sprung up quickly, then moved to his desk that has been scrubbed with wipes. He opened the packet and started at the math problems. Using his calculator to get through with whatever he needed. Kageyama had soon positioned himself to sit back against Hinata’s bed on the floor, just playing on his phone.</p><p>Not even lasting five minutes, Hinata’s mind was too foggy enough to get through the second problem. The shaking at his hand was begin to increase shamelessly, and his dry mouth was highly distracting. He couldn’t think, mind was blank, he didn’t know what to do.</p><p>“Hey Hintard. Don’t space out, you gotta finish today.” Kageyama reminded him, as he loomed over his unimpressive work. “You only did one problem? Really??”</p><p>“God- shut up, shut up, I’m thinking.” Hinata stressed. Now beginning to scribble some random number into the answer box. Then continuing forth of the other problems. Even though his mindless skimming and thoughtless answers were put in. Although, he couldn’t say that all of them were possibly wrong. Y’know, he could say that his math could’ve gotten better with how much he had obsessively calculated his calories. He wasn’t really sure if that was something to be proud of or not.</p><p>Kageyama just watched those concentrated eyes soar the papers. Sort of admiring the way how he was writing down so much stuff. And at a fast at that. And also wondered why he was nowhere in sight for all of this. He really wanted to know too.</p><p>Kageyama really wanted to know about the craze life of Hinata’s. Wondered what exactly went through that odd mind of his. What was happening with him right now. And.. what he ended the phone call with yesterday. Saying that it was nice to hear his voice. </p><p>“Hinata, remember yesterday? When I called you and stuff.” Kageyama’s awkward bluffering began. </p><p>Hinata just nodded, still observed in the work, “Mhmm.”</p><p>“Well.. I was just kinda. Like, what did you mean by it was nice to hear my voice?? Because I was kinda.. I dunno. Like,, I dunno.” </p><p>Oh yeah..</p><p>Hinata had totally forgot about that impulsive and extremely risky move he took. How absolutely exhausted he had been after overdoing his workout yet again and then receiving the call so suddenly. After that phone call, he had collapsed and totally forgot about it. He could already feel his face beginning to flush of red. Embarrassed of how he could say such.. romantic words to a teammate. A teammate!!</p><p>Kageyama, has also been startled at that message. Totally spacing out throughout the time of going home, just constantly reminding himself of those words. Just so out of pocket.</p><p>“Yeah. That was weird wasn’t it.” Hinata cringed, shuddering. He paused at writing.</p><p>Kageyama responded in a silent nod. Now the atmosphere of the room thickening intensely. Although Hinata knew it was a sign for a new conversation to overtake, “U-Um, so.. how long did it take for you guys to get up here??”</p><p>“Ah. About forty minutes or something.” Kageyama answered. “Geez, I can’t imagine having to bike up and down to home and school. I don’t know how you manage to do it.”</p><p>“Yeah..” Hinata had chuckled it off. And yet again, the awkwardness just filled brim. So the two of them went back to their usual business. Hinata finishing up the sheets and Kageyama continuing to mess around on his phone out of boredom.</p><p>Finally, the ginger has reached his final problem and finished it up in no time. Releasing the pencil to plop it on the desk, he allowed his head to flop onto his desk.  Ending his accomplishment with a relieving sigh.</p><p>“Geez, that took forever.” Hinata grumbled. The numbing in his feet completely over took him, causing the dizziness in his head to pound yet again. Lightheaded and dazed completely, Hinata just wanted to collapse.</p><p>“You’re telling me.” Kageyama responded in deadpan.</p><p>“Er.. Kageyama..” Hinata sighed, now closing his eyes. “Sorry about saying that weird shit over the phone yesterday.. I think I was just really tired and wasn’t really thinking. You’re probably really weirded out by that aren’t you.”</p><p>Kageyama stared for a second at the tangled hair on the table. “Nah, don’t worry about it. It’s not the weirdest thing you’ve done anyways.” He said, then clambering to his feet. Making his way to that very chair. Glancing his eyes to the completed worksheet before they somehow found their way to Hinata’s resting face. “It confuses me, sure, but I’m more confused about you missing school.”</p><p>“I’ve been feeling kinda sick.” Hinata insisted.</p><p>“Yeah, bullshit.” Kageyama rolled his eyes. “Because that excuse isn’t gonna for coach.”</p><p>Hinata let out a breathy laugh, “Heh.. yeah.. I’m totally gonna get my head chewed off, aren’t I?”</p><p>“Hinata.” Kageyama sighed. “Your crappy excuse is gonna be the reason your head is gonna get chewed off. And.. well, you know I’m not one to pry or whatever but you can tell me what’s wrong, man. If it’s something so serious that you don’t even come to volleyball practice, then I can keep it a secret.”</p><p>Hinata can feel his chest hurting again. The tightness.. where does it come from. It made the shorter cringe.</p><p>“I dunno..” Hinata shrugged, slowly reopening his eyes to just a crack.</p><p>Kageyama’s hand flew down to the papers, wavering with them until those very fingertips went edging towards the puff of hair. “You say it’s studies and grades or being sick, but that’s just bull. You like to lie nowadays. It’s really annoying so you might as well come clean with whatever you’re doing.” He said. “Are you doing drugs or something? Or like, is it stuff with home or.. what. Tell me.”</p><p>Hinata’s chest. It made it hard to breathe. And he felt the burning in his cheeks along with the tingling of his stomach, fuck, he didn’t know what to feel about this. The concern made him feel weird. But gave.. odd comfort. Or maybe it weirded him out. Arggh, he didn’t know, he didn’t know, it’s so hard to think now.</p><p>But with his head still eased on the desk with relaxation overcoming his facial features, it was so easy for impulsiveness to take over.</p><p>“Kageyama, I’m feeling sick.” Hinata admits.</p><p>“You runt, quit the lying and ju-“</p><p>“No, really, really. I’m feeling sick, but.. like not fever type of sick though. It’s kinda like, I dunno. I feel stupid saying it.”</p><p>The brunet rolled his eyes, “You already sound stupid, dude. Just say whatever.” His hand inched at a stuck out hair. His finger flicking at it as the orange string bounces.</p><p>“It’s like.. My legs really hurt. And my arms feel really heavy too. And.. whenever it comes to food, it’s just, I don’t know.. there’s like, not an appetite. Or like, nothing looks worth it enough to actually eat.” Hinata admits, eyes closing once more as he felt fingers beginning to run into the knotted nest of hair.</p><p>Kageyama nodded in response, as well as a sign for Hinata to continue. And continue he did. “And then there’s points where I can’t even think. It makes me angry, or sad, or like hopeless. I think that’s the word. Yeah, hopeless. And then I just stay in bed. Maybe that’s why I didn’t go to school.”</p><p>Hinata lifts his hand, the giant sleeve rolling down, revealing his deathly thin wrist. The limb reached to his forehead, heading upwards into his hair. “I can’t even walk, man. It hurts to walk, Kageyama. And I feel so tired. And always gonna pass out. It’s so annoying. And it’s fucking repetitive. I probably need to go to the hospital or something.”</p><p>This feeling. Those stresses being released and actually being talked out to somebody.. was something that made Hinata’s shoulder’s feel a tad lighter. Because maybe this was it! Now finally talking it out with how his emotions and feelings, maybe Hinata could get another one’s input on this. Maybe he could.. get help? Maybe he could.. get better?</p><p>“Hinata..” Kageyama said gently. The delicate fingers that were caressed in the knotted hair of Hinata’s were soon met with the ginger’s own hand. Hinata didn’t seem to even budge at that, instead, he found himself nearing his hand closer to the brunet’s.</p>

<p>“When will you quit the lying, dude.” Kageyama had scoffed, then removed his hand from the orange mess of hair. That got Hinata to flinch, and whip himself around to look at the taller. His offended and slightly wrenched expression stared up to Kageyama’s intimidated eyes.</p>

<p>“Wha..” Hinata let out breathily.</p>

<p>Kageyama rolled his eyes. “If you really don’t wanna tell me something then just say it, idiot! Don’t go trying to drag out stupid descriptions of having a fever. If you really were sick then just say it, god..”</p>

<p>Wait. Nonononono. Hinata felt the pit of his stomach to sink. He could feel himself becoming shakier.</p>
<p>

“B-But Kageyama, I’m literally fucking telling you what’s going on with me!”

</p>
<p>“No, you’re just trying to say that you’re sick but just dragging it out. Seriously, dude, do you really think I’m dumb??”</p>

<p>“Yeah I thought you were dumb, but I didn’t think that you’d be THIS dumb, jesus christ..“ Hinata hopped off from his chair, then ran his palms down his face.</p>

<p>Was this all for nothing?? Did he misinterpreted something and said the wrong thing?? Kageyama had seriously thought that Hinata was still trying to use his fake sick excuse?</p>

<p>Kageyama glared down to him, “If you’re still not gonna tell me then I really don’t care. You’d just have to deal with the club by yourself then.”</p>

<p>“Kageyama! I’m literally trying to tell you what’s fucking going on with me! Why aren’t you believing me, goddamnit?!” Hinata shoved his hands to his chest, managing to knock him to the wall. Kageyama grunted before nabbing Hinata’s sweater and hoisting him upwards.</p>

<p>“Don’t push me, dude, I swear to god-“</p>

<p>“You’re so fucking stupid oh my god!- I can’t beileve this!” Hinata scowled.</p>

<p>“You act so childish, Hinata, y’know?!“ Kageyama shook him slightly until he receiving hands upon his face to push him. He immediately let go of the ginger at that.</p>

<p>“.. Hinata?” A small voice was heard from the door. And the tied angry glares soon disconnected and flew towards the door. Finding Natsu hesitantly stepping a foot in.</p>

<p>“Um.. I heard shouting and uh, well.. there’s a car honking outside. I think it might be for.. him.” Natsu’s quiet voice informed as she pointed at Kageyama.</p>

<p>Without any second thought, Kageyama pushed his shoulder past Hinata’s and walked out of the bedroom. Hinata frantically followed after. “Kageyama, you’ve got to be kidding me, you really don’t believe me??““If you don’t wanna tell me it’s fine, dude. But don’t make an ass out of yourself and lead me on, because I really thought you were telling me something important.”</p>

<p>“I was!! I was telling you something important! I was telling you about how I was feeling! That’s not an easy thing to do, you know, but this isn’t the reaction I was expecting?!” Hinata said, his voice cracking.</p>

<p>“Okay, Hinata, I get it.” Kageyama places a hand onto his head. Leaning downwards, he smiled softly. “You wanna keep your secrets! And that’s okay, man, cuz you don’t have to tell me anything, you really don’t, but just say that you don’t wanna tell me anything man. You can talk whenever you feel ready, Hinata. To a friend, the guys, or me, it doesn’t matter, just do whatever.. But anyways, I’ll see you tomorrow at the game, we can just pretend this all didn’t happen or whatever.”</p>

<p>He finished slipping his shoes back on and opened the door. Glancing back to the other who stood there, completely hopeless at what was going on. And he closed the door.</p>

<p>The misunderstandings, perhaps he didn’t explain correctly. Misinterpreted some things, didn’t get in depth of what the root of the problem had been. The eating problem, Hinata didn’t mention much of that.</p>

<p>“For the love of..” he trailed off, just rubbing his eyes. Then returned to his room. Where he just slept off whatever feeling he was experiencing now.</p>

  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:P</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. deteriorating beauty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a beautiful thing to lie.</p><p>Such a terrible and sinful act, such a wickedly feeling to experience. Lying was one of the things that really kept that very Hinata sane. Sane enough to go throughout his normal day-to-day life. How beautiful and pleasuring it was to get his way. To be able to get let off with whatever concern was being brought to his attention.</p><p>He felt proud to be standing on a throne of such deteriorating beauty.<br/>
Past all of the unfinished, picked-at meals, the crushed water bottles, the measurements, box calorie descriptions, his index and middle finger. All of it. However, Hinata didn’t posses a scale. That would probably tear him apart ruthlessly. </p><p>Where those green bruises will come and go, where Hinata would tug and rip at his hair, it fueled him. He didn’t no what he was fueling himself for. What, really, all of this was generally for. And what he’d do when he’s finally.. reached his desired image. When his very dream could be brought to reality. But if dreams could come true, what does that say about nightmares?

</p><p>Hinata hasn’t really thought of what would happen when he’d actually be happy with the bones he craved. All of this torture was to bring him to the sense of happiness. It was to be happy, but throughout the months of the journey.. all the boy had been feeling was deathly tired and disgusted with himself. As well as being sad, but that was the cause of the previous setbacks.</p><p>He felt like an impulsive brat.</p><p>Because suffering was the only thing that made him feel as though he were alive.</p><p>So there on his throne. The throne where he sit, a tad confusingly, now, he didn’t know what else he could do to gain himself happiness. The terrifying idea of food and the pressuring feeling of having to be better and having to work harder, made his mind lose direction. Lose its way. </p><p>There sitting on his throne, he looked surprised. As if it wasn’t thanks to him that he weights a rough eighty-one pounds.</p><p>There shaking on his throne, he didn’t know what to do with the salt or the water in his hands. He didn’t know what to do with the plastic bags. He didn’t know why it was so hard to get his pointer and middle finger to close up.</p><p>There beginning to sob on his throne, he gazed through blurry vision at the disfigurement of his body. The very scratch marks left on his stomach, the bruised legs and arms from either this disorder or from angry punching fits, the torn out hair. He didn’t know how to get off this royal seat of lies, didn’t know how to get rid of the chains holding him down. Holding him back.<br/>
Perhaps he wasn’t meant to go on? Maybe he was designed to just shrink away within a grave peacefully. </p><p>However it wasn’t until Kageyama had begun to notice.</p><p>Hinata didn’t expect for anybody to notice despite absolutely wishing somebody would so they could lend a hand. But, no. His friends, his teachers, teammates, nobody had speculated something off to the point where they’d set off an investigation themselves.</p><p>That person being his duo partner in a club, his setter in volleyball, Kageyama. He noticed the eying he’d do whenever he’d change, always pry upon food to him, sometimes he’d hold to his arm, to squeeze gently.</p><p>Kageyama was never one to say something directly, but he’d always try to silently and sneak (rather terribly) to figure somebody out. </p><p>Normally, Hinata would grimace to somebody who tried to find out something about him. He’d sneer, and make disgusted faces to any sign of unnecessary worry. But it was different with Kageyama.</p><p>He didn’t know if it has to do with the awkward way he tried to pass on help to him, or maybe how his eyes always grow a little more shinier. When they would look directly into his soul for a moment before averting them out of a cumbersome manner. Him the gaze would always cause Hinata to grow a tad antsy, because it would feel like he knew every one of his little secrets.</p><p>Hinata always thought of himself to be a puzzle. An enigma who was left to be incomprehensible. But Kageyama made it feel like.. Hinata wasn’t as mysterious as he ought to be.</p><p>Now here is where it gets tricky for Hinata. What he really thought of Kageyama. Because he was an amazing teammate, despite all their fighting, but in general, they made a pretty good monster. And their friendship usually revolves around who was better than the other, via their little races and quarrels. And with everything that has happened till now, it looks as though the brunet’s heart really is gold. A little rusty, but he puts in the effort. Even though he was a tad dense at Hinata’s home. It was mainly the ginger’s fault for not going to specific detail to what he was feeling anyways.</p><p>But back to the subject, on what Kageyama was to Hinata. As they were both being driven to the Nekoma game, with Kageyama asleep and Hinata fumbling fingers. </p><p>He had to admit that the tightness in his chest had become a problem. And he always found himself wanting to be within presence of Kageyama. He didn’t say that he liked him, per se. He didn’t even know if he swung that way!! The very thought of that just about tore his hair off.</p><p>The emotions weren’t so strong before. The urge to just drop his head onto the brunet’s shoulders wasn’t to intense, nor was the pressuring image of holding his hand. He wanted to just everything to do with him now. He felt so weirdly greedy. Becoming greedy was one of the very side affects of being drawn.</p><p>It really was tragedy at its finest.<br/>
Instead of feeling disillusioned, Hinata felt desire.</p><p>He didn’t know why wanted Kageyama to just smile at him warmly. Didn’t know why he just wanted to fall into those arms of his. He felt so comfortable with the boy. He felt as if he could tell him just about anything. Well, maybe he did know why, but admitting the reason why would be admitted some kind of defeat. He couldn’t live with himself if he were to come clean and believe he were to be drawn to the other. He could be confused, but at the same time, Hinata knows what he feels.<br/>
Life was just like this, murdering beauty and passions at every waking moment.</p><p>So here he is, just anxiously in his thoughts. He felt a little sick with all the bumps that he was experiencing in the bus, so he picked at his nails to calm himself. Already feeling the peeling skin to reveal blood.</p><p>But hey! Look at the bright side of things! Hinata had managed to get out of bed and comb out his hair! He even chewed at an apple, as well. And he endured the chew outs from Sensai, coach, and Daichi.</p>

<p>“Hey,” Kageyama interrupted his train of thought, grabbing ahold of the hand of Hinata’s roughly. Causing the ginger to slightly flinch.</p>

<p>“Kageyama, what the fuck-“</p>

<p>“Quit picking at your fingers, you runt. You’re bleeding, ew,” He commented, examining the injury through squinting, tired eyes.</p>

<p>Hinata swatted his hand away, then wiped his hand off his pants. “Geez, don’t go grabbing people’s hands out of nowhere. Frickin scared me.” He sighed shakily through closed eyes.</p>

<p>“You’re the one who woke me up, Hintard. You keep bouncing ur leg and it’s making noises.” Kageyama pointed an unamused finger to the leg, which was still rebounding.&lt; br/&gt;
For not realizing, Hinata brushed it off embarrassingly by stopping. He didn’t even notice that he’d been doing that.</p>

<p>And soon enough, with the bus finally edging towards the rewarding destination, the teammates had begun to cramp their ways off the vehicle. The chaotic conversations erupting from Noya and Tanaka has begun, Hinata joining in a tad, although enthusiastic wording hadn’t clearly been present. As if just pushing through.</p>

<p>However, without a wince of notice, Kageyama watched soundlessly as he paused to just observe the short ginger.</p>

<p>Just thinking of how scary this is becoming now.</p>

  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Another kinda short chapter than wuz mainly bout poetic type of shit writing bleh :00,, yeah I know these can gett annoying cuz I know when I read wanna just see dialogue dialogue <br/>But eh , I’m in a writing mood :P anyways hope u guys are taking very good care of yourselves !!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. calming down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>heeey rlly sorry that this chapter came like super late. with the manga ending i kinda got sad and my birthday was just recently so that got me even more sad cuz i hate my birbday but anyways here’s the chapter,, it kinda sucks but oh well</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just noticed I rlly like to dialogue cussing and whole bunch of ‘jesus christ’s in my writing bleh,, sorry if that gets a lil annoyinggg cuz I usually talk like that whoop</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Shoyo!”</p><p>“Hi kenma!!”</p><p>Both the setter and middle blocker scampered on over to eachother, Hinata waving a rather shaky hand. Kuroo has followed suit along with kenma.</p><p>“Oh look who it is? It’s the team that we’re totally gunna crush.” Kuroo has smirked down to the ginger, before he dragged his eyes towards Daichi. Who held a very forced smile. Their little game of tension comedically arising.</p><p>“What took you guys so long to get here?” Kenma questioned with his gentle voice. </p><p>“Oh, heh.. i was kinda getting yelled at, so it took us kinda a long time to get here and stuff.” Hinata somehow shrunk a tad in his posture, scratching his neck guiltily. </p><p>“Ooooooooo somebody got in trouuble~” Kuroo hummed immaturely, earning a small jab to his stomach by kenma afterwards. </p><p>Kenma tilted his head, “You got yelled at?” He had asked. “What happened?”</p><p>“Oh.. Well, it was kinda.. I dunno.. it’s really complicated to say, really.”</p><p>“Was it something serious?” Kenma asked with concern.</p><p>Hinata stood quiet at this question, and instead he averted the direction of his eyes towards the floor with his head lowering. That smile of his wearing off along with it.  </p><p>“You don’t look too good, shorty,” Kuroo observed through the string of silence within the conversation. “Are you sick? You look like you’re gonna pass out, dude.”</p><p>Hinata just shrugged at that, pressuring another big grin, “I am feeling a little dizzy, but it’s okay! It’s probably just from the ride here!”</p><p>“I dunno, man, you look pretty pale. We should probably tell the coaches to check your temperature.” Kuroo pointed out. Kenma sharing the worry and giving a nod, “Yeah, we also can ask them to put the match on hol-“</p><p>“Just shut up, already.. The both of you..” </p><p>Taken by surprise, the two Nekoma players blinked in shock at such menacing words said in such a menacing manner. By Hinata, at that.</p><p>With the expression of being totally over the situation, he was rubbing the side of his head, grumbling. It was as if he weren’t totally phased he rudely said those very words to the other two players. </p><p>Tension. It could practically choke them.</p><p>“Hinata! We gotta get changed for the match! Come on!” Before anything furthering, there was a call from Kageyama.</p><p>The ginger sighed, hinting a little annoyance. “We can talk after the match,” Kenma insisted, shrugging it off. Although being a bit cautious at how his took his actions. The same went for the taller bed headed brunet, who stammered a tad before trying at a joke. Kuroo popped his head back in, “Yeah, after we kick your butts!”</p><p>Hinata stared at him for a second. Before he inched a smile. Forced. “Oh yeah? Just you wait cuz I’m gunna do my super sweet quick attack and you’re gonna be eating your dust! No wait- you’re gonna be eating my dust and my words! Wait hold on, no, it’s, you’re gonna be eating both my dust and your words after we-“</p><p>“Hinata, you runt, get over here!!” Kageyama shouted, and Hinata scurried over with a heavy sigh.</p><p>“Um.. Is it me, or does Hinata seem a little.. off?” Kuroo asked. With a small pause, kenma responded with a nod of agreement. While the ginger had ran off, Kenma and Kuroo were remaining in their state of shock. Still trying to process what exactly had just happened.</p><p>—</p><p>The match was now set. With the points all locked down to just zero, and both teams forming into their very positions. Coaches to their respected  sides, the managers watching along with, to the practice match of Nekoma and Karasuno.</p><p>Although, on the sidelines of the waiting teammates.. was Hinata.<br/>
With fumbling fingers and wearing a a contempt sneer, those squinted eyes of his drew towards the ground. Kageyama at the corner side in his position took no attention to the boy in no way whatsoever. However, the rest of the team were warily eyeing to the direction of the two. Yet again, there was tension and yet again, was it ridiculously thick.</p><p>The reasoning.. taking it about ten minutes right before the match were to begin. Where everybody had been dressing into their appropriate uniforms  and Hinata had wandered out of the gym. </p><p>All he could think about was where to escape to calm himself down.</p><p>He fucked up with what he said to his upperclassman. Disrespectful, nonetheless, and not to mention rude. Ah, whatever same thing, but fuck, man. He couldn’t get his head straight.</p><p>With the peanut butter toast he ate earlier, he felt guilt. Disgust for his own being. And he just wanted to scream or cry or just hug the hell out of somebody and sob into their chest. He could feel his breathing increasing by the second and how he couldn’t help but pant. Those dizzy eyes of his smearing his vision as he strayed his distance from the gym. </p><p>Bathrooms..<br/>
They were in there.</p><p>He could feel his breathing catching up inside his throat. He paused to swallow a little bit of saliva before those trembling legs of his inched towards the very entrance. Although, he didn’t come very far as he felt one’s hands on his shoulder.</p><p>“What’re you doing, dumbass?” </p><p>“For fuck’s sake!-“ Hinata flinched at the sudden hand, flipping himself over to look up to the other. “It’s so annoying when you do that crap, man, quit it-“ he panted. That terrible breathing of his continued to cut short and inhales were becoming more difficult to preform. Not to mention his face was burning of a warning red. Trying to hide his hyperventilating was not going as smooth as he had hoped.</p><p>“Geez calm down, what’s up your ass today?” Kageyama sneered.</p><p>“J-Just go back to the gym, I’m going to the bathroom—“ Hinata heavily breathed as he reared back around, using the wall as a guide to the bathroom. </p><p>Kageyama snatched onto his arm, “Like hell I am, the game’s starting right now, runt—“</p><p>“Get off me,” Hinata attempted to shove at his chest, although loosing balance and knocking his head to the wall. “Ow, ow, ow-“</p><p>Kageyama examined Hinata’s stance, before raising a brow. “What’s wrong with you, man?? You’re hyperventilating like crazy.”</p><p>“Please Kageyama, just go back to the gym already.” Hinata groaned, yanking his arm from the other’s grasp.<br/>
He still couldn’t see correctly through his eyes becoming more watery. The overwhelming feeling of his dry mouth and stinging throat made him wobbly. </p><p>“Nu-uh. Look at me real quick,” Kageyama said. </p><p>The shorter just continued to pry his direction forward, anxiously. That is until hands were pressed at the sides of his head and whipped to the side, where the image of Kageyama’s own figure was in sight. </p><p>“What the fuck is wrong with you, dude??” Hinata angrily barked, squirming in the handling. </p><p>“Are.. Are you crying?” </p><p>“N-No, jesus christ let go of me— I’m gonna seriously kick your ass!” Hinata’s hands were right above Kageyama’s, quivering. And it wasn’t helping that that breathing of his was increasingly getting worse.</p><p>With a little bit of struggling going on for a second, Kageyama soon began to gently caress at the rough, pimpled cheeks. An attempt at some poor soothing. </p><p>“You’re seriously freaking me out, Kageyama— I’m not fucking playing, dude, I can’t breathe—“ Hinata cried out in frustration. </p><p>“Breathe with me,” Kageyama calmly stated.</p><p>“What?? For the love of god, just let go of me damnit!”</p><p>“Hey, hey, come on, dude, you’re shaking,” He noted.</p><p>“I can’t fucking breathe, Kageyama- I’m seriously—“</p><p>“Hinata, Hinata, come on, dumbass! Just,, Just- Try and trust me, ok? You need to breathe with me,” Kageyama tried to convince.</p><p>Hinata’s eyes darted to the sides, to where he couldn’t see the ones in front of him. Uncomfortably shifting in his stance, he continued to panic. Although, coming to a certain sense that the person in front of him was offering guidance of help, he gulped. </p><p>And there it is again, tightness at the chest. And warming face. </p><p>“Yeah, okay, that’s good, dude.” Kageyama nodded with encouragement. The massive panic that coursed through Hinata had soon enough eased. “Are you able to breathe in through you’re nose and out your mouth? You gotta take five seconds in through the nose, hold for five, then out for five. You can do that right?”</p><p>Hinata managed to nod through the small string of silent hesitation. Then begun to do as Kageyama had said. Breathing through his nose, holding, and lowly exhaling from his mouth, closing his eyes in the process.</p><p>Kageyama slowly grinned softly, then slid his thumbs up and down Hinata’s cheeks. They were rough. Riddled of pimples, but he had disregarded that. It stood no uncomfort for either him or Hinata. </p><p>Soon, once the breathing had come to an assuring pace, he opened his eyes once more. “You did it.” Kageyama certified easily. </p><p>“Yeah..” Hinata murmured, letting one last sigh out.</p><p>In that moment, for a probable, comforting second, the two of them were just.. there. The consoling aurora that has consumed them, was relieving. It was warm. </p><p>And to the two of them, the space of the mind have gone blank. For whatever reason, all situations at hand had disappeared when eyes had become fixated to eachother. All Hinata could see was Kageyama and all Kageyama could see was Hinata, that was all. </p><p>Either or, it wasn’t confirmed who exactly was at the fault, but the faces of the two had inched closer. Still containing that unbreakable stare. </p><p>“W-Woah..” Hinata blinked.<br/>
“Woah, woah, woah! What the- What the fuck??”<br/>
Alas, before anything could have come into contact, through bewildered senses, Hinata shoved the brunet away. “What the fuck were you just gonna do right now!?</p><p>Kageyama coming back to the reality, he became baffled as the same for the other. “Wha-?! Me?? I-It was you who was about to do something! I wasn’t doing shit!”</p><p>“God- Stay the fuck away from me!” Hinata shoved Kageyama again furiously. The reddened face of his growing more colored.</p><p>“I will not hesitate to throw your ass down, Hinata. Don’t fucking try me, damnit. I wasn’t the one who was crying just now and needed my help!” Kageyama returned with the same attitude.</p><p>“Need?? Need??! I didn’t need shit from you!” Hinata balled his fists, flailing them hastily. “You need to learn how to just back off, alright?? I could’ve handled this myself.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, hyperventilating really is handling things isn’t it, huh?” Kageyama sneered. “I was just trying to help, Hinata. I really was. But I’m not going to put up with this, man.”</p><p>“God, you are such a child!” Hinata shouted. </p><p>He felt embarrassed.<br/>
So embarrassed, the urge of screaming was on edge. He just wanted to punch something, scratch angrily to the sides of his head. The grinding of his teeth wasn’t doing him any beneficial good.<br/>
..Were he and Kageyama were about to..? No, no, that’s not it. That’s not what was going on. It couldn’t be.</p><p>“..Stupid Kageyama.” Hinata groaned through grit teeth before heading to the gym doors.</p><p>—</p><p>To it’s surprise, the team or anybody in specific hadn’t heard the commotion from outside the gym. But all they could see was the intense tension that had emitted from the double trouble pair. Before the match, they did a quick change up and set Hinata to the sidelines. Daichi and coach had both agreed he hadn’t looked.. so well. Hinata complied with silence, Kageyama didn’t pay any mind to that.</p><p>So with the pair split now, with the first section now to begin, the whistle had blown. And there was the ball, flying off.</p><p>The game starts.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i honestly don’t know the layout for the Nekoma gym area,, so let’s just pretend they got gym connecting towards an inside corridor where bathrooms are :P</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. are you still anxious</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:/</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Pass over here!”</p><p>“It’s up!!”</p><p>“Cover, cover!”</p><p>The slaps of the volleyball along with the consistent calls, it continued to ring in Hinata’s ear. Probably growing a bit fuzzy as his headache began to increase painfully.</p><p>Still on the sidelines, Hinata stood eyes planted on the game. His eyes were there, yes, but no matter how hard he tried to pay attention, his mind would always blotch blank and he’d end up spacing out. He had to catch himself from full on collapsing because the weight upon his own legs felt too wobbly for him to handle.</p><p>But with time, it was finally his opening rotation to get into the game. The whistle blowing for the pause and he jogged up to his spot next to Kageyama. Not sparing a glance towards his way out of his pride.</p><p>Getting to his spot, he stumbled a tad over his own footing, juddering vision weakening him up by the second. His own body felt so heavy now.</p><p>“You good?..” It was Kenma. Across from the other net as it was their serve. </p><p>Hinata processed the question painfully slow, before sending a smile. “Uh-Huh.” He hummed before jabbing a thumbs up.</p><p>Bam! Ball darting towards Daichi right behind him, another thing Hinata had slowly processed. He was able to hit it right up into the air, where it flew to the direction of Kageyama. Hinata wobbled a bit in place, squinting his lids up to the ball, where he ended up being blinded by the gym lights. Kageyama knew his choices well and ended up sending it towards Asahi. Which he sent it down, but was carefully caught by the libero on the other side, Yaku.</p><p>“Chance ball! Chance ball!!” Tanaka yelled.</p><p>And there flying down, the volleyball was zipping down to Hinata’s area. “It’s yours Hinata!” Tanaka yelled out, as it grew closer. Setting himself into position, Hinata’s slow reflexes managed to prop his arms out.</p><p>Stretching into position, the ball was close enough, but the reach had climaxed an error. He was off by a scarce two inches. The ball slammed to the floor and rolled off. The Nekoma team had a chance of celebration, taking it gracefully, except Kenma who stared in confusion at the ginger. Who was still in position until he fluttered his eyes back to reality.</p><p>“It’s okay! Shake it off, we’ll get that next time.”  Daichi called out.</p><p>Kageyama scowled, “It was right there, idiot!! You dumbass!”</p><p>Hinata edged out of the squat of a position, then proceeded to rub the back of his neck. With a roll of his eyes, he ignored the setter. Tanaka popped up from behind Hinata, and placed a hand on his shoulder, “You’re not looking too good, pipsqueak.” He commented.</p><p>The shorter shrugs the hand off with no response. No eye contact. Tanaka, a tad taken back by this, blinked. The team, as well, paid their fair share of looks at the small scene. Kageyama eyed, per usual.<br/>
“Hey ginger!! Get your head in the game.” Coach called from the sidelines.</p><p>Back into proper positions, both teams were ready for the serve from Nekoma. There, the volleyball zipped towards the edge, but carefully picked up by Daichi. Who hit it upwards and that went along over to Kageyama. Again, he sent a glance over to Hinata, who was just dumbly watching the ball’s location. His squatting position long gone as he lankily lazed. The brunet scoffed a ‘tch’ and attempted a setter dump. But it was caught easily and sent back over. Along to Asahi, Kageyama, and then Tanaka, landing a point.</p><p>There was the celebrating of shouts, of course, but to Hinata, he continued to hear muffles. The distorted shouts collided with the ringing at his left ear. Not experiencing the excitement of the point earned as he had previous times. Maybe it was the pain numbing his senses. He just.. couldn’t force himself.</p><p>Rumbles from his stomach distracted him, along with the weird tingling within his dry mouth. He wiped his nose with his wrist, snuffling at that excess sweat. Was he shaking? Eh, probably was, what’s new.</p><p>“Hinata!”</p><p>Spacing out, fuck, he needs to stop doing that. With eyes trailing up to Kageyama, he exhaled a heavy sigh.</p><p>“It’s your serve,” He stated, propping the volleyball into his grasp by shoving it to his chest. Holding the ball in his hands, he made his way to the end of the line for his serve. Kageyama watched his odd walk, the slight limp.</p><p>Hinata up to serve, that ball sat eagerly in his hand, awaiting the whistle. Until it was sounded, Hinata sloppily threw the ball up. Hovering up a while, slowly Hinata began to read the direction in was slowly falling in. Instead of just straight up, it soon tipped towards the left. He frowned. Little effort, he scooted himself to where he could potentially reach it and raised his hand for a useless hit.<br/>
That hand swung but nothing came into impact. He missed it.</p><p>The rest of them watching, they all were painted confused. With such buffering movements and slow reaction times of Hinata’s, they all watched him swing at air. The ball fell to the wood floor.</p><p>Hinata grit his teeth. Frustration was arising.</p><p>From the corner of his eyes, the ginger saw Coach Ukai whispering to Takeda Sensai. He could see his teammates unraveling themselves of their postures, same going for the team amongst the other side. Hinata felt his lips twitching.</p><p>“Again!” Hinata yelled out, voice cracking.</p><p>Trudging himself to where the ball rolled off, he yanked it off from the ground. Obviously blocking out the others just for his own selfish benefit. He positions himself again at the end of the line, even though everybody else weren’t copying their appropriate stance.</p><p>He felt so stupid, he felt so stupid.</p><p>Hinata swat his arm out, ball struggling to sit still within his palm. He could hit it, he knew he could. And then their game could continue for more matches. Because Hinata wanted to play. He wanted to play.</p><p>With sweat beading, he noticed that the faster his heart pounded, the more he forgot how to breathe. Either embarrassment or nervousness sparking this, he couldn’t tell. But his legs quivered until kneepads crashed to the floor.</p><p>He could still hit it, he can still hit it.</p><p>Fuck, it’s so hard to see. And why did it feel like the ball was getting heavier. It felt fifty pounds heavier. If Hinata can just.. just..</p><p>“Hinata!” Kageyama shouted.</p><p>With expected approach, Hinata collapsed down to the ground. Alarming to everyone, Coach Ukai and sensai were quick to their feet at sprinting over. “Back up, back up!” Ukai yelled to the teammates who had completely tossed aside the intent of the match. With a widened, spaced out circle, the two adults ran to Hinata. Worrisome comments bursting from both ends of the court, they filled the atmosphere with concerning fear.</p><p>“Is he okay? He didn’t hit his head too hard did he? You do feel a pulse right?? Please tell me you still feel a pulse!” Kageyama questioned quickly with wide eyes.</p><p>“Kageyama, please,” Sensai spared a glance to him. As in a way for him to calm his overwhelming questions.</p><p>“We should probably get him to the hospital,” Ukai uttered to the other, who had nodded. Until there was a squirming hand nudging the two away.</p><p>Weakly rubbing his throat, Hinata was grimacing painfully.</p><p>“No. I’m just..” He panted heavily. “I just need.. sitting down, to s-sit down.</p><p>“Somebody go get his water,” Ukai turned back to the crowd of boys, in which Suga had retrieved the bottle.</p><p>“Can you sit up, Hinata?” Sensai asked softly, ushering a gentle hand to his back as the ginger began to rise slowly. “Don’t force yourself, Ginger. Go at your own pace.” Ukai remarked.</p><p>“Yeah don’t force yourself, Hinata.” Kageyama uttered anxiously from the side.</p><p>“Here’s his water.” Suga passed the water to Coach, who lifted it near the lips of Hinata.</p><p>“Stop,” The boy inched his head away from the water bottle. His disgruntled expression scrunched his eyebrows out of disgust.</p><p>“Hinata, you’re obviously overheated, you’re sweating like crazy.”</p><p>“You need to drink something,” Kageyama intervenes once again. That earned a swift gape from Coach.</p><p>“Okay, we need to get him off the court.” Sensai told the other adult.</p><p>“Right.” He nodded.</p><p>With continuous protests coming from Hinata about how it was either not necessary or how he was still capable of playing, those pleads were disregarded by Ukai and Takeda. They had helped him to his feet and ushered him out of the gym.</p><p>Trailing behind them was a setter with worry, who was butting in at every little thing. At everything Kageyama said, Hinata gave a soiled look. That rooting from annoyance of the overwhelming scene. But both the adults had noticed and turned to Kageyama.</p><p>“—You’re gonna be okay, Hinata. Is your head okay?? If not, then we can check if it’s a concussion or something.” Kageyama was babbling off.</p><p>“Hey, Kageyama.” Coach tiredly murmured.</p><p>The brunet nodded, “Yeah? Do you need me to do something for him? I can carry him to the hospital! Or drive! Either one I can do it.”</p><p>“You don’t even know how to drive, kid..”</p><p>“I don’t find that a problem!” Kageyama insisted.</p><p>“Well, I do. And anyways, if you don’t mind, I really don’t think you and your constant questions are doing Hinata any good. Don’t take it personally, but you need to get back to the gym.”</p><p>Kageyama fumbled a little with his fingers, “But Coach, I can help-“</p><p>“You can help by getting yourself back into the gym, Kageyama.”</p><p>—</p><p>With Hinata being shifted over to a permanent seat at the sidelines, the rest of the matches had continued. Although the usual hyper vibe and powerful structure of the team has wavered terribly. Especially the brunet setter that everybody and oh-so relied on, that attention that Kageyama would use for the ball, he often found himself glancing over to Hinata who was passing balls to Yachi for distraction. With that aspect, they didn’t manage to win the half of their matches. Failing miserably or winning barely with either a one or two point difference.</p><p>Afterwards, with the clock being struck at five, both teams were generously bought curry buns and watermelon. With equals swerving for all of the boys, Hinata, too, was forced with his plate of two curry buns and slice of watermelon. He soon ended up in the company of Kenma’s at the side of the building, drifted away from the rest</p><p>Kenma had been engulfed with his game whilst Hinata fumbles with his fingers, just glad that he was able to hide in such a solitary area with a dude he felt most comfortable with at the moment.</p><p>With Kenma already finishing a curry bun and a nibble of his watermelon, Hinata hadn’t touched his own plate since he placed it down on the grass. Even though his mouth was dryer than ever and tasted bad, he kept his fingers tangled with eachother.</p><p>Kenma shot a brief glance towards the boy who continued to scrabble at his fingers. Still continuing his game, he spoke, “I thought you liked your curry buns really hot?”</p><p>“Mn. I’m not really hungry.” The other replied drowsily.</p><p>Kenma mashed the game buttons for a second more, until he pressed pause. After, he turned to the ginger. “Your head hurt still?” He asked.</p><p>Hinata shook his head.</p><p>”Do you feel like you’re gonna pass out again?”</p><p>”..No.”</p><p>Kenma nodded at this. Allowing the both of them to sit in this weird silence, until he decided to carry on with his game soundlessly. The button smashing and device’s noise was what left the conversation and comforted the air.</p><p>But, it wasn’t long until Kenma spoke up again, still at it with his game. “You know, Shoyo, your change in personality is really freaking me out.” He monotony noted.</p><p>Hidden from kenma’s view, at Hinata’s other side he begun smushing the watery red upon the grass. “I don’t mean to. Sorry, I’m just</p><p>“—really tired..“<br/>
“—really tired?”</p><p>Overlapping Hinata’s voice, he blinked and directed himself over at Kenma. Not gifted the same eye contact, he remained concentrated to the his phone. “If I can read your volleyball technique during a single match, what makes you think I can’t read you as a person overall?”</p><p>Hinata blinked. “Huh?”</p><p>With a light sigh, that game of his was paused yet again. “Um, .. I don’t think you’ve noticed, but ever since you got here, your whole vibe has been kinda off.” He rubbed his neck. “And I think I can speak for everybody when I say that you’re not looking well.”</p><p>Hinata bit his lip.</p><p>“I think you already know yourself that you aren’t doing well.” Kenma inferred. “Oh, of course, I’m meaning this in the nicest way I can. I’m sorry if that came off as rude.”</p><p>“No, no, you’re fine, I get what you mean.” Hinata shrugged.</p><p>“Well, in that case. I just wanna ask if you’re doing alright. It really isn’t like you when you aren’t jumping all over the place all energetic. I thought being all quiet and boring was my thing?” Although the joke didn’t properly land, Kenma ticked a small smile. But his lips curled back down immediately after when he noticed Hinata was still staring off to the distance. He gave a nod as a response, but it was obvious that his lights were on but it didn’t seem that anybody was home.</p><p>Kenma fixated his eyes towards the direction, finding a familiar setter in the distance. Munching on curry buns, was Kageyama.</p><p>Kenma mentally noted this aspect.</p><p>“Shoyo, if you ever need somebody to talk to, I’m sure that vice captain of yours could really help?” The blonde didn’t even bother the slightest mention for himself. We all know that that option would be the most underwhelming.</p><p>“Ah, it’s fine Kenma, really.”</p><p>He wouldn’t take his eyes off of Kageyama, Kenma noticed.</p><p>“Do you like him?”</p><p>“Eh-Huh??” Hinata finally whipped around. His face already spoiling his answer and ruining his pre-constructed lie.</p><p>“Kageyama. Do you like him? Or are you two complicated?” Kenma repeated, unfazed.</p><p>Hinata scratched a hand into his knotted hair, “No! No, it’s not like that!”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter to me who you like, Hinata. I’m not weirded out by that stuff. I can understand cuz Kuroo makes me feel some type of way too, y’know.”</p><p>“Kenma, nonononononononono, I don’t like Kageyama like that!” Hinata flushed. </p><p>“Denial comes from the protection of pride, Shoyo.”</p><p>“Seriously, Kageyama doesn’t have anything to do with me. It’s just.. s-something else, I guess. But it really doesn’t have to do with him. Honest.” Hinata stammered, his face already coated of embarrassment.</p><p>Kenma slowly blinked, until he shrugged, “Okay, then.. what is wrong?”</p>

<p>Flopping his back to the wall aimlessly, Hinata sighed. “I don’t even know anymore.. Everything is all sucky now.”</p>

<p>“Is it? How so?” Kenma raised a brow.</p>

<p>“I dunno.. Are you able to keep a secret?”</p>

<p>“It depends on what secret we’re keeping here. Are we talking ‘I stole something from a store’ or ‘I murdered a guy and need help burying the body’ type of secret?”</p>

<p>“A secret that’ll probably force me to stop playing volleyball.”</p>

<p>Kenma thought quietly at this. Debating his next words. “I can assume that you’re probably not gonna tell me then.”</p>

<p>Hinata stood silent. Until he nodded.</p>

<p>Kenma exhaled. “Well, have you considered therapy?”</p>

<p>Hinata returned to fumbling his fingers, the light distraction as an outlet for comfort. “A little. But I’d probably have to tell my mom and she’s already super busy as it is, and I wouldn’t really wanna bother her.” The other dismissed. “I’d also probably have to miss practices. And take a break of volleyball too.”</p>

<p>“Well, maybe taking a break is what you need?”</p>

<p>Hinata raised a brow, “Huh?”</p>

<p>Kenma stared at him, deadpanned before he turned downwards at his game. Moving the buttons around despite it still being paused. “Look Shoyo, you’re a hard worker. And you like to push yourself. That can be something either very beneficial or extremely dangerous.” He uttered. “Right now, it’s at that point where your constant need for improvement is really taking a toll on you. I don’t feel like that’s healthy.”</p>

<p>Hinata hummed. Gritting his teeth as he dug his nails into the spaces between his very fingers. “Yeah.. I guess.”</p>

<p>“Seriously, dude, you should consider maybe even one session? It’s doesn’t have to go on for forever, y’know? But maybe it could help.” Kenma insisted, now chucking an understanding smile.</p>

<p>Hinata returned the grin. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He stood up with plate in hand. Two cold, uneaten curry buns sat next to the green crust of watermelon speckled with a tad of grass and some dirt messily. “Thanks Kenma. I really appreciate you talking with me.”</p>

<p>“No problem.” Kenma smiled.</p>

<p>Well would you look at that. Despite believing that he’d be of no help, looks as though Hinata managed to get something out of this. He deserved an apple pie, Kenma smugly thought. Better ask Kuroo if he had any cash on him.</p>

<p>Hinata waved at him as he begun to walk away, Kenma returning it kindly. And the ginger slowly made his way towards the doors within the corridor.</p>

<p>Kenma was already such an understanding guy. Easy to talk to, even though his little effort at conversation. Of course, it’s such a shame that those wisdom dripping words were pure bullshit to Hinata.</p>

<p>As he made his way towards the trashcan as he practically swallowed the two curry buns. Then he tossed the plate and wandered off to where he needed. Ignoring how his vision was flickering staticky black, he continued on. That is, until he saw Tanaka up ahead, right where he needed to go.</p>

<p>“Oh, hey Hinata! You feeling any better now, dude?” The second year asked.</p>

<p>Hinata gave a shrug, “A little. Excuse me, but I need to use the restroom.” He asked, about to pull upon the handle till he realized it wouldn’t budge.</p>

<p>“Yeah, it wouldn’t open for me either. I dunno why, but maybe somebody forgot to unlock it or something.” Tanaka commented.</p>

<p>No.<br/>
It can’t be locked.<br/>
Hinata needed to get in there. He needed to get rid of the food.</p>

<p>”I-Is there not another bathroom on campus??” Hinata asked quickly, wide eyes overcoming him.</p>

<p>”I’m pretty sure in like the actual school area but we can’t go over there.”</p>

<p>With a heartbeat anxiously speeding up, Hinata looked back to the boys bathroom door. He struggled with the handle for a while more, to where he was violently yanking at it. It earned a stare from Tanaka, who chose not to question but stepped back as an alternative.</p>

<p>The shorter whipped around, eyes rocking to the other wall. There, he saw the stairs.</p>

<p>”Where you going, dude?” Tanaka called out as Hinata stormed up the stairs. Up into the very classrooms and schooling section. Looked past every classroom, all he thought was a bathroom. He didn’t care if he got in trouble by Coach, but he just needed a bathroom.</p>

<p>Serving a corner, he exhaled relieve. Finally a bathroom. Furiously stomping over, he jerked the handle. It opened.</p>

<p>”You really gotta go that bad, Hinata?” Tanaka asked, finally catching up with him. “We could really get in trouble if somebody caught us, man. Don’t you think you can hold it until we get back home?”</p>

<p>”No, I’ll be quick anyways..”

</p>
<p>”Uh.. Well, I can keep a lookout for you, dude, so that nobody sees ya.” Tanaka offered. “I don’t just break rules I can break necks too!”</p>

<p>”Thats nice of you, Tanaka-senpai, but you can just go.” Hinata forced his smile, although his tone came off rather aggressively.

</p>
<p>Tanaka clearly noticed this. And the two of them just both processed their reactions slowly. So Tanaka slowly walked off, “Um.. Alright then, man. Be sure nobody sees you then, and uh, see you out there.” He said.</p>

<p>Wave here and there, with a little more of some repetitive forged smiles, before Hinata swiftly dipped into the bathroom. He locks the door without a though and slams himself into a stall. Knees collapsing to the ground shamelessly, he thrusted his two fingers into his throat. Quietly gagging for those two buns he just consumed.</p>

<p>He just wanted it out of him.</p>

<p>He didn’t want that shit in his stomach, he didn’t want it.</p>

<p>So here we go again, with desperate attempts at such an unplanned, unhealthy lifestyle, Hinata found himself refusing food. He couldn’t even see within the bowl since tears blurred his vision.</p>

<p>Nothing was coming out, and that made Hinata angrier. And the angrier he got, the more desperate he became.</p>

<p>Kenma was right.<br/>
This was unhealthy.</p>

  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. confronting and comforting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>rlly rlly sorry for the late updates (ｉДｉ) been kinda sad lately but im pulling through ! when i usually finish a chapter I like to take a small break like a two or three day break and then get back to writing. The chapter usually take a day or two to make so just stick with me here! :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was just saliva. </p><p>Hinata couldn't gag anymore than just useless saliva. </p><p>With continuous, furious jabs at his stomach or the deeper he thrusted his finger into his throat, all he received was nothing more.. than saliva. </p><p>Within a panic, he hopped up from the ground, ignoring that usual dizziness and sprinted to the sink. Twisting the nozzle, he drank from it. He gulped until his stomach managed to feel the negligible sensation of " full ". Then he attempted once more.</p><p>And yet again, despite how much he silently gagged, nothing more was to come out. </p><p>Was it hopelessness? Was it pity? What exactly did hinata feel?<br/>
Well, whatever it was, he felt like whatever contained in that body of his sunk. </p><p>How dreadful it was, yes, but how silly it was that the ginger was beginning to sob. Choking, he slapped his palms to his mouth to muffle the cries. </p><p>So fixated, wasn't he. </p><p>How long was this going to last? How long can his heart continue to physically weaken? Why does he feel so defeated at the littlest amount of food no matter how the healthy? Geez, it's so old, it's getting old now. </p><p>Pressing his back to the bathroom side, his legs shook beneath him, as he proceeded to try and calm himself down.</p><p>What if one day, when that little heart of his can no longer beat those sluggishly slow pumps? What will happen? What would happen if his stomach were to tear? To rip open if he had decided to eat an actual decently sized meal? At this point, it had shrunk harmfully. The hospital hadn't been an option before, so why would it be one such as now? </p><p>What is so wrong with him?? What the fuck can he do?</p><p>Hinata snuffled up snot, snatching some toilet paper to blow into. He stashed those into the bin and exited the stall. Washed his hands up whilst he pressed the back of his hands to his eyes. With wise, he didn't rub them. Through experience, he knew the outcome from rubbing at the eyeballs could make it more noticeable that you've been crying.</p><p>So hinata just allowed his eyes to regain the most normal look they were able to at the moment. Tinted slightly of pink around, but it wasn't anything too noticeable that anybody would notice. </p><p>"I fucking hate this." Hinata sighed, avoiding his gaze from the mirror. "I can't even look at that. So disgusting.." he mumbled.</p><p>With a tense second in that quiet bathroom, he was soon to gather himself mentally and reach for the locked door. Undoing that lock, he swung it open. Finding Kageyama directly in front of him. In a pausing position as he was just about to knock.</p><p>I wonder if the gods purposely like to do this shit for fun, Hinata cringed at thought.</p><p>"Hinata?" Kageyama questioned, arm flopping back to his side. "Were you ju-"</p><p>"We better get to the buses." Hinata cut off, quickly passing by the other. Then making his direction towards the stairs.</p><p>Just don't overthink it, he didn't hear anything. He didn't hear anything, Hinata pried at convincing.</p><p>——</p><p>"Hey, Kageyama?" Tanaka pressed a hand to his shoulder, "Are you able to go check up on Hinata?" He was shushed in a cautious whisper.</p><p>"Eh? Check up on him? Isn't he with Kenma?" Kageyama questioned. But Tanaka shook his head.</p><p>"Nah, dude. Um, actually, he kinda went into the school area to get to a bathroom and he looked kinda.. I dunno, off." Tanaka said.</p><p>Kageyama bit the inside of his cheeks, "Maybe he just needed to use the bathroom real bad or something."</p><p>"No, no, he was kinda intimidating, man. He looked off, I don't know, just like every thing just seemed off." Tanaka said. "Come on, man, you know he really only listens to you."</p><p>Kageyama sighed, then just begun his way to those doors. Tossing away his finished plate into the trash bags, before he entered the building. </p><p>He wondered what was happening now. And what exactly Hinata was doing or perhaps thinking.<br/>
He didn't seem of the type to go breaking the rules like that, he always thought of him of staying in line like the tad perfectionist he was.</p><p>Of course, it was a worry. And of course, Kageyama wanted to make sure he was okay.</p><p>He should've gone to the hospital. He didn't think that he'd end up in a chair on the sidelines getting tosses from Yachi. Because at that point, with him passing out and literally shaking, anybody would've ought he be taken to the doctors, or the infirmary, or anything of the sort. At least, in Kageyama's opinion, he should've went. Words couldn't explain how pissed he was when he saw that nest of orange knots next to coach.</p><p>But everything just feels so lopsided.<br/>
Like today, Hinata fainted and didn't seem so excited when Kageyama had gave him his curry buns. He even snuck with Kenma without jumping up and down trying to convince him to throw tosses. He knew it would be the most easiest to ask straightforward questions, but, ah, he didn't know. This new Hinata that was presence wasn't one that Kageyama particully enjoyed.</p><p>How could somebody so simple and transparent become so difficult?</p><p>Observing every corner and turn at the hallways for signs of the bathroom until he finally crossed it. He wasn't slow with his steps, he swiftly made it to the door. And that hand of his was just about to yank the handle, but..</p><p>Gagging. Poorly quieted ones at that, there was gagging.<br/>
With a jolt, Kageyama stopped himself.</p><p>He continued to hear gagging but that had stopped. But then next he could hear water running. And then sobbing.</p><p>Kageyama had tried to slowly slide the door, but it didn't budge. The dude locked it, are you serious?</p><p>"I fucking hate this.." </p><p>Hinata? <br/>
Hates what? What does he hate?? Is it because he wasn't able to play? Is he nervous? What's wrong?? God, if only he was able to open the goddamn door.</p><p>"I can even look at that." Once again, his voice. All cracked and hoarse, he spoke once more. It wavered terribly as if he were crying. </p><p>"So disgusting."</p><p>The brunet didn't know why, but he could feel something breaking within him. He sounded so sad, so broken. </p><p>Hinata. The volleyball-obsessed teenager that used to always bounce wall to wall with energy, just sounded like he lost everything. That he was nothing more than cumbersome skin and bones.</p><p>He was just about to knock when the door had opened. And as expected, he looked down at a puffy eyed, red nosed Hinata. </p><p>"Hinata?" He blinked out of surprise.</p><p>He wanted to ask so many things. He wanted to know so much of what was going on. Is he okay, has he been eating correctly, why does it always look like he's on the verge of passing out everyday, Kageyama wanted to know.</p><p>He really looked like he needed a hug.</p><p>"We're you ju-"</p><p>"We better get to the buses." Interrupting him, Hinata disregarded Kageyama's explanation of being there.</p><p>It was apparent that whatever questions Kageyama wanted to be answered, weren't going to be solved anytime soon. Hinata's remoteness  from both him and the club, now was really going to be a problem. </p><p>He didn't like this eerie distance they now held against each other. He wanted that gone. He wanted whatever troubling Hinata to be gone.</p><p>He didn't wanna miss him so much.</p><p>—</p><p>With respectful bows from Karsuno, the teams were proceeding to part ways. Hinata still not in his strongest mindset as he just tiredly smiled through the whole ordeal. Through the goodbyes to Kenma, the bowing, and the boarding on the bus. He had decided to sit in a seat of his own until Kageyama had decided to take his next to Hinata's. Odd, of course, but Hinata was too exhausted to even ponder on the fact. He just stared out the window while waiting for slumber to drag him in.</p>

<p>"Hinata wasn't okay." Kenma said. After the bus drove off, the rest of the team then had begun to head back to their clubroom.</p>

<p>Kuroo raised a brow. "Huh?"</p>

<p>"Hinata was acting weird so I guess I ended up talking to him, and I really think we need to tell their coach about him." Kenma said, tapping his fingers away at his game.</p>

<p>Kuroo hummed. "He kinda did snap at us before the match but there's not really anything else to it. Not everybody is just switched to one emotion like you."</p>

<p>"'Not really anything else to it?' Kuroo.. Come on, dude." Kenma squinted. "I don't want to seem rude, but he looks sick. He lost a lot of weight, Kuroo."</p>

<p>"Eh? He looked the same to me." The taller replied obliviously.</p>

<p>Kenma stared at him until he sighed. "I don't think he's in the right physical or mental state to continue volleyball. I really believes something's wrong."</p>

<p>"Well I kinda think that's the shrimp's decision to make."</p>

<p>"He passed out during the game, Kuroo. You did see that right??"</p>

<p>"Yeah I saw that. Everybody saw it." Kuroo nodded.</p>

<p>"That's not okay. People shouldn't be passing out. Especially when they look like that."</p>

<p>"Okay, I see where you're coming from." Kuroo agreed. "But maybe Hinata knows now? And most likely the coaches too. If you think logically about it, I doubt they'd let Hinata continue to play. I'm sure they'll know."</p>

<p>Kenma stood quiet. Then scoffed before he nodded. "Yeah. I guess you're right."</p>

<p>—</p>

<p>Returning from that game, in preparations for the future of games, the team had begun practice the very next day. The next day, Hinata had fainted during warmups. And was sat out. He was completely out of it, and the coaches had offered him to go home early and not practice tomorrow. But those were immediately shot down.</p>

<p>During the next three practices, Hinata had fainted out of the two. That was then he was temporary banned from practices out of the concern of safety for his own general being. He hadn't taken that too well as he tried sneaking into the gym but was shut out automatically.</p>

<p>The whole groove of practice didn't go so smoothly at that, either. Everybody could hear the continuous shuddering of the locked door handle to open by Hinata from outside, and even when that wasn't going on, Kageyama couldn't toss his proper sets as much. On the smallest breaks that they'd have, Kageyama would almost immediately sprint to the door to see Hinata. Who tried to squeeze his way in but yet again shut out.</p>

<p>On the fifth night of practice, it had ended earlier than usual closing sun and the doors were immediately locked up for Hinata. And that shorter one, who looked as frail as ever, begun his walk to his home. Knowingly Kageyama was silently trailing behind him.</p>

<p>"U-Uh Hinata?" He spoke out.</p>

<p>The ginger halted his steps and turned backwards, gazing. "What."</p>

<p>"I kinda, like, wanna talk to you." The brunet awkwardly said.</p>

<p>"Okay." Hinata nodded, then turned back to walk, as if he expected him to follow along. But Kageyama stood put.</p>

<p>"Actually, since it's a Friday and there isn't any school tomorrow, can we go get some snacks down at the convenient store?" He asked.</p>

<p>With slight widened eyes at the words of 'convenient store's, Hinata shook his head and begun to walk fast away from him.</p>

<p>Avoid that. Defiantly avoid that.</p>

<p>Kageyama blinked at the response before jogging up to him. He was opting to snatched his arm, but he had decided against it. "Okay, okay! We don't have to go to a convenient store! How about we just talk like this then?"</p>

<p>"I g-gotta get home, Kageyama"</p>

<p>"I want to talk about us, Hinata."</p>

<p>"'Us'?? Dude what?" Hinata stopped confusingly, now a tad agitated with annoyance.</p>

<p>Kageyama, now holding a rather serious expression, nodded. "Yeah." he confirmed. "Us."</p>

<p>The tension in the air. Eyes locked together. It made it clear that the both of them knew exactly what the other meant.</p>

<p>"What is there to talk about 'us'? We're just volleyball club members.." Hinata mumbled, breaking their stare.</p>

<p>"It's something serious, Hinata. Come on."</p>

<p>...</p>

<p>"Can we talk then?"</p>

<p>...</p>

<p>"Fine."</p>

<p>With a sigh of relief, Kageyama now begun to lead Hinata off to a simple park. Being sage, he didn't offer anything from the convienent store or food stands that they passed. Instead, on the walk there the both of them were lingering in simple silence. Just listening to the background of the town. It felt rather nice. To Kageyama, that is. Hinata was barely keeping up with the pace, no matter how slow it was.</p>

<p>Finally making it to a park, Kageyama sat on the grass underneath the shade. Hinata joined him and propped his bike to the tree behind them.</p>

<p>They didn't talk for a short while. Instead, they sat in the presence of eachother. Felt nice, really. Kinds relaxing too. Up until Kageyama had spoke up.</p>

<p>"Have you been starving yourself?"</p>

<p>Saying it so simply. Questionable to how one could do forth so easily. Hinata winced at the question. He had expected it. Well, any version of it, but it was surprising that he decided to get straightforward with it.</p>

<p>"Hinata?"</p>

<p>He was looking at him.</p>

<p>"Y-.." He choked up. Before clearing his throat, that breath of his hitched. ".. heh, you say it so directly. It's kinda scary." He chuckled breathily.</p>

<p>"Can you please answer my question?" Kageyama said.</p>

<p>Hinata didn't response.</p>

<p>"I've been doing a lot of research on it." The brunet started. "I've been looking up the way you acted, how you seemed to look now. You didn't eat, you looked tired, you are passing out all the time, and the results I got was maybe you were dealing with a.."</p>

<p>Kageyama cleared his throat.</p>

<p>Hinata really didn't want to hear it.</p>

<p>"..Dealing with an eating disorder." Kageyama finished.</p>

<p>Ah, there it is.</p>

<p>"You're probably right." Hinata sighed, scratching his head whilst bringing his knees up. "Geez, I really didn't expect to be you the one to confront me or something. I always expected coach or Sensai or even Daichi. Surprised it was you.."</p>

<p>Kageyama nodded.</p>

<p>"Hinata. You know that you can't be playing volleyball."</p>

<p>"Tch. What do you mean can't?? Bullshit."</p>

<p>"Well, I mean shouldn't, Hinata. You playing isn't going to help you."</p>

<p>"Fuck you. What do you know about helping me. I can play just fine and we'll all get to the nationals."</p>

<p>"Hinata." Sternly, Kageyama stated. Then he pointed to his legs. "You're bruised up, Hinata. You look sick, dude. You faint all the time, do you really want me to remind you of how many times you have passed out ever since we got back from Nekoma??"</p>

<p>"Bullshit, Kageyama. You ju-"</p>

<p>"Six times. You passed out six fucking times. And every time, you always look like you're dying. You don't realize how goddamn scary that is." He barked.</p>

<p>His eyes began to water. "Kageyama, this isn't helping." He pressed palms to his face, to cover him tearing up.</p>

<p>With a pause, Kageyama fixed his aggressive posture. "Shit. You're right." He noticed. "I'm sorry, Hinata."</p>

<p>Accompanied with a little dash of hesitation, an arm slowly wrapped itself around Hinata.</p>

<p>"Hey, hey. It's okay, dude. You can let it out." He comforted, but a palm pushed away at his torso. Once again, creating the space around them.</p>

<p>"Don't do that. You don't need to do that." Hinata shook his head.</p>

<p>Removing that arm, Kageyama obliged. He really wanted to make sure that Hinata felt as comfortably safe as possible. The last thing he wanted to do was say the wrong thing. "Do you want to talk about it? Can I help? I want to help you."</p>

<p>"It sucks.." Hinata sighed. Wiping at the rolling tear.</p>

<p>"What sucks, Hinata?"</p>

<p>"I dunno.. Everything that's going on, I guess." The ginger continued. "I can't walk, I can't eat, I can never get better. And like, I'm never going to be Tsukishima's height or be able to play volleyball like the great king. Like.. Why am I trying?? I'm useless if I wasn't always paired up with you."</p>

<p>"Is this about you being partered up with me?"</p>

<p>"No. No.. I don't know. Maybe? Actually no, maybe it's probably a little part of it. But, arghh- it's like no matter what, I'm always going to suck. I try and try but nothing works."</p>

<p>"You do realize that you've made it this far? You've surpassed who you were before, Hinata." Kageyama said. But Hinata stood quiet. Then he spoke again. "You can jump high. You've got fast reflexes. You are somebody with so much potential, and I really believe that you are gonna be big. I know you're going to be big."</p>

<p>Such comforting words, Hinata thought as he then turned towards Kageyama. Who was looking down at the sun now disapearing down the many houses.</p>

<p>"From where you started and where you are now, you make me so proud." He said. And Hinata's heart might've just stopped. "I'm so proud of you, Hinata."</p>

<p>It was like those words were echoing in his mind over and over. It felt weird for something like that to be said, but boy did it make the his eyes water.</p>

<p>"Oh god.." Hinata rubbed at his eyes again bashfully, but then frowned. "I'm so confused, oh geez.."</p>

<p>"Confused, eh? Confused about what? Talk to me, Hinata-"</p>

<p>"What we mean to eachother, dude. I-It's like.. Ugh, I don't know!" He groaned. "I think it's that we need to communicate, Kageyama. We need to communicate, we're missing a big chunk of our feelings."</p>

<p>"Okay.." Kageyama fixed his seating once more. Now ending up in front of Hinata. "Let's talk about our feelings, then." He gave a warm smile.</p>

<p>Hinata could feel himself awkwardly buffering. Moving so quickly, it was almost overwhelming but rather in somewhat of a relief. The closure he needed? The answer to all this drawn towards Kageyama.</p>

<p>He knew the exact words that he wanted to say, but his throat wouldn't catch on to what his vocal cords tried to produce. He somewhat stammered to speak.</p>

<p>The tip of his tongue was awaiting those words.</p>

<p>He could say it, he could say it.</p>

<p>"I like you."</p>

  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is the third to the last chapter im going to release ! ★´∀｀★ this story is probably going to be completed most likely two and a half weeks ! and then im going to get started on a kuroken story,, im rlly excited for that and i rlly hope u all stick around for it ! ヾ(ﾟ∀ﾟゞ)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. i like you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I like you."</p><p>With his lips quivering, those words were automatically spoken.</p><p>But, it wasn't the words didn't come from Hinata..</p><p>They came from Kageyama.</p><p>Just sitting in front of the ginger patiently for him to process the confession, Hinata was colored flustered. Clique of a red face and widened, surprised eyed. </p><p>"H-Huh???" Hinata stammered confusingly.</p><p>"Too soon? Did I say it too soon?" Kageyama rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, so yeah, I like you." He admitted once again.</p><p>"Woahwoahwoahwoah—" With flailing hands shaking themselves towards the setter, Hinata averts his eyes with a blink. "You like me? Are you sure??!"</p><p>"Are you uncomfortable?" The other asked.</p><p>"No! I'm not! I'm just really confused, man— it's j-just that we're both guys.." Hinata admits now slapping palms to his cheeks.</p><p>"..So you don't like me?"</p><p>"Bah! That's not what I'm saying, Kageyama!"</p><p>"So you DO like me, then?"</p><p>"Kageyama.." The ginger closed his eyes and lowered his head. With palms still pressed to those cheeks of his, the overwhelming situation caused him to groan quietly.</p><p>"Hinata if you don't like me back then that's oka—"</p><p>"Don't assume stuff, I'm just.. I need to process this, I needa get this through my head. I cant really handle this right now, this is way too much."</p><p>Hinata's feelings towards Kageyama? Ah, it was such a weird relationship that the both of them had. Very odd, yes, but the two of them were definitely something. </p><p>Recently, that tight feeling and the annoying pounding in chest, he always thought that was some side affect. But it wasn't until he realized that that experience would always happen whenever Kageyama would pop up. So.. Was this really the feeling of liking somebody? Can Hinata be sure? Can even Kageyama be sure?</p><p>"I'm in no way trying to pressure you, Hinata. You just wanted to talk about the both of out feelings and I just thought I should just.. Tell you what I feel." Kageyama commented. Hinata now creaked his lids ajar, peaking up to the brunet. Now playing with the bottom hem of his shirt.</p><p>"How can you be..." Hinata started, but his voice whispered to the point of becoming inaudible.</p><p>"Hm?" Kageyama hummed with a tilt closer to Hinata to hear better.</p><p>"How can you be sure?" Hinata asked louder. </p><p>And Kageyama grumbled, "I dunno, dude." He said embarrassingly. "Uhhh.. Pfff, I guess.. I just like being around you?" He shrugged awkwardly. "Like, I love it when you always ask me for tosses. And I always like how you always amaze me. You being happy makes me happy. So that's why I always wanna see you happy."</p><p>"You sound so cheesy, oh my god-" Hinata mumbled in a fluster.</p><p>"I always wanna see you happy. And so, I really want you to take care of yourself too." Kageyama said. </p><p>The sun was swallowing away by the ground, decaying that natural glow of sunlight. What a beautiful colored orange it painted the sky. It complimented the buildings. The trees.<br/>
But most importantly, it shadowed over Kageyama gorgeously.</p><p>Hinata groaned again. In widespread panic, he rubbed the side of his head. Wearing such distressed expression. "This is way too much, dude, this is way too much, Icanthandlethis ughh."</p><p>"If this is overwhelming you, I can stop. I don't want you to feel umcomfortable." Kageyama offered, placing a hand on the one upon Hinata's head.</p><p>It was abruptly slapped away.</p><p>"God- quit treating me like some little baby, godfuckingdamnit. Like, for fuck's sake, I'm not a little kid." Hinata barked, furiously daggering his eyes at the other. Who now scrunched up his face in utter confusion.</p><p>"I-I wasn't?" He said. "Don't overreact like that, dude. I'm not doing anything wrong." </p><p>"Screw you."</p><p>It was all happening so quick. Too quick.</p><p>"Hinata? Seriously? I'm not doing anything?"</p><p>Kageyama was right. He was in the absolute right. But for a reason unexplainable, Hinata was just infuriated. He felt embarrassed, humiliated. He wanted to apologize and agree..</p><p>"I'm feeling like you're pitying me, Kageyama!" </p><p>..but his lips wouldn't stop moving, he wouldn't stop talking. </p><p>"Okay, Hinata, I get it that you're going through something right now but that doesn't excuse you for yelling at me. It's an explanation, but not an excuse." Kageyama told him factually. </p><p>With a blink, Hinata embarrassing lowered his head. "You're right.. Fuck."</p><p>Was this really necessary, what am I doing?, Hinata thought.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Kageyama. I shouldn't have yelled at you.. I really didn't mean for that to happen." Hinata said remosfully, wiping at his nose. "That was really disgusting of me."</p><p>Kageyama just smiled, then ruffled his hair. "It's cool."</p><p>"Oh god.." Hinata's groaned. "Ohgodohgodohgod-"</p><p>"Hey, hey, what's wrong? Talk to me."</p><p>"I shouldn't have done that. I just yelled at you and you did nothing wrong.. I'm sorryimsorry—" He covered his face with his palms. "You're such a good person. I shouldn't deserve you. This doesn't make any sense.."</p><p>"What doesn't make sense, Hinata?"</p><p>"..Can I hug you Kageyama?"</p><p>Kageyama blinked in surprise at the question. A little tint of blush plastered itself to his cheeks as well. Hinata removed his hands and looked at him. It was so awkward, but somehow a tad comforting.</p><p>"Sure." Kageyama said, opening up his arms.</p><p>Embracing eachother, it was a little off to be within such a forced hug.. But after a while, with a little bit of shifting around and getting into more comfortable sitting positions. The hug felt rather nice.</p><p>"Kageyama.. I need help."</p><p>The other hummed, giving him a slight squeeze.</p><p>"I shouldn't be treating you like that. It isn't right of me. I'm sorry I did that to you." Hinata apologized once more.</p><p>"It's something you have to grow from, dude. Nobody can be perfect." Kageyama replied.</p><p>It felt so peaceful. With the brunet, that is. Especially in this hug. It was nice.</p><p>"Do you think that you'd want to get checked out at a doctors?" Kageyama asked.</p><p>Hinata shrugged at this. "No.. I'd honestly just want to get to nationals first and then go."</p><p>Kageyama held his breath then turned to the other side to sigh. "Come on, Hinata, really?"</p><p>"What? I can still play?"</p><p>Popping his chin to Hinata's hair, he shook his head. "I'm begging you.. Just please go to the hospital. I cant stand to see you like this."</p><p>Again. Tightness in his chest.</p><p>But it was saddening to hear him say that. It literally tore him apart inside.. To how much worry Kageyama probably had to deal with. And.. All.. Because of Hinata.</p><p>Slowly and gently pulling away from the wrapped arms, he got up.</p><p>"Don't worry about me, Kageyama." He smiled down at the brunet.</p>

<p>"But Hina-"</p><p>"I-I'm going home," Hinata frantically forced himself on his bike, quickly getting onto pedeling.</p><p>Kageyama called after him, of course, but Hinata used every bit of that little energy to get out of the park.</p><p>He had expected the other to start running after him, more or so wanted him to, but come to his surprise, nobody was behind him. He only looked back for a glance, but there wasn't his fellow volleyball player behind him. </p><p>Kageyama wasn't following him.</p><p>He felt like an absolute idiot. So desperate for the person you just yelled at and cussed at to come back to you? So self centered, he thought pathetically of himself. </p><p>He wiped away the gross snot and tears from his face, choking up a sob. Just pedal. Just keep pedalling and it won't hurt any more. It'll all go away, if you just. Keep. Keep..</p><p>"Fuck." Hinata gripped the handles. Already nearing the small bridge.</p><p>"Goddammit.. Ugh.." His legs slowed down, already parking himself by the cornering grass.</p><p>Crying? Ah, how predictable. Quite pathetic if you think about it, hm? Hinata rubbed away at his eyes. Holding back those sobs didn't do him anything, because he was already bawling.</p><p>Fucking up a beautiful moment like that? Not taking account of Kageyama's feelings? Hinata felt hopeless now.</p><p>He didn't expect today to turn out like this.</p><p>How weird.</p><p>—</p><p>They didn't talk to eachother the next day. They remained a noticeable distance and didn't spare any glances towards each other. </p><p>With Hinata still being temporarily banned from practice, that day, Hinata didn't watch the practices from the window. He actually went home right after the final bell. And needless to say everybody was surprised. Even Kageyama who released a scoff when he peaked at the window and saw nobody. Or when he went outside at break and found nothing but the concrete and grass.</p><p>Two days swung by, and by now, not only has the whole club noticed the change of vibe from both Kageyama and Hinata, but as well as students and teachers. </p><p>Another two days swung by, and coach now was debating his choices. Kageyama still wasn't setting properly and looks as though that bitter motivation was detiorating. He even tried to talk to him, asking him if this was about Hinata, but nobody how hard he pried, there wasn't an answer.</p><p>The whole mood upon the club was destroyed at this point. Confusion lured everybody and they questioned.</p><p>So coach made the risky decision of asking Hinata to return.</p><p>And forth, the next day, Hinata was there. Looking worse as ever. Pure bones, entire trembling, bruises, layering eye bags, and all the effort wasted.</p><p>Passing and spikes haven't been successful for either or. No quick attacks were tossed for the duo, there wasn't anything peaking of their talents. They both just seemed.. Numbed.</p><p>"Alright! Break!" Coach called out.</p><p>Hinata grabbed his water bottle and made steps to the door. Fresh air was probably what he needs most. So he plopped himself out, taking small sips of the water in exhaustion.</p><p>But soon after, another shuffle came next to him. Oh you could guess who it'd possibly be.</p><p>"Hey Hinata." Kageyama said nonchalant, taking a swig of his water. Hinata inched himself a tad away out of pure humiliation.</p><p>"Go away."</p><p>"Still an asshole as ever, should've expected."</p><p>"Fuck you."</p><p>Despite such aggressive words, no tone was invited into the conversation. Just pure monotone spoken statements.</p><p>Hinata felt like crying. Felt like apologizing more, but what a stupid little thing pride is. So instead, with another sip from his water, that scooting away soon became walking away. Walking towards the spacious side of the gym building.</p><p>Kageyama followed silently. And unlike last time, Hinata didn't want him to follow.</p><p>"Can you not?" Hinata scoffed when he noticed him by his side again.</p><p>"I just wanna talk, Hinata." The other insisted.</p><p>"I really don't want to do this right now. Please."</p><p>Kageyama hummed as a response, then pressed the back of his head to the grainy wall.</p><p>"Did coach ask you to come back?" He asked lowly.</p><p>Hinata sighed. "Yeah."</p><p>"You know you shouldn't be playing."</p><p>"Like you know anything.. I'm fine."</p><p>Another beat of silent wind. This is so uncomfortable.</p><p>"You say that yet, you're dying." Kageyama exhaled.</p><p>That pricked the ears of Hinata's, who now turned over to the brunet.</p><p>"When is this gonna end, Hinata? Why do you keep doing this to yourself, dude.." Kageyama muttered.</p><p>"I'm going to nationals, Kageyama. The whole team is." Hinata sparked. "You're just mad that I rejected you, huh??"</p><p>Word vomit. Such idiotic word vomit.</p><p>"See.. It's always about nationals, isn't it? You don't even care if you die?" He glanced over to him. Hinata winced. Continuing, Kageyama murmured, "I don't care about nationals right now. I don't care about volleyball. All I care about is you. And you actually living. Not forcing yourself."</p><p>"Can you stop with this?? You don't know anything! I can function perfectly normal!"</p><p>Kageyama shook his slowly. As a way of dismissing that statement. "Why do we always have to fight, Hinata. Why can't you just agree with me.. You know I'm right."</p><p>He is, Hinata thought.</p><p>Stupid pride.</p><p>"You think you're so better than me. Like I always need to depend on you to keep myself sane?? Are you seriously that FUCKING conceited with yourself!!"</p><p>"Hinata I'm not-"</p><p>"Why did you have to meet me, dammit." Tears already flowing out from his lids, Hinata wiped at them angrily. Frustrated with how wrong everything was going. "I'm so selfish, dude. And yet, you still accept that part and try to reason with me. How the hell can you trust somebody that much?? How can you be so good?.." He cried.</p><p>"Hinata.."</p><p>"I never should be met you!" With a light shove, Hinata pressed those weak hands at Kageyama's torso. But it didn't cause anything impact unsurprisingly, and Kageyama didn't budge. Only just a slight stumble but he was able to catch footing once more. "I'm a terrible person compared to you."</p><p>"Hinata-"</p><p>"I-It would've been better if we've never should have met!" Sobbing loudly, probably alerting the subjects within the gym, Hinata pressed away from Kageyama.</p><p>"I don't hate you, Kageyama. You've been nothing but good to me, but I've been an ass to you!! I don't want you to be hurt! I don't want to die anymore!" He wavered in his footing. "I just.. I-I ju.."</p><p>With a wind's devilish push, Hinata's body wobbled. His eyes flickered weakly until just shutting close. Just the lost of the gripping ground and that body crashed to the grass.</p><p>—</p><p>Hinata didn't plan on living so painfully.</p>

<p>He never wanted to become so sick.</p>

<p>He wanted to walk again. He wanted to brush his hair without struggling to get clumps out. He wanted to have that disgusting, dry taste out of his mouth. Hinata didn't always want to be on the verge on passing out.. He just wanted to be happy.</p>

<p>He wanted to be a good volleyball player. The need and greed for becoming better, or shining through at the end of the day, he never got that.</p>

<p>He wasn't able to fully enjoy after-practice pork buns with his teammates without worrying about the number of calories. He wasn't able to stand correctly. Not even walk correctly. It all made him dizzy. It all hurt.</p>

<p>Hinata was never able to, fully, enjoy himself. He never got that.</p>

<p>And now, with a feeding tube down his throat, he lied in bed with that continuous beeping at his side. He couldn't move. Any inch of movement caused an ache. Hell, this was even worse than getting out of bed in the morning.</p>

<p>He didn't remember much, but he did remember some petrified shouting before an ambulance. Passing out right after, soon he was in a hospital bed. He could remember just waking up, everything usually hurting, and soon enough after he had refused to eat the yogurt the doctors gave him, he ended up with the feeding tube down his throat.</p>

<p>Mom was also there. She was crying, but Hinata couldn't feel an ounce of emotion. All he saw were tears, and all he heard were sad words. He expected them to hurt him like his body, but no matter what he just closed his eyes until she was done. He felt shitty feeling that way, but in the end, he just forgot and dazed out.</p>

<p>Maybe it was two days since he's been there, and there wasn't much of a significant difference in atmosphere. He still felt greasy and gross, mouth tasted absolutely terrible, the feeding tube still hurt as fuck, mom still crying, but hey, he could finally sit up.</p>

<p>The doctors encouraged him all the way. It didn't really help when his spine all clad in green bruises. Not to mention, they were annoying. Then he had his blood taken. The prick was lazy and didn't hurt, which was quite underwelming in his opinion. He just kept remembering him all the way through.</p>

<p>Y'know.. within the first night staying there, he was terrified. Not being able to move with the mix of the TV glitching on and off eerily wasn't a good mix. Even worse was when his mom, unfortunately, couldn't be there with him. She had to stay with Natsu, continuing to hide the fact that her brother was dying in some shitty hospital bed.</p>

<p>Hinata was scared at nights. Even though sleep didn't come well, the nightmares were still a huge ordeal. It was cold, the bed not very pleasing, and he missed the sun. But, in the times like this.. Sometimes he'd always have thoughts of him.</p>

<p>There was always the one thought of him. 
Hinata always had his words whispering over and over again as if to guide him away from the beeping heart moniter. A way to calm him. He could still remember the hug they had shared. How awkward yet comforting it was made to be.<br/>
Just thinking about him made him frown.</p>

<p>He really never should have met him.</p>

  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. i want some pork buns</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>recovery :)<br/>btw slight manga spoilers towards the end</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i need a bad bleep uh addison ray lil sharty the baddest</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Unfortunately, the doctors are checking in with him right now. So it may be a while until you are able to visit."</p><p>"Alright. Thank you very much." Coach Ukai nodded understandingly with a bow to the nurse. Then he walked back to the lobby of chairs. The rest of the team gathered there out of concern of Hinata.</p><p>Seven days since Hinata had been hospitalized, and only a week away until official games were supposed to start up.</p><p>It had already been so hectic with all that had been going on. There wasn't much groove in the team's practices at this point. Everybody was still shaken up and worried as hell. Especially Kageyama..</p><p>When Hinata had passed out on the floor, the brunet was able to save the ginger's head from colliding to the concrete. He screamed for the team with absolutely terror-stricken, wide eyes. Calling out for them, every body came clustering to the gym doors. Ambulance were called immediately, and Hinata was taken away in the vehicle. Kageyama pleaded to be put on the ambulance alongside Hinata, but was refused as for he wasn't necessary. Everyone distressed, even students with other after school activities who were alarmed by the sounds of the ambulance.</p><p>Kageyama didn't go to school the next day, he arrived at the hospital and continuously asked the doctors to be able to visit, but due to his unknown specification and the fact Hinata was unstable, he wasn't allowed. That didn't stop him, as he waited there all day until later in the afternoon his own team mates showed up along with the coaches. Still, they weren't allowed in.</p><p>The next day, Kageyama came again, continuing to ask to enter the room. And, again, he was dismissed. This had continued for a week or so, going to school to finish assignments only to race to the hospital then go home when visiting hours were over. Even if he couldn't see Hinata, he just waited at the lobby. And today, being a Saturday, everybody from the team arrived at the hospital. Gloomy it was in the atmosphere, quite tense as well. Some tried to engage in conversation but it always ended up dying off. There really wasn't much light for talking anyways.</p><p>Coach headed to the group of teenagers, eager for the response from the nurse.</p><p>"She said we can visit but in small numbers, so we'll have to be grouped up because if all of us went in at the same time, he'd most likely be overwhelmed." Coach said, to a response everybody nodded.</p><p>"Is he okay, though??" Tanaka asked, getting up from his seat.</p><p>Ukai shrugged, "Ah.. I caught a small glimpse of him sitting up.. So, maybe?"</p><p>Everybody nodded. Ukai spoke again, "Er.. Right now, he isn't talking so we're going to have to make one-sided conversation. He can lift up a finger for no, and two for yes."</p><p>Kageyama glanced to Hinata's room. Room 116. Same room since the day before. And that day before. And so on. Always being ajar open but never enough to get a glance of Hinata. He still can't process this. He still can't believe that Hinata is in a hospital.</p><p>"He can't speak?" Daichi questioned worriedly.</p><p>"L-Like, he's n-no longer able to or is it just temporary??" Yachi was already rubbing at her reddened eyes.</p><p>"No, no, the doctors aren't finding anything wrong with his vocal chords." Sensai responded.</p><p>"So he can speak?" Noya asked, anxiously chewing on his nails.</p><p>"Well.. Ah." Coach hummed. "With a feeding tube, patients are usually able to talk. But.. Hinata just.. isn't. Nurses aren't finding any problem with the placement of the tube or anything so they believe Hinata decided on his own to not speak."</p><p>"Feeding tube? What's a f-feeding tube?" Yamguchi asked with widened eyes.</p><p>"It's where you have this tube going from inside your nose all the way down to your stomach to feed you.." Tsukki informed quietly.</p><p>"The nurse told me he hasn't said a word since he's gotten here, so.. he's probably gone mute." Sensai commented.</p><p>Kageyama rubbed his eyes.</p><p>Everybody else nodded, giving their respect of understanding the situation.</p><p>"Also, another thing before you guys talk to him." Coach said. "Do not mention about anything with volleyball or nationals. Neither with food. He is way too unstable for that."</p><p>With everybody standing around coach, Kageyama was the only one sitting at his chair. Still staring at room 116, he fumbled with his hands. </p><p>Ah.. That's right. With Hinata being in the hospital, he wouldn't be able to play at the games. Kageyama didn't really give any thought about nationals at a time like this, where Hinata was in a life-or-death situation, but he totally forgot that with Hinata hospitalized.. He's unable to participate in the games.</p><p>Hinata went through all that.. Living so tiredly.</p><p>"He's ready." A nurse stepped out from the room, calling over to the group. </p><p>Everyone separated into groups, they all made their fair share of attempting to talk to Hinata. Kageyama was hidden away from the entrance of the door. Stressingly picking at his nails.<br/>
All engaging in soft spoken conversation, the groups used light topics to talk about. Such as, for example, Tanaka babbling about how he got a 45 on a pop quiz for some comedic relief, or how Daichi commented about how Asahi tried saving a cat off the rode but ended up getting scratched by it. All simple and wholesome stories followed by small questions. It was enough for company.</p><p>They all communicated until Hinata stopped responding with his fingers. It was confusing at first, when the group talking didn't see the one or two finger lift up. They even repeated a question, but no response. Inferring that Hinata was now done with the conversation. Leaving quite cold, but the groups respected that.</p><p>It was down to the last group of Tsukki, Yamguchi, and Yachi. And Kageyama was waiting at the door frame. Peeking in, through the three other people, he saw Hinata. Hinata...</p><p>It felt so good to see him again, yes, it was a refilling fresh breath of air. But, the sight made him want to cry.</p><p>There were so many wires upon that fatigue body of his. With him sitting up and against the bed frame, that hospital gown was loosely hung on his shoulders. Those collorbones of his popped out, and he hasn't seen his bones so deathly skinny. He could just weep for his health at the sight. </p><p>Hinata was looking up at the three with a faint smile. Barely even curling his lips upwards, it looked so forced. </p><p>Kageyama stared, lips quivering.</p><p>It didn't even look like him. </p><p>Although, when the question of Yamaguchi's was ignored with no movement of his finger, the three soon understood their way to the door. They gave their goodbyes and Hinata waved shortly after. Smile disappearing right when they had turned away. With wandering eyes, the shorter's glance soon trailed off. Unexpectedly, they glided towards the door, to where he saw Kageyama standing.</p><p>The both of them blinked when catching eachother's eyes. </p><p>Despite not speaking throughout his entire stay, Hinata soon raised his arms upwards. Opening them out in the direction of the brunet.</p><p>"Ka.." The voice was hoarse. Shaky. Scratchy.<br/>
But it was still Hinata.</p><p>"K-Kageyama.." Hinata called out in a croak, arms still out.</p><p>Kageyama seeing the invitation for an oh-so needed embrace, he quickly scampered over. Passing by the three who made their way out the door, Kageyama soon wrapped his arms delicately around Hinata. The ginger hooked his limbs around his neck whilst the other made sure to be as gentle as possible with the hug.</p><p>His words being lost, Kageyama couldnt even speak or even begin to how good it was to see him. How good it felt to even be able to touch him. </p><p>"Kageyama.." Hinata whispered again, cracking in the process. With his chin being propped onto the brunet's shoulder, he heard a small sniffle.</p><p>"I missed you so much, Hinata." Kageyama murmured finally. </p><p>The embrace lasted a while, Kageyama didn't mind. At one point he tried pulling away because he wanted to see the other's face, but he was squeezed back into staying. Kageyama slowly pressed himself onto the edge of the bed so he wasn't leaning over uncomfortably.</p><p>"Kageyama.." Hinata repeated again, breathily.  </p><p>Kageyama chuckled, "It feels so good to see you."</p><p>"Mhmm." Hinata nodded with a hum.</p><p>Slowly untangling themselves, they released their embrace. Finally lookin at each other, Kageyama smiled. With an expression coated with such relief, Hinata was in tired awe just staring at the other. That small smile was still on him, but it grew a tad.</p><p>"Kageyama.." He uttered once more, tears still rolling off his cheeks.</p><p>With a slow hand, Kageyama cupped one cheek to slowly wipe off some tears with his thumb. "It's okay. You're okay." He assured him. Hinata lifted his hands, then slowly wrapped them around forearm of the other's. </p><p>"How are you holding up, Hinata? You feeling okay?" Kageyama asked.</p><p>"I'm okay.. Everything is still kinda hurting, but I'm okay." Hinata raspy responded unexpectedly. Unlike his unspoken finger lifts with the others, Kageyama was the only one who received vocal answers.</p><p>Kageyama exhaled, hanging his head for a second before lifting it up again. Just to stare at Hinata, and vise versa.</p><p>"My throat hurts so fucking bad though." Hinata hummed to add on.</p><p>Kageyama just laughed through his nose. "I'm so glad that you're still here."</p><p>The other nodded, "So how is practice going?"</p><p>Kageyama winced slightly at the question. "Ah.. er." He didn't know if it was a safe go to answer it. Didn't matter if practices were scarcely scheduled and ignored, with the mention of volleyball in general was a dangerous going.</p><p>"I know that you guys are t-tryna not talk about it to make me feel better." Hinata spoke up. "I'm not stupid. Just a little annoyed."</p><p>"Ah.. Were they that obvious?"</p><p>"Pfff.. I mean, yeah, I'm pretty sure. But I don't mind. I already know that I won't be able to go to nationals at this point.." Hinata admitted with a shrug.</p><p>Kageyama frowned. Taking it so well, not like the stubborn Hinata he knew. </p><p>"G-Ga.." He cleared his throat. "Games are supposed to be next week and the doctors say that my body keeps refusing the food so.. There's no chance, at all, at me playing." With a nervous smile, he averted his gaze. Now over to the window that was opened. His eyes watered a bit.</p><p>"I never even got to play.." He sighed, rubbing his eyes quickly.</p><p>Sympathy was the only thing Kageyama could offer to Hinata. Squeezing his hand gently before bringing him into another hug, where the ginger dipped his face into the collarbone of Kageyama.</p><p>"I'm always here if you need anything, Hinata. No matter what, you've come so far and you're not stopping now. You're gonna do amazing things, I promise you it.." The brunet rubbed the back of his hair soothingly. "Once you get out of here, let's go somewhere fun, m'kay?"</p><p>"Somewhere fun? Ew, since when have you done anything fun?" Hinata chuckled before a sniffle.</p><p>"I won't hesitate to headbutt you, Hinata." Kageyama warned playfully before he pressed his forehead to the other's.</p><p>"Soo.. Where would we go Mr. Fun-guy?" The ginger joked. </p><p>"Ah.. Let's see.." Kageyama hummed, running his fingers through his hair, moving to a different spot whenever he struck a knot. "There's always the movies.. Festivals.. I'm pretty sure there might be a festival at a nearby shrine."</p><p>"Borrinng.." Hinata smiled.</p><p>"Okay. Soo, maybe the park, or the grocery market, or my house?-"</p><p>"Y-Your house??" Hinata muffled his giggle with his palm, moving away from Kageyama's forehead. He was blushing, which made Kageyama flush up.</p><p>"Bah! I-I don't mean that in a weird way, idiot! Shutup!" He yapped.</p><p>Hinata flubbed his hands at the shoulders of the other, clutching to them as he laughed. </p><p>"Grocery market? Your house? What are we an old married couple." He guffawed.&lt; br/&gt;
He hasn't laughed in so long. Finally experiencing emotions after all this time.. It felt good. God, it felt amazing. </p><p>Kageyama seeing Hinata with his huge, stupid smile made him so.. Relieved. He hasn't heard that laugh for so long.</p><p>"You're so pretty when you smile.." He mumbled in a whisper.<br/>
Hinata paused quickly and shot his eyes to the other. Catching him by surprise as well.</p><p>And here come the red faces yet again.</p><p>Kageyama cleared his throat before anything else, switching up the situation quickly. "E-Er, okay, um, so where do you want to go to after you get released from the hospital?" he asked.</p><p>With a shrug, Hinata grinned to the floor, "I wanna go to an amusement park with you." He said sheepishly. </p><p>I really do love his smile, Kageyama thought.<br/>
"Alright. Then we'll go to the amusement park. That's a promise."</p><p>—</p><p>"This movie is dumb."</p><p>"ShHhh this is the part that I was talking about, shuddup! The CGI is ass right here—"</p><p>Shifting around in his chair, Kageyama rolled his eyes. He propped his elbows onto the edge of the bed where Hinata lay. Tired lids barely even keeping up at the small screen.</p><p>The hospital had a selection of movies to choose from. But despite that, with all the glitches and static play.. There really wasn't much to see. And that comes to truth when the TV glitches to the grey static. The remenent of whatever playing soon disintegrated into blank noise.</p><p>Hinaga released a disappointed sigh. And Kageyama frowned. Who then took the remote to lower the volume so that he didn't have to hear it. He already knew that Hinata had to deal with the horrible WiFi connection during the night as his only way of filling the space, so he wouldn't want him to hear that in the middle of the day.</p><p>"How's practice going with the club?" Hinata asked.</p><p>Kageyama bit his lip, "I don't know. Haven't been going." He admitted, placing the remote back down to the table.</p><p>Hinata squinted. "Kageyama.." He groaned.</p><p>"I've been coming straight here this whole time! I don't wanna go to practice when I know that you're here waiting for me."</p><p>"I still want you guys to go to nationals, though. You gotta defeat the great king." Hinata said, turning to him.</p><p>Was it even still possible for the team to go on without Hinata? Kageyama pondered. He didn't feel so comfortable playing without Hinata. Just.. Felt off without him. Especially since he was in the hospital.</p><p>"Kageyama." Hinata sternly uttered. "Don't you be thinking that you're gonna ditch out on the games. I know you're stupid but you're not that stupid!" He pointed a finger at him.</p><p>"I'm not! I'm still gonna kick all their asses!" He replied confidently.</p><p>"Good! You better!!" He smiled.</p><p>With a slight knock to the door, the two paused to look at the entrance way, where a nurse creaked the door open. "4'aclock, Hinata." She informed.</p><p>Kageyama lifted a brow, confusingly turning to Hinata, "What does that mean? Are they changing the visit hours now?"</p><p>"No, it's not that." Hinata exhaled deeply, before beginning to adjust himself to a sitting position. Kageyama helping in the process. "The doctors said that I had to get extra feedings."</p><p>"Extra feedings?" Kageyama questioned. "Huh? Why?"</p><p>"Ah.. It's just, I dunno. My body is being dumb. It's not really taking the food and breaking it down correctly, I guess. It's rejecting it basically." Hinata admitted, his nervous smile slowly disappearing.</p><p>With a frown, Kageyama rubbed his neck. "Oh." Was all he had to reply with.<br/>
This was where he needed to be patient and reasonable with Hinata. He had to think before he said. Never did he want to say the wrong thing and then upset him. </p><p>"I understand." He added in before he stepped aside to let the nurse by. But his wrist was caught.</p><p>Turning around, he saw Hinata clutching to his hand. Scared eyes stabbing onto him, they pleaded.</p><p>"Don't go." He said. "Can you stay here? I don't gag anymore when they do the feeding."</p><p>Kageyama blinked. Turned over to the nurse then back to Hinata. Before he took a spot against the wall alongside the bed. </p><p>A thankful smile was plastered to his face. Then the nurse did what necessary. Hinata made small throat noises, but it wasn't anything that Kageyama felt uncomfortable with. He did feel like crying, but the situation was something he was growing accustomed to by now. </p><p>Once that was done, the nurse left and Hinata dragged himself back into his lying position. Covering himself with the blankets. </p><p>"Gross. I fucking hate that." Hinata cringed.</p><p>Kageyama pressed his fingers into his hair, which he had carefully combed earlier. No knots found, he was able to run through the orange frizziness.</p><p>"I'm here for you, dude. Not a lot of people can go through with this, y'know? You're really strong for being able to do it. I'm proud of you." Kageyama comforted.</p><p>Hinata was quiet. And he hasn't responded for a beat of silence. That was when Kageyama looked down and saw the red tint of the ginger's face. He blinked then dipped down, back into his chair, he poked at his forehead.</p><p>"What? Did I say something weird? Was that too weird??"</p><p>"No, it wasn't. You're fine—" Hinata nervously smiled, prodding away the finger before entangling his hands with his. </p><p>Hand holding.<br/>
It was a common thing with the two nowadays. Maybe it begun when Hinata had been anxious, but then soon leveled down to just random moments. </p><p>Explanation being unknown, but to Hinata, he felt the most comfortable and the most safe whenever he was with Kageyama. The hand holding was a bonus, and perhaps something that the two of them decided to do without words. As clique to be, an unspoken communication was the best to describe this.</p><p>Hinata still thinks a lot about Kageyama's confession, and how the two of them still haven't discussed on that matter since Hinata's hospitalization. </p><p>"Hey Kageyama?" Hinata murmured.</p><p>Kageyama squeezed his hand lightly, humming, "Hm?"</p><p>"You remember how you said that you liked me?"</p><p>Kageyama froze up the very second, until nodding. "Yeah."</p><p>"Can you wait for me?" Hinata asked. His eyes were fixated at their hands. "M-My answer, I mean. I really want to think about my feelings. And I don't want to hurt you. I know I'm kinda asking a lot here, but.. I don't think I'm able to be in a relationship when I'm like this so.. Please. Please wait for me."</p><p>Rolling onto his side, he got better view of their hands. Slowly rolling his thumb over his. "I'm sorry about the way I had acted before. I didn't consider your feelings, and I was terrible. But I know that I don't want to let go of your hand. You mean a lot to me, I don't wanna lose you."</p><p>Hinata was always so weird.<br/>
So unexpected.<br/>
Maybe that's why he liked him. </p><p>"Alright." Kageyama nodded. Finally getting a glimpse of Hinata. "I'll keep holding onto your hand for as long as it takes." He said. "When you get out of the hospital and get to see the team beating Oikawa and Shiratorizawa, all the while, you'll be with me."</p><p>Hinata grinned. Tired and exhausted, but the effort was clear as day. "Yeah.." He smiled.</p><p>—</p><p>Kageyama thought that the two of them were doing good.<br/>
That their routine was working fine.</p><p>Kageyama woke up, went to school, went to the club, visited Hinata, and went home. No matter how long the practice, or how worn out he was, he still wanted to see Hinata.</p><p>Sometimes he'd get scolded by the ginger for being a tad reckless at going out of his way just to see him after every day, but he didn't mind. He didn't care if he was tired, he couldn't go a day without checking up on the guy.</p><p>On the other hand, Hinata did practically nothing all day.</p><p>The TV sucked, the feedings sucked AND hurt like a bitch, the doctors still annoying, he felt bad about Kageyama going out of his way to see him but it did feel nice to hug him and hold his hand.</p><p>Sometimes he'd get bad thoughts about his weight or whether or not the treatment is worth it. He had his doubts, but he didn't want to continue to live the way he does. He was beginning his very first step of recovery with wary hesitation. But it was better than nothing, of course.</p><p>Hinata thought he was doing good.</p><p>Kageyama was able to help him get into a wheelchair and they were able to go outside. Enjoy the wind. Lightly toss around a volleyball. Hinata even got close enough to even stand. Although, it wasn't at all perfect and he immediately pressed back down to the wheelchair, it was a good start. All of this were signs of improvement.</p><p>But then, through accident, he found out that he gained five pounds.</p><p>Now, he did his best to keep himself calm, he really did, but he had forgotten how overwhelming the problem was with the feedings. He never knew the amount of calories. He found that frustrating. </p><p>Before, Kageyama made him forget about the whole situation with his weight and overall health, but the second he heard the doctor tell him he was finally able to gain weight, he lost it.</p><p>Despite the doctor thinking he was in the right place to be telling him so positively, as if it were a good thing (don't get him wrong, it was, but wasn't the right time). The instability of Hinata really drove him off.</p><p>What an idiot. Fucking idiot.</p><p>That night, he cried.<br/>
He held Kageyama's hand tightly and refused to speak. Refused to look at him.</p><p>He felt so disgusted.</p><p>He met with the psychologist during the day, but refused to speak. And just when he was getting comfortable speaking to somebody other than Kageyama.</p><p>Kageyama was worried now. Pissed at the doctor especially. But he was calm and patient with Hinata. Consoling Hinata whenever needed.</p><p>It was just two days before the volleyball matches, and Kageyama was on his usual direction towards room 116. Hinata's room. He took the usual right turn, headed down the long hallway, went through the doors, passed the lobby chairs, but when he got to the room.. It was empty.</p><p>Kageyama confused, he quickly speedwalked down to the cafeteria where it lead out to the garden. All the while, he tried finding that usual blotch of orange with his iv stand.</p><p>He couldn't see him, he didn't find him.</p><p>That's when he had asked the people at the front, asking them if he was transferred to another room or something. But they said he was taken to another treatment center.</p><p>He wanted to cuss at them. Shout, yell, get angry. But thinking rationally, he kept calm. Getting mad will get him nowhere. So he tried asking if there was a location he could go to, but the information was not properly set into the files yet.</p><p>Goddammit.&lt; br/&gt;
God fucking dammit.</p><p>Hinata hadn't been doing well lately. When hearing about his improvement in weight untimely, he completely stopped talking. All he really did was hold his hand and cry.</p><p>Kageyama tried getting him to talk but the most he'd do in return was squeeze his hand.</p><p>He was worried, but he could understand where Hinata was coming from. How hard it could be be with his disorder. So he wanted to give him all the time he needed.</p><p>But, now, Kageyama not finding him, he just prayed that he was safe.</p><p>In the meantime, he was able to keep himself calm and continue at school. School work and volleyball practice. He was up and at it when perfect sets. He kept in mind that all of this was for Hinata. That he was going to go to nationals for himself, yes, but for Hinata too.</p><p>He soon found out that Hinata had been transferred to an eating disorder home for treatment.</p><p>Hinata didn't use his phone at the hospital, but  after his last practice, he found a message plopped on his screen that night. He was surprised and the most relieved when he saw the kanji of Hinata's name as the sender.</p><p>" really srry but im safe :) at a eating disorder house n not gonna be able to use my phone,, do ur best at the games thank u for everthing ps tell the guys i said hi "<br/>
There was also an attachment of a Shiba gif sent. Such a Hinata thing to do, it made him smile.</p><p>He responded of course but the message being sent over two hours ago, it didn't get read. Understandable. But with that being done, tomorrow was the matches. And Kageyama and the team will go to nationals. It was all for him.</p><p>—</p><p>The treatment center was definitely a rollercoaster of am experience.</p><p>With other people being placed with Hinata, sharing such similar stories, he felt a little more comfortable. Hardly speaking, besides at scarce times with the comfort circle, he definitely went mute again.</p><p>The people he met sometimes didn't fully commit to recovery like Hinata was trying to, such as attempting to excercise despite there being no doors, sneak food away, and just whatever other schemes they had. That being said, it really made Hinata not be able to be able to go through with this.</p><p>He felt empty. The whole house mad him feel so nauseous. And he wasn't getting any better and the workers threatened him that he might have to get back to the hospital, which didn't feel any better. He just wanted to leave already.</p><p>There was even a time where Hinata had attempted to run away from the house. But he was caught by one of the workers shortly after.</p><p>Soon enough, he needed an iv stand once more. And he distanced himself with the other patients at the house. The workers there were pushy at his boundaries which caused him to go into a full episode where he was sobbing on the floor clutching at his ribcage. He didn't really remember it, but it was where he started screaming out what the other patients have been doing in secret.</p><p>The other kids didn't particularly enjoy his presence there since forth, then Hinata became more overwhelmed than he already was. The friends that he had managed to make seemed a tad awkward around him, and all of this just made him miss Kageyama's warm hug more.</p><p>And when Hinata was able to change the TV channel since everybody in the living room decided to leave when he got there, he was able to find his desired channel. It would most likely be around the time where nationals had been starting, if he was correct.</p><p>He tried seeing the black and orange uniforms anywhere, tried to hear the show narrators to mention 'Karasuno'. But..</p><p>"I don't see you guys on TV.." He sighed to nobody. The living room was quiet.</p><p>This being said and done, Hinata was transferred to a different treatment home. It was farther out, about an hour drive. But there, that was when recovery really felt beautiful to him.</p><p>Everything was taken slow and comfortably. Unlike the mistreatment at the other house. Not much patients his age, but he still worked with it. He even managed to finish half a meal through heavy tears. The workers congratulated him, which felt absolutely lifting. He met good people there. Security was mandatory and not many people were trying to get sneaky. So, there, was much better.</p><p>But, it was definitely long and drug out. And there wasn't a single day where Hinata didn't thing about Kageyama.</p><p>He finally started talking again. The comfort circle was the root of it, and he admitted that he may think he was gay. His shoulders felt light. He questioned his sexuality, and finally being able to come to terms with it and his feelings, it felt good.</p><p>Numbers and weight wasn't ever something talked about there, so Hinata hardly even questioned. He'd have small episodes, but with every one they always deemed to shorten. That felt good.</p><p>And finally, with his health being confirmed to be at a perfect average, that was when he was able to pack up his things, he had said goodbye to all the people he had met, got some contact info, and his mom picked him up.</p><p>By now, this is where the new school year would probably be near. He spent so long getting help, and he had to agree that he felt as though it was worth it. He finally fit better into his clothes, and that usual dizziness and pain in his body has practically gone away.</p><p>With his first day being back from the houses, he spent the day watching movies with his sister and his mom. Spending quality time that felt really needed.</p><p>And so the next day after, at around midnight, he had texted Kageyama that he was back.</p><p>Kageyama went through with the games. And having the disappointment strike his gut always made him upset. But nevertheless, he just continued with school, practiced volleyball whenever, and watched the third years graduate. He missed Hinata all the while and hoped that he was doing well. He was so abruptly cut off to get into treatment, he missed him.</p><p>And once he got that text, from Hinata. The Hinata that he thought about everyday since he left, he couldn't help but stand starstruck just looking at the message to meet him down at the park.</p><p>Running over to the destination in a flash, he saw Hinata. He saw his fluffy curls of orange, that grey sweater he gave him at the hospital awhile back, and a smile on that face.</p><p>Kageyama was crying just looking at him. And the closer he ran to him, the more his arms stretched outwards. Hinata sprung to him, wrapping arms tightly around him.</p><p>Kageyama held him close, burying his face into the field of his hair, sobbing quietly. Hinata pressed into his chest, taking the tranquil whiff of Kageyama's scent. Vise versa with the brunet.</p><p>Clambered on the grass at such a late time of night, the two only cried in each other's hold. The emptiness that sat patiently was finally filled. The tenderness and the love that loomed in eachother's angel breath was enough for the moon to even ponder.</p><p>Swiftly, Hinaga searched for the hands of Kageyama's frantically. The brunet pulled away from the hug, cupping both sides of Hinata's face.</p><p>He missed his face. Despite missing him so longingly, he never forgot how beautiful he was. Even when he was crying.</p><p>Firstly, whiping off his own tears before smearing away Hinata's, he kept that big grin on.</p><p>"I wanna kiss you, can I please kiss you?" He asked in the alluring moment.</p><p>Hinata smiled, pressing his palms to Kageyama's that laid on his cheeks, "I love you, Kageyama."</p><p>The moment was beautiful.&lt; br/&gt;
Never had Hinata kissed somebody, and for it being his first time, he was never to expect Kageyama. But, with lips touching lightly, he was up in the angelic clouds, melting.</p><p>Pulling away, the two of them sat in small silence, enjoying how the moon complimented a shine over the trees around the park.</p><p>"Thank you for waiting for me." Hinata smiled.</p><p>Sinking his fingers into Hinata's curls, they massaged nicely in the process. "I missed you."</p><p>"I thought about you everyday." Hinata said.</p><p>Wrapping his arms around the ginger again, he squeezed gently, "Me too, Hinata, me too."</p><p>Closing his eyes, he sunk at the warmth. He felt safe.</p><p>"Are you happy?" Kageyama asked.</p><p>With a small sigh, he shrugged. "I'm better." The other replied.</p><p>He still had a lot of room to grow, especially. But he knew that he was going to get better. He was strong enough after all this time so he knew he could keep going.</p><p>"I wanna be your boyfriend, Kageyama." Hinata whispered, drifting his fingers over his hands. "I can't thank you enough for all you've done. You're really amazing. I finally feel like a person." He admits with a grin.</p><p>He felt Kageyama press a kiss to his forehead, before pecking his lips once more. "You saying that makes me so happy.." He exhaled. "I love you."</p><p>"I love you, too."</p><p>—</p><p>As expected, the two of them had dated. Keeping the relationship quite private, the only people who mainly knew was the club and close friends. Everybody finding it to be accepted and didn't take no mind. Which was good.</p><p>Hinata went to therapy every Thursday and escalated the portions of his meals with increase. Unfortunately, since his stomach had shrunk, his body couldn't take much food into his system, but he ate until content and that was all he cared about. Kageyama was always there for him, which really helped.</p><p>Their second and third years, he played volleyball. And he was then considering heading off to Brazil. It was a scary step for him into adulthood, traveling across the whole world for beach volleyball. Kageyama didn't quite like the idea of Hinata being so far away, but he supported him no matter what. He told him to take care of himself and to call whenever. They left with a long hug, and off he was. Frequent texts and calls were all strung out along his stay. Never had they lost their touch.</p><p>Then Hinata had come back to Japan. Moving in with Kageyama, the two of them were finally in each other's embrace. First off being with the Black Jakels, Kageyama watched him happily as he ran around the whole apartment screeching about how he was going to play him again to beat him. It was cute, he loved that.</p><p>The match took place and Kageyama had never been prouder of his boyfriend he knew since high school finally get up and beat him. That night, he celebrated by buying the both of them rings.</p><p>And soon enough, finally on the same team, continuing to play matches of volleyball together as they'd plan, it was the day off. Hinata had suggested he wanted pork buns and so, the both of them had ordered.</p><p>Ending up on the couch, they munched on the buns whilst watching a random volleyball match on the TV. Kageyama intertwining his left hand in the shortened hair of Hinata's, whilst he was sprawled laying down head pressed onto his lap.</p><p>"I'm so proud of you." Kageyama exhaled.</p><p>"Hm?" He released that muffled hum, face still being stuffed with food until he had swallowed. "Where the heck did they come from?" He turned up to him, smiling.</p><p>"I dunno. You've just come a long way and I'm proud of you." Kageyama said with a small shrug. "I really am glad that you're here. I really love you."</p><p>"Geez, you're so cheesy.." Hinata covered half his face with the hand that wasnt holding a pork bun. "I love you too, idiot." He chuckled.</p><p>"Let's get married, Hinata."</p><p>With a small pause, the ginger froze. That bun sitting in his fingers slowly lost grip and dropped to the ground with a plop.</p><p>"Hey, you're gonna stain the carpet-"</p><p>"D-.. Did you just say that you wanna get married?" Hinata aimlessly murmured an interruption.</p><p>Kageyama blinked before nodding slowly, "Er.. Yeah." He said.</p><p>Hinata sprung up, staring at Kageyama. "You.. Y-You wanna get married?" He asked yet again.</p><p>"Yeah." Kageyama confirmed, slowly grinning. "You're somebody that I wanna be with my whole life. I wanna marry you, Hinata."</p><p>Springing to Kageyama, Hinata knocked him into a tight hug. It was returned gratfully. "I wanna marry you, too, I wanna marry you, too." Hinata was crying. Smile that stretched so wide, it was contagious.</p><p>The two of them had speckled kisses with each other for that time being. Where it felt so divine to be so in love.</p><p>Recovery is bliss.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hiiiii so this is the end of the story, thank u all so much for reading and the kudos! much love!!:)</p><p>im gonna make a Kuroken story after this that's gonna be in a past setting kinda like naruto setting but different plot,, if that makes any sense haha !! it'll have its fair share of angst and fluff so stay for that if ur interested! but besides that thank u again so much for reading my story<br/>♡´･ᴗ･`♡</p><p>also !!! important to say that kageyama was never meant, in any way, to help hinata out of his eating disorder. he isn't meant to be a solution and help him, and in the story, you saw that he only got involved when he had been worried about hinata (as would any friend in real life would be, that's how it was to me). in real life, you need to get help when struggling and to not project to other people unhealthily. some things that hinata did like not taking care of himself and worrying the team was bad, he needed help. but he got hospitalized and got into homes and into therapy. only then, after, kageyama and hinata got together. when the both of them were in the right mental state of mind. and able to communicate properly. :]</p>
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